Valentines Day Love Letter - Zune Giveaway Contest

Dear my darling, DJ RossStar,

         As Valentines Day draws to a close I need to make my feelings for you known. I have waited too long and hid my true emotions for some time now.

          I think I’m falling in love with you. It’s been weeks since I have gotten a good night’s sleep thanks to your face swimming constantly in my restless mind. My dreams are plagued with visions of you and I together and I can’t stand this yearning in my crippled heart. It hurts to breathe when you walk into a room, it pains me to see you near me and not be able to touch that tanned skin and brush back your silky chocolate bangs. I would give almost anything to trace a finger down your warm cheeks, to trace hearts on your lovely face, to see how your soft lips would feel against mine, to breathe your air- just to make sure that you really are alive. I want to put my head to your heart and just listen for that pulsing beat. I want to feel it speed up when I’m near- to know that I drive you just as crazy as you drive me. (If that’s even possible). To match my breaths with that pattern so we live as one. I inhale your scent like a favorite perfume. I think I just might need you to survive.

          I spent the weekend thinking about you. When I went to the grocery store I heard your laugh and I whirled around, searching for you but then realized it was just a random person who had a wonderful laugh like yours. It was silly of me to automatically think of you considering you're so far away from me. Feeling sheepish, letdown, but still jumpy, I just shook my head and went back to trying to concentrate on the shopping list I had in my hand and looking for those items on the store shelves. But suddenly all those words seemed to spell out your name. pepper, potatoes, forks, DJ, cheese, crackers, RossStar. I had to shake my head a few times just to be to see straight, let alone get my head straight. When I was walking down the street the other day I saw someone with your capped hat and instantly my heart jumped into my throat and started thumping loudly, only to be let down when the person turned around and I saw they didn’t have your gorgeous eyes. You are driving me insane. You are all I’m thinking about, always. It doesn’t matter what I’m doing or who I’m with, the thought of you is always in the back of my mind. Being hundreds of miles away from you makes no difference because I keep on finding things that remind me of you. I hear your name in any conversation and, instantly, I twitch and my head jolts up. I listen to music and twist the lyrics around to match our story (what little of it is already weaved). It’s insane, I know, but I’m crazy for you. No matter how cliche that sounds, it’s true.

My dreams have become crazed. In them I am where I want to be but I can't see around me. And you are there and you love me the same way I love you. (can you explain to me the way I love you again? I must have told you millions of times in my mind. Just say those little words, acknowledge me. please, I am drowning in a sea of my own doing and baby you know I can't swim. Toss me a lifeline. I am pathetic and I know it and I hate it.) I can't stand this. I'm throwing items around my house, breaking pencils and tossing clothes, and throwing ideas around the constraints of my brain. Words, verbs, nouns are rebounding around my skull and then flowing out of my mind, passing my heart, and cascading down through my arm, only to crash to a jerking halt in my wrist. They sit there and pile up. Soon they will back up so far up my arm and my heart that they reach my vocal cords and something will snap and I will let them spill out of my mouth. Frustrated, I'm filled with all these ideas and thoughts and yet I can't really explain them- to anyone, even myself. I feel heavy and weighed down. I'm trying desperately to get it on paper, to try to make sense of my thoughts. Feelings rush past me like a cool winter wind and swirl around my feet, twirling leaves and debris and crumpled bits of paper and lovesick thoughts around in my own mini tornado. It penetrates through my skin and enters my blood stream with an icy blast. It numbs me to my core- my bones are brittle. Desires brush against my skin like a lovers kiss and I shiver deliciously at the touch.

I've fallen in love with being in love. I love the feeling it gives me, rushing through my veins, filling up every pore, and making every cell tingle. I love having a secret obsession with you that no one knows about. I like when out eyes accidental meet and I have to recite my name to myself in my mind just to remind myself who I am. I savor those emotions and every glance of you I can steal. Whenever I listen to a Green Day song my mind automatically thinks of you.

I love your laugh and your voice when you interview people. Your show is something I never miss. And your smile and hair and your eyes, god your eyes. I could get willingly lost in them, becoming entranced and spending hours just looking at them. Everything about you really is wonderful to me. I admire you so much.

I wish I knew you better than I knew myself. I wish I knew every inch of your skin;  all of your thoughts, dreams, desires, secrets; your whole life honestly. I wish I knew you inside and out. And I wish you knew me inside and out and accepted me even after you knew everything about me, every secret, every bad thought, anything. I wish that I drove you as crazy you as you drive me. I wish we could be best friends.

My problem is that I feel too deeply. I fall in love too hard and too fast and don’t look back. I don’t ponder over why I like a person or steadily gain my adoration for someone. The second I see them I am entranced. Every move is viewed as a clue, another piece in the puzzle of between me and you. Everything affects me in some way. My moods swing with each rotation of my mind. They dance from high to low and at any given moment. You drive me insane but you are what causes me to hang on to that last dangling string that connects my heart to mind. I wouldn’t – couldn’t – change any aspect of you. I love your hair and your beautiful eyes. Your rough voice makes my nerves explode like firecrackers. I savor every tingly feeling and moment when you are near me. I love everything about you, from the way you walk to how your clothes drape on your body. Every time I am near you my brain races and my heart sings. You make me feel alive.

          I think I just might need you to survive. You make me feel alive.

                                       Love,

                                                                   A Girl Hopelessly In Love With You