Confessions Of A Rock Star's Girlfriend *Part 19*
I couldn't even be upset at her. I wasn't in the position to. She loved and cared for me so much, she was deeply hurt. It was precipitative, but I know she would apologize for letting her fear and anger get to her.
"Katherine, I...I'm going to take Brendon to the clinic. He looks like he has a broken nose and a cracked rib..." my father came back.
"What?! Oh my fucking God! I'm coming with you." I announced and Peter glared.
"No, that won't be necessary; you two go upstairs and talk." Brendon managed to say, as he slowly crept into the room.
"You deserve more! And you'll get it!" Pete growled, before trying to jump at him. Patrick all set; held Pete back.
"For Christ’s sake! He didn't do anything!" I protested. "You owe Brendon an apology!" I yelled. My body shook with fury.
"Me? What for, he's the one-"
"The one who's been trying to help you out. Talk sense into me not to leave you!" I blurted. The room became so quiet; you could’ve heard a pin drop.
"Leave me?" Pete’s anger faded. I didn't have time for this so I shook it away.
"Um, why don't we go with you to the clinic?" Patrick offered and my father nodded. Stephanie held on to the other side of Brendon as they walked out. I tried to apologize with my eyes, but he refused to look my way.
Once out the door, Patrick let go of Peter and patted him. "Call us..." he gave me an uneasy smile and held Melinda's shoulder to leave. She didn't budge, but in the end glared, and left with him.
I looked back at Pete. He stood expressionless and I lost it. I ran up to him and slapped him so hard across the face, that his head moved with the direction of the slap.
"I can't fucking believe you!" I yell and run up the stairs.
"Me?! I can't believe you! Kat, come back here." He calls after me, but I shut him out as I closed my bedroom door, locking it.
I started to throw my clothes on the bed; running back in forth from my drawers and closet.
"Kat! Kat, unlock this door!" he banged and shouted. I ignored him and continued to grab all my belongings.
"Katherine! Open the door..." he kept on, but I didn't listen.
After double checking if I had missed anything, I looked up to see my doll. I grabbed her and safely tucked her between my clothes in my suitcase.
"Katy, please! Open the door, we need to talk." He started to punch the door. The first one startled me as I was folding my clothes, but I kept on with my business as his punches grew weaker.
"Please baby, we need to talk!" the trembles didn't cease, and now I felt like pulling my hair out.
"Please baby, just talk to me...don't, don't leave me...talk to me..." I heard him slump to the floor. I held it together as I zippered my suitcases up.
I put my coat and my bag on as I heard him go into sobs.
"Katy, please, let’s talk...I love you." He said between cries.
I grabbed the suitcases off the bed and made my way to the door. I could hear him crying and I closed my eyes. This was too much, I couldn't handle it.
"Katherine please....open the door..." I grabbed the knob and turned it open. He almost fell, as he was leaning on it, sitting on the floor. He looked up at me, and I could see the sobs weren't fake. He had tears streaming down his face and eyeliner smeared.
"Move." I choked out. I tried to stand in strength, but my insides were jell-o.
"What? Where are you going with those bags?" he stood up and completely blocked my way.
"Home, Pete. You got here, you punched your way and now I'm going home; just like you wanted."
"No, not like this, we have to talk first."
"Really, talk first? I thought it was more punch now, ask questions later." I tried to walk past him, but he wouldn't budge.
"I wouldn't have to punch anybody if-"
"If what Pete? Hmmm, darling?"
"Brendon and you..."
"Brendon and me nothing. You are so inconsiderate. Brendon was only trying to help, asshole. He was here, defending you convincing me to go home and talk to you. He was trying to stop me from-"
"From what?" his eyes grew big.
"Leaving you..." I trailed off while looking to my luggage.
"Leaving...no, no, you can't." He shook his head.
"Pete lets just go home. I miss my kids."
"No, we have to talk about this! We can't ignore that you left! I'm not going anywhere until we talk."
My blood boiled. I don't like to be yelled at. Especially in my face, and he had already done so, one too many times.
"Fine! You wanna talk?" I moved back into my room to throw the suitcases down, "Let's talk about you being selfish, lets talk about you never being home," I was throwing everything to the ground and stomping, "Oh, yeah lets talk about how you don't love me like you used to."
He shook his head and hands as he walked in. "What, no baby, I love you. Can't you see what you're doing to me?"
"Yeah, what I'm doing to you, it’s always about you. I'm so sick of your selfish bullshit."
"No, you know what, you're an asshole! A complete asshole! You leave for days, weeks even, and you come home shorter then your leaves, and when you do come home, you expect me to do all the work around the house alone. You leave me with the kids; I raise them, not you! I'm surprise they even recognize you!"
"Kat, don't say that, you know I have obligations that make me-"
"Make you what? Leave your family for days? And all you bother to do is manage to call us for a few minutes, and that's on the days you do call, I'm the one that has to chase you down..."
"No, you want to talk? Let’s talk baby, let’s talk about how you hardly look at me in the eye when you speak to me, or how you don't touch me. That fire in your eyes has gone out for me, and when you say you love me, they're only words now."
"I love you Katherine. I've been going through hell since you left."
"Well, I guess you're just another guy who doesn't know what he has till it’s gone." I wanted to hurt him. Make him feel the pain I had been feeling this whole time. Don't give me that though, I knew it didn't solve anything, but I had to let my feelings bleed, and this was the only way he listened.
"Kat, please...you have to know I do love you. Look, I'll admit, I changed, our lives changed, but one thing that hasn't is my love for you! You have to know that."
"Yeah? Then you need to explain some things."
"Okay, but lets sit down, and talk okay?" he grabbed my elbow gently and put his arm around my shoulder to sit me down on the bed. I watched him push my chair from the desk and sit right before me.
"Pete, before we start, I...just want to say, nothing happened between me and Brendon. He's a good friend; he would never do that to you; neither would I."
I'm sure you know how Pete looks, and what his eye color is, but what you don't know is that his color changes with his mood. When he's extremely happy or angry, it’s a right off the bat, green. When he's depressed, it’s a yellowish hazel. And when he's blah, it’s the hazel brown you're used to.
When I explained to him about Brendon, his eyes turned from green to that yellow.
"I...shit, I don't know what to say to that, Kat. I just, so many things were going through my head...I lost it. I messed up."
I kept still. Flicking my eyes back and forth from my bedroom rug, to him.
"I'm sorry, I really am."
"Tell that to him. He's the one in the clinic. And with a fractured rib? God Pete, he has a show tomorrow, not to mention a tour to finish, what were you thinking?!"
"I wasn't okay, all I knew was that here he was with you, and he...I know it sounds shitty, but I have my reasons not to trust him with you."
"Pfft, why, because he still loves me?" I question and he cocked his head to the side.
"H-how did you know about that?"
"Some secrets are meant to be told. Which by the way, thanks for sharing."
"Well what was I supposed to do, huh? He comes crying about that bitch who did him dirty, and how he loves you, what, am I supposed to go, ‘hey baby guess what, Brendon’s not over you, what are we having for dinner’?"
"You know what, it doesn't matter. The thing is, this is so typical of you. You don't think anything through. You go with the first thought that pops in your head, if you even take the time to do that, and then just expect to apologize, after you've realize your mistakes. Like you can just slap a band aid on a gash."
He didn't know what to say. He was just there like a statue. Face all contorted in worry with a hint of anger. Clenching and unclenching his jaw. Like it was all he could do.
"Pete, I...this relationship is...is...not what I want-what it should be. I feel so alone, I feel like I'm not even with you. It’s like we pressed the pause button on us. Like we don't exist."
I had all these thoughts and emotions running through my mind, but I couldn't form them into coherent words. I was not ready for this.
"I don't know Kat, we just," he sighed and looked away, "Its hard, to juggle everything at once."
"So you put us on hold for your career? Put our family?!"
"No." He shook. His tears began to roll with mine.
"No, Pete, that's exactly what you did. You leave us. Over and over again." The pain was escaping with my words.
"No, I don't. Its because I have to work, this is how I pay the bills. How I feed and clothe you and the kids."
"Don't give me that shit. You're a fucking millionaire; don't act like we're starving."
"So what, am I supposed to retire because I have the money to? This is my life, my dream. Am I supposed to defer it?"
"What about my dreams, Pete? What about my life? I've deferred it. I put everything on the line for you and the kids. My life now only consists of you and the kids. I want one too. I want to live."
He got up from the chair. "You're leaving then? To go out for a dream? Leave your family..."
"I'm not planning to leave..."
"Kat, you already did."