Confessions Of A Rock Star's Girlfriend *Part 5*
Going down to my kitchen, I reached behind the bread basket. I took out my cigarette box and my lighter, and headed for the back yard.
On the back porch, I lighted one up, and looked out to the brisk night. The stars were fading as morning came, and I bit my lip from crying.
I have given everything to this man. My life, my career, my body. The only valuable thing he has truly given back, is our kids. I know I have my moments where say I want to give up, you’ve seen them, but I will never regret ever meeting the man. He gave me two beautiful reasons for living.
I put the bud out and sparked up another one. Smoking was a nasty habit I picked up as a teenager and vowed to end it when I found out I was pregnant. Only times like these, will you find me so stressed that I have to pull on another drag.
I have always had someone to talk to, but I never felt the courage to tell them everything. I became imprisoned in this perfect world, forbidden by my own self to show the truth.
Pete pretends as well. He hides behind his music and career and, I wouldn’t blame him. The reason why I’m so angry that he leaves is because it’s exactly what I want to do.
I’ve never been able to admit that to anyone and this night has me in tears. All of these things that I am sharing with you, are the words I was sharing with myself; for the first time.
It hasn’t always been like this you know. In fact, the first four or five years were the best. We were so in love and happy that it felt like we were invincible. I had women all over the world hate and envy me. Men as well, with Peter.
No one understood the strong connection that Pete and I shared. But with many relationships, a baby changes everything. And we had two.
Roxy and Hemmingway jumped on the bench and into my lap. Roxy was my Pomeranian and well, I’m guessing you know who Hemmy is.
I petted my dogs and put out the bud of my, what, fifth cigarette? My tear-stained face was now starting to feel the rays of the warm sun as it crept up.
Eight years. Two kids. One failing relationship.
As they jumped of my lap and began to chase an early morning bird just trying to relax by the bird bath, I had an epiphany.
It came to me what my life would be and I was doomed. If I didn’t do something, our relationship will be as good as dead.
I’m not sure if Pete would have the courage to leave me, but I wasn’t about to find out. I love this man and I would give anything to share his name with my children and live a life we all deserve.
I don’t want us to become Billy’s parents. But I was afraid. I am afraid that he won’t change and we could never work this out.
He’s in just as much as denial as I was and I knew I couldn’t talk to him about it. Not without a fight.
What am I saying? He clearly doesn’t feel the same. His kisses aren’t as they used to be. His touch neither. As for monogamy, my fears haven’t been confirmed, but speculations do linger, live and well.
Eight years, two kids, and one failed relationship.
I went back into the kitchen to retract the phone. The following actions were purely unthought-of, as I dialed the number.
“Hello, and thank you for calling British Airways. Please stay on the line, as one of our representatives will assist you shortly.”
“Pete, can you take the kids by yourself? I don’t feel well.” I was braiding Angelica’s long locks as he was texting on his phone.
“What? You’re not going?” he looked from the phone to me. He was seated in his chair like the tyrant he has been these last couple of years.
“I just said that I’m not feeling well.” I stated as I finished fixing her hair.
“Well you shouldn’t have been drinking last night, then you wouldn’t have a f—” he looked to our daughter and stopped himself from swearing.
“Pete, don’t start. It’s not a hang over. Please, just take them to the zoo like we promised.”
“Like you promised.” I patted her little bottom and she got up to turn to me.
“Mommy, you’re not going?” she hugged her bear and I thought about if I was making the right decision.
“Mommy’s not feeling good baby. I don’t think I can go.” Pete got up from his royal chair and stomped to the closet.
“Jake! Get your butt down here, we’re leaving.” He put on a sweater and took out their wind coats.
“But, mommy, you’ll miss out on the elephants. You love the elephants!”
“I know sweetheart,” he shoved her coat in my face and I put it on her, “How bout you take pictures for me?” she smiled and said, “I’ll get my camera!”
She ran up stairs and I stood up to see him glaring. “I can’t believe you.” I kept quiet as Jake came down with his toy dinosaur.
“Mommy why aren’t you dressed, we’re supposed to go to the zoo, remember?!” I fixed the hair from his face and kissed the top of his head.
“Mommy’s sick. She’s not going with us. Here, put your coat on.” Jake looked confused as he pulled on his small coat.
“Mommy! I can’t find my camera!” I heard Angelica shout. I thought about the last time I saw it and said, “Don’t worry baby, I got it.”
I went to the kitchen, and there it was; her small Hello Kitty camera Melinda got her for Christmas. I walked back to see them outside with the door opened, waiting for me to say goodbye.
I called to them and they ran from the car to me. I knelt down and gave each a tight hug and kiss. They had no idea how hard it was for me to let go.
Jake gave me a kiss goodbye and Angelica gave an Eskimo; promising me that she would take the best pictures ever.
“Come on, let’s go.” Pete said.
“Wait, daddy!” Jake shouted and I stood up.
“Come on, Jakester let’s go, we’re going to be late for the Monkey show.”
“Daaaaddy!!! Not before you give mommy a kiss.” I looked down and he held my hand.
Pete exhaled deeply and slammed the car door shut. He walked over to us, and grabbed our son’s hand. “Let’s go; we don’t have time for this.”
Jake wiggled out and said, “No! You said you love mommy, so give her a kiss goodbye too. We can’t leave if you don’t kiss her.”
He looked to me and I shrugged. This convinced me that I was making the right choice. Our son was so afraid, he had to witness affection to believe we loved each other.
Pete gave me a haste kiss on the cheek and tried to turn away but our son continued, “No dad, a real kiss.”
“Jake, you are going to make everyone miss the Monkey show. Go with your father.” This was enough.
“I thought you said you love each other! If you do then you’re supposed to kiss!” it sounds so weird to have a four year old try so hard to sound like an adult, but he made valid points.
I sighed and Pete grabbed my face. He pulled me in for a heavy kiss that made me let go of Jake’s hand, and hold on to Pete for steady balance.
Our kiss was forced, but I felt the anger as he pushed his tongue in my mouth. It was the most passionate kiss he had given me in what seemed forever. I invited him and began to enjoy it. This was rare of him lately, and I wanted to swallow it as it may be our last for a while.
The kiss lasted until we both broke apart for air. I looked at him wildly as he gave me a wicked smile. He pecked my lips and grabbed our children’s hands, bringing them to the car. He buckled them up and stepped out to get in the driver’s seat.
I waved goodbye as he drove off. Not sure when I will see them again.
** Uh, I’m sorry to announce, but I have no idea where this has turned. I have somewhat an idea, but heck, if someone could give me a better one, all will be well. Haha, make sure you’ll check out the other fics, I know, I know, I’m whoring, but oh well.
I just want to say, there are other writers here that are a true inspiration and I love their work to bits. Seeing them read mine and commenting makes the smile on my face reach ear to ear. Thank you, and not just you, but everyone who has read and commented as well as buzzed. It really means more than just a hobby. You guys are what’s keeping these stories alive.
Peace && Love Darlings!