I sat there, tracing her cheekbone to her chin, down to her collarbone. Watching the tiny trail of goosebumps that erupted at the warm touch of my skin to hers. I dreamed every single night, that her eyes would flutter open and she would smile. It’s been 11 days. She hasn’t woken up at all.
I heard the door open, and I turned to see who it was. The same doctor I’ve seen everyday looked at me curiously.
“You’re never going to leave are you young man?” He said.
“Never.” I said, barely audible.
“Son, she’s not going to make it. She’s been in a coma for 11 days now. We tried everything, we can’t bring her back.”
I froze. The sudden cold rushed up my spine to my neck, raising the hairs off my warm skin. I closed my eyes shut and felt a huge lump in my throat. My hands balled into fists. They were so tight that my skin turned white, my bones poking at the skin as if it were about to burst.
I grit my teeth, “You need to bring her back to me.”
“Son,” Doctor Miller said as he sat down, “ It’s Wednesday now, we’re giving her tomorrow at noon. If she doesn’t wake up by then, we’re pulling the plug. We can’t keep her here if she isn’t showing any progress or movement for that matter. She’s been breathing on a ventilator for way to long. It isn’t healthy for her.”
I felt tears stream down my face, taking in all of the information he was giving me. Why did this have to happen? She had so much planned. She wanted a family. She wanted a better house, and definitely a better car, yet she loved her Miss Anne. She wanted to have a son and a daughter. She wanted them to have long blonde hair, and bright green eyes. She wanted to sit on her porch, sipping tea, watching her grandchildren play across the yard. I would know because she would tell me it all. I can’t see her die now.
“Thank you for your time Doctor. I would really just like to spend my last moments with her. Please.”
“Alright… I’m so sorry.” Dr. Miller said as he left the room.
I didn’t have the guts to turn back to Hayley’s face.
I started to talk quietly now, “Hayley, I’m begging, please don’t give up on me. I can’t breathe without you breathing. I may kill myself if you leave me now. If I fail at the first attempt, I will do it again. I can’t live without you Hayley. I’m begging you with all of my heart right now. Please wake up.” I slowly stood up and turned back to her. “I love you too much to lose you…” I leaned down and kissed the bruise on her forehead softly. “I can’t lose you Hayley, I just can’t.” I let the tears fall from my chin to her face, tracing it down her cheekbones.
What would I do if I lost her? Would I really kill myself? And if I did attempt, and if I did fail, would I do it again? Would anyone miss me? What if Hayley woke up, and I was the one dead.
Hell. I can't do it. She needs to wake up. I'm going to go insane. I'm sure I already am, I can't help it. I'm losing the woman I love, again. She's not just anyone. She's perfect in my eyes. She's perfect in every single way. Is that even possible? I knew it wasn't supposed to be, but I don't know.
I laid my head near the crook of her neck and cried. I couldn’t take the pressure and pain anymore.
I heard a soft hum next to me. Was I hallucinating? I didn’t have the guts to look at her. I could just be dreaming it. I laid there, still crying but softly and quietly.
I heard a cough. A couple coughs actually. I also felt a twitch of an arm underneath my chest.
“Stop crying.” said a voice, very hoarsely if I may add.