Impromptu Court Speech From A Thirteen-Year-Old Brought His Foster Mom To Tears
There was one thing that Sara and Stuart Shank weren't prepared for on their court day, and that was their teenage foster son Dayshawn interrupting the judge. Not only did they not expect his expression of love, but they anticipated his six-year-old brother Michael to blurt something out instead.
The Shank's court experience has brought hundreds of viewers to tears. But the story didn't start there. After three years of fostering them, the couple attempted to adopt the boys officially. This is the family's story.
No One Had Expected This Teenager To Speak Up
In August 2018, the Shanks went into a court proceeding that would define the rest of their lives. They had fostered two boys for over three years--something which neither of the 26-year-olds expected. They all quaked in their chairs as they waited for the judge's ruling.
During the hearing, the 13-year-old boy interrupted the judge to explain his love for his foster parents. His speech caused everyone (especially his mom) to shed a tear.
Years Before, They Wanted To Foster
For Sara Cozad, fostering children was her life's dream. Both she and her husband, Stuart Shank, carried this dream into their marriage. In an interview with Good Morning America, Cozad said that she mentioned fostering "ten minutes into their first date."
"I was impressed with how he rolled with it," she admitted. "I never felt compelled to have biological children, and it just made sense if kids in our community need a place to stay and we have a house, that is what we would do."
Making Their Dream Come True
For most people, discussing becoming a foster parent seems like an odd choice on a first date. But foster parenting was such a significant ambition in Cozad's life that she couldn't help but mention it. And Shank shared her long-term goal--the perfect match!
The couple fell in love quickly. In 2014, they married in their home state of Washington. Despite both being in their early 20s, the two planned to begin fostering two weeks after they returned from their honeymoon.
Difficult, But Not Impossible
Despite the couples' motivation, they worried that they were too young. Most U.S. states require a minimum age of 21 to foster parent, and Cozad was 23 at the time. Although they were of legal age, they believed that their lack of experience could inhibit their relationships.
The social worker who spoke to the couple recommended that they take in toddlers and newborns to start. "It went great, and we loved it," Cozad wrote on her website.
In The Beginning
In the beginning, the Shanks had taken enough classes to shelter toddlers. They cared for newborns who needed it, either for a couple days, weeks, or months. The couple supports reuniting the children with their parents whenever possible.
"You get to play this small role in raising kids and being a support for a family when they need it," Cozad told Good Morning America. They cared for the children until the toddlers could return to their families.
How Do They Handle Letting Go Of Children?
Although the Shanks support reunification, they still acknowledge how difficult it can be. On their website Love What Matters, Cozad addresses those who believe that letting go of a child will be too hard. "And that's true. It is hard," she wrote. "And I cry every single time a child leaves."
Cozad adds that they maintain their relationships with all of their foster children and their parents. "Our relationship doesn't have to end just because they return home," she elaborated.
Their Parenting Strategy
Throughout their years of fostering, Cozad and Shank never harbored any ill-will towards the families of the children. "We walk hand-in-hand with them," Cozad said. "When we go to court, I'm sitting next to their moms and supporting them."
The couple worked to reunite families in every situation. Fortunately for them, a situation arose that they never expected. After all--what would happen if the child couldn't return to his family?
The Boy Who Changed Everything
At one point, Cozad and Shank were assigned to take care of a three-year-old boy named Michael. They only had to take him in for two days, which they accepted. Although they didn't know it, Michael would capture their hearts as no one else had.
Near the end of the weekend, a social worker asked the couple to extend Michael's visit to one week. They agreed; they hadn't even noticed how quickly time flew by.
Becoming More Than A Visit
"That weekend turned into a week. And that week into months. And those months into years," Cozad wrote on the couples' website. It wasn't long until Michael no longer seemed like a guest. He became a member of their family.
Of course, Cozad and Shank adored the three-year-old. But reuniting him with his family was still their priority. They were reminded of this when a family member came to visit.
Brothers Reunite
A few months after the Shanks took in Michael, they agreed to supervise a sibling visit. Michael was scheduled to talk to his older brother, ten-year-old Dayshawn.
"The second Michael caught a glimpse of his brother from across the playground, he ran with all his might and jumped into his arms," Cozad wrote on Love What Matters. "It was that second that Stuart and I looked at each other, and we truly understood the importance of Dayshawn and Michael needing to be together.
But Could The Brothers Stick Together?
Cozad and Shank acknowledged that the boys couldn't reunite with their parents. If they wanted to keep the boys together, they would have to take in Dayshawn. But they were hesitant about fostering a preteen. After all, they had not yet taken the classes for handling a soon-to-be-teenager.
Specifically, Cozad worried that she was too young to parent. At the time, there was only a 13-year age gap between her and Dayshawn. But once she started talking to him, all her fears fled.
Like They Were Meant To Be Family
"We fell in love with Dayshawn as soon as he opened his mouth," Cozad later said. The couple describes him as empathetic and social. While Michael was more reserved, Dayshawn was effervescent and, as Cozad called him, "a ham."
"Being his mom feels so natural," Cozad later wrote on her website. "He doesn't even seem to notice that I'm so young (or he just doesn't care.) To him, I'm just his mom."
But What About Reunification?
Although the Shanks loved the two boys, they found themselves debating over their unexpected plan. "Adoption wasn't our primary goal, although we were open to it if it became available," Cozad wrote on Love What Matters. "We advocate for reunification whenever possible."
Unfortunately, reunification wasn't possible with Michael and Dayshawn. If the couple didn't adopt them, there was no guarantee that they would stay together. But they didn't have the experience to care for Dayshawn, either. What could they do?
Their Internal Struggle
Cozad and Shank ended up fostering the brothers for three years. Throughout that time, they experienced what they called a "flip-flop of emotions." They continually debated whether they should work harder toward reunification or adopt both boys.
"We would support the goal of reunification, and we would mentally prepare ourselves for that and then all of a sudden, the case plan would be switched to adoption," Cozad later wrote. "And then six months later, back to reunification."
That Long Period Wasn't Wasted
Although the couple debated their stance on the situation, they still worked to develop their parenting skills. They took classes with parenting coaches. They attended conferences to talk to other foster parents. And they accessed plenty of online resources.
Through their learning, the couple employed Trust-Based Relational Intervention (TBRI), a parenting style that helps kids who experienced trauma. As Cozad describes it, "you become a person they can attach to before you fix the behaviors."
Things Only Got Better
The classes helped the couple feel more comfortable with fostering a teen. In the meantime, Michael and Dayshawn became their longest foster kids ever, and the family grew close. Parenting the two boys became more and more natural.
On her website, Cozad recalled that she eventually let go of her internal debate. "This process really made me realize that I needed to just sit back and enjoy every single moment with our boys, because I truly had no control over what the future held.
But They Did Have Control Over The Future
Despite the couple's flip-flopping, they eventually settled on adopting Dayshawn and Michael. They worked on arranging a court hearing for official adoption. However, the process took a lot longer than they expected--months upon months upon months.
Meanwhile, Michael and Dayshawn grew incredibly excited to be adopted. Even so, the couple continued to foster other kids. Cozad said that Dayshawn "makes it his personal mission to welcome every new child who comes to us."
Finally--The Adoption Court Hearing
On August 13th, 2018, the Shanks and two brothers attended the final court proceeding. Family and friends traveled to celebrate the potential adoption. At this point, the couple had fostered the boys for three years. Michael was six, and Dayshawn was 13.
Although most people assumed that the adoption would be approved, the Shanks were still nervous. There was always a slim chance that the court hearing could go awry.
During The Proceeding
The entire court proceeding was recorded on video. It was a highly emotional hearing, but one moment in particular brought people to tears. During the meeting, the judge hypothetically asked, "You think they all agree that this adoption ought to go forward?"
Based on the judge's tone, most attendees assumed that they didn't need to respond. But Dayshawn did reply. The 13-year-old interrupted the judge to express his love for his parents.
This Is What He Said
"They all love us," the teenager cut in. Now having the floor, Dayshawn continued. "We love them. Our whole family is the best thing we ever had. I'm glad to have these people in my life. I'm glad to be their son."
At this point, Cozad was visibly crying. Dayshawn added, "They're the best thing I ever had. If I could wish for anything in the world, I would wish I could just love these people for the rest of my life."
And The Adoption Was Finalized
Dayshawn's mother wept tears of joy at his unexpected declaration. The judge, clearly moved, responded, "If I had any doubts, they're gone now." She finalized the adoption then and there. Dayshawn's wish was fulfilled.
The Shank family left the courtroom to celebrate with friends and family. They rode a limo to a doughnut party with people who love them. Photographer Krista Welch shot their heartwarming pictures of the official adoption.
Their Lives Post-Adoption
With their adoptions finalized, Michael and Dayshawn took on the last name, Shank. According to Cozad, "everything has changed and nothing has changed." They had already been living as a family before the court date, but now it felt more official.
"If someone told me five years ago I would be 26 and adopting a teenager, I would have thought they were crazy," Cozad said in an interview. "Now, I can't imagine it any other way."
Will The Shanks Still Foster Now?
By the time the Shanks adopted Dayshawn and Michael, they had fostered 14 children. The family agreed to foster more children, specifically teen moms, LGBT+ youth, and victims of sex-trafficking.
"It's heartbreaking that these demographics of teens sit in social workers offices or shelters for WEEKS (or even months) on end since so few homes are open to them," Cozad expressed on Love What Matters. After the adoption, the family welcomed in a 14-year-old who needed a good home to stay in.
They're Not Incredible People
"Sometimes people say we are incredible people," Cozad told Good Morning America. "That's not true. It's just showing up and trying to do your best. We meet incredible kids and families and it's a great privilege to care for kids in our community."
The Shanks truly believe that fostering children is the most rewarding thing one could do, even though it isn't easy. "No child should feel grateful to have a family love them," Cozad asserted. "It should be given."
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