All Time Low Fans

Chapter 9 - I Want to Recognize Your Beauty, Not Just the Mask

Cassadee’s POV

Alex was being unusually quiet today. He’d merely gotten off his bed, passed me a new notebook, given me a meaningful look, and left the room. I took that as his way of telling me to get writing. One problem though. I had absolutely no idea what to write. With a sigh, I tossed the notebook aside and jumped off Alex’s bed. I wasn’t sure why I had stayed in his room, just as I wasn’t sure why he hadn’t come back in here. I shrugged the thoughts off before walking down the hall in search of Alex. I had to tell him I couldn’t do this whole ‘writing’ thing. I didn’t know how to write diary entries anymore, let alone poems! 

My footsteps echoed through the quiet apartment as I checked in every room in the abnormally long hallway. I found no one in the home ‘office’ (which was more of a storage room for instruments and songbooks), any of the bathrooms, the small library, or in Alex’s spare room. Strange. I peeked into the guest room but it was just as I had left it this morning. I checked the kitchen and living room but found them virtually deserted. Starting to wonder why no one was around, I decided to check the one room that I had never been in - Jack’s room.

Jack’s door was a plain white with a simple sticker that said ‘Danger’ stuck on. I chuckled a little before knocking on the door. No answer. I briefly wondered if I should be barging into his room like this. I didn’t need to give him a reason to hate me again. I shrugged, thinking it really couldn’t hurt. I pushed the door lightly and it sprung open to reveal a room that was strangely organized. I realized that after spending a week with Jack, I expected him to be a bit more... sloppy. Yet his room was extremely orderly. His bed was made, his books were all stacked on a shelf, his computer was shut off, his shoes were all lined up next to his closet (color coded, mind you), and there was not a speck of dust lining the room. His walls were a light blue in color and his sheets and furniture even matched. He had a few posters lining the wall. Blink-182, Jimmy Eat World, New Found Glory, and a few other names I’d never heard of.

“Not bad,” I said to myself. My voice echoed in the silence. Jack was most certainly not in here. I groaned quietly, confused as to where the guys had both ran off to.

“Umm, hi?” I heard someone say. I jumped, spinning around and expecting to find an angry looking Jack in the doorway. Jack stood inside the room, leaning against his wall with a timid smile on his face.

“Sorry,” I said instantly, inching towards the door. “I was just wondering where everyone was.”

“It’s okay,” Jack said, smiling wider now. “I was just grabbing the mail...”

“Oh,” I said. I shifted my weight, trying to think of something to say. “Where’s Alex?” I asked suddenly. Jack frowned a little.

“I don’t know, he kind of just stormed off earlier,” he mumbled, looking down at his feet. He looked kind of angry. My stomach flipped.

“He wasn’t... hurt was he?” I asked, hoping he understood what I meant.

“You didn’t do anything Cass,” he said with a laugh. “Alex just gets weird sometimes.”

“Alright,” I said. He remained where he was, his eyes giving away some sort of internal struggle as I stood in the center of his room. I cleared my throat awkwardly. “I guess I’ll just... go.” As I turned to leave, Jack seemed to come to some sort of conclusion.

“Wait, Cassadee!” he exclaimed, reaching out for my wrist. His hand stopped halfway as I slowly turned to face him again.

“Do you- umm. Do you need anything from Alex?” he asked rather nervously. Something told me that he had changed his question halfway through. I gave him a skeptical look before answering.

“I was just going to tell him that I have no idea what to write,” I replied.

“You write?” Jack asked, sounding intrigued.

“I used to,” I answered simply. “But I don’t think I can anymore.” I took another step to the door.

“Cass, wait,” Jack stopped me. I turned around again, starting to feel slightly annoyed.

“Yes?” I asked testily. He gulped before taking a deep breath.

“Areyoudoinganythinglater?” he asked in a rush. I felt my brow scrunch up in confusion.

“What?”

“I meant, are you busy later?” he asked again. I considered that.

“I suppose not, seeing as Alex is missing,” I finally said. Jack mumbled something under his breath. “What was that?”

“Uh, I said, Alex is so irresponsible.” I could hear the lie in his words but I decided to let it slide.

“Okay then,” I said, once again turning towards the door.

“HeyCasswannagoseeamovieorsomething?” he choked out.

“What about groovy ovaltine?” I asked. He started laughing uncontrollably for a moment.

“No, I said, do you wanna go see a movie or something?” he managed. I gave him a confused look and he instantly went defensive. “I mean if you don’t want to then just forget I said anything. It’s just, you know, it’s Christmas Eve and I thought you might want to go out...”

“Oh... yeah. Christmas Eve,” I mumbled unsurely. Truth be told, I’d forgotten all about Christmas. Jack was fidgeting now, my silence making him weary.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything,” he mumbled, blushing. I frowned slightly.

“Well, I never said no,” I said. He looked up hopefully. “Is that all? You just wanted to see a movie? Well that wasn’t a very hard question to ask.” He chuckled nervously and I got the feeling I was missing something. I thought about his words for a second and felt realization kick in. “Wait, Jack. Do you mean as like a date or....”

Jack looked down at his feet again. “Well it doesn’t have to be a date if you don’t want it to be,” he mumbled sadly. I felt my brow scrunch up again as I thought about his words. A date? As in, Jack liked me? How was I supposed to respond to this?!

Was I ready for a date? And for that matter, a date with Jack... I had no idea what I was supposed to do about this. I hadn’t ever really been on a date and the last remotely close thing was a group outing years ago. And Jack was nice, but I hadn’t really ever thought of him as more than a friend, if I could consider him that at all! I merely thought he tried to put up with me, that he’d rather that I’d never entered his life. 

“A date?” I asked to be sure. My voice was embarrassingly high. Jack nodded warily. 

“I shouldn’t have asked, dammit!” he said to himself. He turned around and flopped down on his bed. I could hear his muffled voice as he continued to scold himself. “Idiot, idiot, idiot!” he whispered. His behavior made me giggle lightly but it was short-lived. Did I want to go out on a date with Jack? I thought about it, tried to consider Jack as someone that could be more than my friend. Well he was funny, obviously caring, and most definitely handsome. I sighed, feeling more confused than I had been five seconds ago. Jack was still lying down face-first, looking as if he wanted to suffocate himself with his pillow. Five more seconds of deliberation and I was at Jack’s side. I stood by him for a second before sitting down next to him. If he noticed the added weight to his bed, he didn’t acknowledge it. I prodded him gently and he still didn’t budge. I let out a long exaggerated breath before poking him continuously in his ribs. He started moving.

“Gah! That tickles!” he exclaimed. I smirked but did not desist. “Cass, stop!”

“Nope,” I replied as he spun off the bed trying to escape me. I followed suit, still poking him. I pinned him to the ground before continuing to tickle him. He was laughing uncontrollably by now.

“I give! I give!” he screamed. I shook my head as he tried to struggle his way out of my grip.

“Nope, not before you give me a nice, big smile,” I insisted. He pouted in return.

“Noooo, just stop!”

“No,” I persisted. He groaned and I laughed. Suddenly, his arms shot out, grabbed me by my shoulders, and flipped me over so that Jack now had the upper hand.

“Okay, now what was that all about,” he said, glaring.

“Yikes, you’re stronger than I gave you credit for Barakat,” I said. He rolled his eyes.

“You know I could give you a piece of your own medicine,” he said with a mischievous grin.

“You wouldn’t,” I said, my eyes bugging out. He narrowed his eyes and brought his face closer until his nose almost touched mine.

“Oh, I sooo would,” he threatened.

“But you wouldn’t want to tickle your date, would you?” I said with a laugh, only half aware of my words. Jack froze.

“Really?” he asked. I paused for a second before nodding. I realized that I sort of did want to go on a date with Jack. Just to see what it’d be like. It couldn’t hurt too much, could it?

“Really,” I gave him a genuine smile and he beamed right back at me.

“Awesome!” he exclaimed before rolling off of me. “Thanks Cass!”

“I should thank you,” I said truthfully. 

“Naw,” he said. “It will be my honor to escort you to a movie tonight, my dear lady.”

“Very well,” I consented. 

“Movie at 6 o’clock, dinner at 8?” he asked.

“Sounds good to me,” I said. 

“I have to go get ready then!” Jack exclaimed, jumping off the floor and running to the bathroom across the hall.

“You need three hours to get ready?” I called after him. 

“I need to beautify myself!” he called back. I laughed briefly before getting off the floor as well. 

“Please don’t let this mess things up,” I whispered to myself. There was a strange feeling in the back of my mind, something nagging me. I tried to ignore it as I made my way to my guest room to pick out an outfit for tonight.

Be honest... did anyone (Not you Em, you don't count) see that coming? Like at all? or was it a complete curveball? Muahahahaaa! There'll be quite a few conversations next chapter. Not sure how long that'll take to write O___O comments, opinions, concerns, etc?? Maybe a buzz if you like it?

P.S. Oh and Becky??

GOTCHYA!

Chapter 8 - Butterflies and Hurricanes

Cassadee’s POV

It had been a few days and my buzz had died down. Ever since the day I’d found out that I was improving, I’d become a bit more talkative. Alex kept randomly smiling at me and though I now smiled back, I found that it felt different from what smiles used to feel like. I vaguely remembered them being much simpler, much more... meaningless. But when I smiled at Alex, there was more purpose behind it. I enjoyed his happiness. I shared his happiness. When he smiled, it made me feel better, like I was whole again. Maybe it was an age thing. Whatever it was, it had kept me excited for a good three days. I was more subdued now, more like I usually am but with some sparks of hope. I didn’t mind striking up conversations.

The windows at the end of the kitchen had their curtains pulled back today. The fact that Alex lived on the top floor of this complex allowed the sunlight to flow in unconstricted. Of course this made Jack pull open all the curtains whenever there was a cloudless day, complaining about his pale skin the whole time. He sat across from me now, his face illuminated by the bright beams of sunshine as he munched on some cereal. I stirred my oatmeal around, my appetite escaping me as it usually did. Alex had run off early this morning, briefly saying something about running errands when Jack asked him where he was going. It was unusually quiet now.

“Soooo,” Jack said suddenly, obviously growing edgy under the tense silence. I looked up from my bowl.

“Yes?” I asked, more pleasant than I usually was. Jack sighed.

“Okay, well,” he said, looking kind of nervous. Was I really that hard to talk to? “Seeing as you’re going to be here a while, I might as well get to know you. So, Cassadee Pope, tell me about yourself.”

“There’s not much to say.”

“Okay, I guess I’ll start then,” Jack said, shooting me a goofy grin. “My name’s Jack, as you may have noticed. I feel the need to clear that up. My name’s not jackass, jerk, asshole, or rapist like Alex likes to call me.” I snorted and that seemed to give him some courage. “I’ve been Alex’s best friend since we were kids. We grew up together, went to school together, and now have our careers together. Music is my passion and being a badass is my way of life. My favorite artist is Blink-182 and my favorite dance is the macarena. Your turn?”

“Okay, I’ll give it a try,” I consented. “I’m Cassadee. Alex calls me Cass and I guess you can too. My mom’s dead. My sister is living with my aunt. My dad can go by the names Alex has for you. I’ve known Alex for a week now. I finished highschool last year.”

“Oh,” Jack said. “I’m sorry... about your mom I mean.”

“It’s okay,” I said. “It was a long time ago.” We were silent again.

“You mean a lot to him, you know,” Jack said through a mouthful of cereal.

“What?” I asked, confused.

“To Alex,” Jack continued. “He latched onto you faster than anyone he’s met in the past two years. He kind of stopped trusting people for a while. Makes me wonder what he saw in you. He wouldn’t help just anyone.”

“Alex is... caring,” I decided. Jack nodded.

“Well yeah, anyone could’ve told you that,” he chuckled. “But he’s hellbent on helping you out. It’s scary, I’ve only seen him this determined twice before in his whole life.”

“When?” I asked curiously.

“Well one was back in highschool when he was convinced that our band would get signed. And the other was when...” Jack trailed off, blanching slightly.

“When?”

“When he was trying to get Katie to date him,” he finished with a small smile. “She loved playing hard to get with him.”

“Oh,” I said.

“Yeah,” Jack sighed. “But when Alex is that determined, then he’ll get what he wants. But please... be careful with him. He’s... well, he’s fragile.” Though Jack was laughing now, I could see the seriousness in his eyes.

“I won’t hurt him, Jack,” I promised. “Not when he’s helping me so much.”

“Good,” Jack said before turning back to his cereal. I scooped up a spoonful of oatmeal and stared at it for a few seconds.

“I’m home!” I heard Alex call before a door slammed shut. 

“Cool beans,” Jack called back, not looking up from his breakfast. Alex walked into the kitchen holding something large and oddly shaped behind his back.

“Hey Cass, I got you something,” He said with a smile. I raised one brow.

“Alex, you really don’t have to get me things,” I mumbled. He rolled his eyes.

“Just follow me, would you? I want to try something.” Alex had trudged off in the direction of his room before I could respond. I looked to Jack, as if he could guide me through Alex’s strange behavior. He shrugged.

“Better go see what he wants,” he said. I nodded before trotting off towards Alex’s room. I stood in the doorframe, watching with a confused expression as he ran around his room, pulling out papers from every crevice. I cleared my throat and he jumped before turning in my direction. He waved me in and i carefully stepped over some notebooks strewn across the floor.

“Umm, what’s up?” I asked.

“Like I said, I wanted to try something,” He said. “Sit down.” I obliged, plopping down on the edge of his bed. “Now don’t get mad, but I sort of grabbed all your notebooks that day when we went to pick up all of your stuff... and I read them.” I glared.

“Alex, why would you do that?!” I complained.

“Because they were fucking amazing pieces of writing, that’s why!” he shot back. I rolled my eyes. “They really, really are. They’re absolutely beautiful, Cassadee. You need to let that beauty shine again.” I stared down at the notebooks in his hands, recognizing them as my own. I looked back up at Alex a second later and he seemed to be contemplating his words. “Oh, shit. I don’t mean you’re not beautiful, you’re gorgeous but I mean.... uhh... umm. Never mind, that’s not the point!” He stammered. I blushed lightly. “The point is, writing is a great outlet for emotions. You’re going to write again.”

“What if I don’t want to?” I whined, getting annoyed at Alex’s slightly bossy behavior.

“Please?” he asked. “For me?” I crossed my arms and looked anywhere but at Alex. I knew if I looked at him now, his pout would make me give in. I looked up a little and groaned when I saw his warm brown eyes pleading with me.

“I’ll.... try,” I sighed. He let out a cheer.

“This is great, Cass, this is just great!” he laughed, spinning around a little before flopping down next to me. I giggled at his boyish behavior.

“Calm yourself Alex,” I said. “Is this all you wanted to show me?”

“Nope, I have more!”

“What more could there be?” I groaned. He held up a finger before reaching down next to him and pulling something up.

“I found an old friend of mine,” he said, pulling up an old but well-kept guitar. “This is my first guitar,” he said. “My cousin was borrowing it but I asked him if I could get it back early.”

“Um, it’s very nice Alex,” I said truthfully. “But what does this have to....” I trailed off as I saw the answer reveal itself in his eyes. “Oh no! I do NOT play guitar.”

“Maybe not yet,” he said.

“Alex, why?!”

“Music is a great outlet too,” he pouted.

“Alex, this is getting ridiculous,” I snapped. I saw a small spasm of pain flash through his eyes and instantly reprimanded myself. Breaking Jack’s promise already. “I’m sorry. You’re just trying to help. I guess I can try.”

“That’s my girl,” he said, pulling me into a hug. I smiled, hugging him back despite the smell of his cologne burning my nostrils. There was an odd sort of thudding in my chest, as if my heart was taking off. I sighed. Back again?

“What is that?” I thought aloud to myself.

“What?” Alex asked. “It’s Old Spice. Come on, everyone loves the smell of Old Spice!”

“No, not the smell, that thumping!” I interrupted his rambling. “In my chest. It feels weird.”

“Weird?” Alex asked, looking concerned and slightly freaked out. “How weird? Bad weird?”

“No, good weird,” I said. “But different.”

“You mean your heart’s beating faster?” Alex asked as if to confirm something.

“Um, yeah,” I said. 

“Oh well that’s usually what happens when you li-.... umm. I don’t know what that is actually,” Alex said, changing his tone mid-sentence. I pulled away from the hug.

“Yes you do,” I narrowed my eyes at him. He shook his head, smiling widely.

“I don’t know Cass, it could mean a lot of things,” he said. “It depends on how you feel when it happens.”

“Again with the feelings?” I laughed. Alex laughed too but it was a bit of a nervous sound. I sighed, letting my head drop onto his shoulder. “Everything feels different here, Alex. Maybe your house is magic.”

“Yeah,” he whispered, draping his arm across my shoulders. “Maybe that’s it.”

Alex’s POV

I thought about what Cassadee had just told me. Did her heart really beat faster when she was with me? Did she like me? I frowned, knowing that was probably a crazy notion. Maybe she just imagined it. Maybe it was a reaction to getting hugged so much after such a long time. Hell, maybe it was the Old Spice! I’d have to change to something else then. I couldn’t have Cassadee liking me as more than a friend no matter how much I wanted her to.

Wait what? 

“Alex, are you okay?” she asked suddenly, frowning at me. I realized I hadn’t said anything in a good ten minutes. “You’re all... quiet.”

“I’m fine,” I replied. “Just thinking.”

“‘Bout what?” she asked. Crap, I thought. How was I supposed to answer that? How was I supposed to tell her that I sort of just admitted to myself that I liked her. She’d be so freaked out that she’d probably run all the way to her aunt. 

“Nothing,” I said. “Just you know, what I should teach you first. I’ve been told I’m a great teacher when it comes to instruments.” She smirked.

“We’ll see,” she said with a smile. I grinned back, noticing for the first time that my heart thumped faster and louder when I was with her too. I just now realized that whenever I was with Cassadee, the little things she did, the small involuntary facial expressions and witty remarks, the way the sunlight hit her face and illuminated her eyes all made me smile. That helping her wasn’t just about making up for my past but also because it was now a big part of my future. That I really did like her. 

Crap. 

This was NOT good.

Ta-dahhh!!! I updated for the first time in AGES on this fic! I'll try and write more. For now, my mom's ready to kill me for spending the whole day writing. But comments and opinions please?

Okay, with only one week left of 2009, it’s high time i finished up my top tens of ’09! This list is for my top ten favorite videos of 2009 (in no particular order of course). Now, i may not watch too many videos, (which of course effects this list) but when I see one I really like, it's going to be constantly replayed.

1. Weightless - All Time Low
   
   
    
   This has to be my favorite video by ATL. It's hilarious and true at most parts. In a way, the band sort of humbles itself a bit by once again showing that they don't take themselves too seriously. Love this video and this song!
    
2. Brick By Boring Brick - Paramore
   
   
   
   I know a lot of people may disagree with this choice. I for one, almost didn't put this on because it's glaring lack of focus on a good 3/5 of the band. But i liked the concept of it, especially the end. No, I'm not cruel. I don't enjoy little children dying. But I did think the little girl falling into the hole sort of represented Hayley burying her past and I loved that haha.
    
3. The Brightest Green - Anarbor
   
   
   
   The synchronized headbanging at 2:04 pretty much made my day and got this on the list hahahaha. I liked this video, it was pretty entertaining to watch and complimented the song nicely.
    
4. Uprising - Muse
   
   
   
   If you didn't see this coming, then you obviously don't know me hahaha. I absolutely LOVE Muse and this single and the new album! This video was ah-mazing! As is anything that sports killer teddy bears and Muse!
    
5. My Beautiful Rescue - This Providence
   
   
   
   OHHAITHEREDANYOUNG. I thought this video was pretty simple but absolutely adorable. Tbh, when i listened to this song for the first time, I pretty much pictured a very summery setting such as this one. As such, i really loved this video, especially the adorable ending.
    
6. 21 Guns - Green Day
   
   
   
   I lovvvvedd this video and this song! It was pretty kickass. All there is to it haha.
    
7. Fireflies - Owl City
   
   
   
   I'd like to start off by saying that Adam should look up more when someone takes his picture haha. Secondly, this video was absolutely adorable! I thought it went pretty well with the song. It was light and playful just like Fireflies itself.
    
8. Sink Into Me - Taking Back Sunday
   
   
   
   Okay this video was majorly badass in my opinion. The song itself is amazing and so is this music vid. Any artists that are willing to cover themselves in goo for a few hours straight is good in my book hahaha. I thought this video was pretty fun to watch and definitely fun for the guys to make.
    
9. You Belong With Me - Taylor Swift
   
    
   
   WHOA GUILTY PLEASURE ALERT! Okay, this may come as a shock to some of you, but I do enjoy some occasional T. Swift. And this song is def. one of the few of hers that i love. I thought the video was absolutely adorable. Once again, pretty simple but that made it better in my opinion. It wasn't anything fancy shmancy. In fact, it was pretty down to earth video wise without being boring. It was a short little love story in a cute, and common (in a good way?) setting.
   
   
10. On the Bright Side - Nevershoutnever!
    
    
    
    First off, this song is one of few things that can make me smile. It was subtly inspirational, if I do say so myself. The video was quaint and of course went perfectly with the song. It reminded me a bit of cartoons that I used to watch as a kid. You know, the ones that always tell you to keep on tryin' and that you should never give up? Yeah, those. I loved it! 
    
    
    Well, that's my list! Obviously, I don't have a very large selection of videos but I think that these are all pretty deserving. 
    
    (P.S. None of these pics are mine jsyk) 

Here it is! The final chapter. As you all know, only one team will be happy with the ending. But this is just how it worked out. I hope you enjoy it! This is by far one of my best and favorite stories I've written, thank you to all my readers who have supported me.

Later that night, Josh had left for awhile to get a change of clothes and to take a much needed shower, Alex offered to stay with me since I was being discharged tomorrow. I finished feeding Evelyn and the nurse came in to take her to get her last tests done and to make sure she was completely healthy before leaving the hospital.

I got tired of flicking through channels and turned the tv off. I let out a long sigh.

“What’s wrong?” Alex asked with a smirk, looking up from his phone. He flipped it shut and slid it in his jeans pocket.

“There’s nothing on.” I grumbled, setting the remote down. He laughed lightly and scooted his chair closer to the side of my bed. I looked at him for a long time.

He finally let out a breath and reached to grasp one of my hands in his. “Listen Hayley, I just…fuck.” He muttered, scratching his red beanie. My eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“What is it Alex?” I asked him softly. “I still love you.” He managed to utter, locking his eyes with mine. I could see the mixed emotions behind his eyes. I held in my breath. “and seeing you with our daughter, it just made me feel so guilty.”

“Why?” I said in barely a whisper.

“because I don’t deserve this. I was horrible to you and you still forgave me!” His jaw clenched tight. “and I’m selfish enough to want you, even though you’re not mine to have anymore.” He confessed. I gave him a softer look and looked down at our hands. I bit my lip. I knew I still loved him. I felt so confused. How could I let this happen? “We’re leaving for our first cross-country tour next week. Come with us.” He practically begged. My eyes were filling with moisture now.

My lips quivered. I managed to shake my head, causing the tears to be exposed on my cheeks. “You know I can’t, Alex.” I told him, my voice was shaky.

His head bowed slightly, like he was in defeat. “I at least tried.” He practically scoffed with a short laugh. He looked up at me and reached to hold my face in his hands. He stroked my cheek with his thumb. “I know enough to just look at how you look at Josh, the way you used to look at me when we were 17. We had a crazy, messed up, passionate relationship, and I know that I’ve become a better person knowing you.” The hot tears were practically pouring down my cheeks now.

“I’m not the same person I was Alex.” I sobbed. I could see his eyes start to get glassy. His jaw clenched as he tried to fight and hide his emotions.

“I know that. I also know that I’m not the right person to help raise Evelyn. It would be selfish for me to lie to both of us and try to be someone I’m not.” His voice cracked.

“Alex…” I stammered. He sniffed and let out a shaky breath.

“I’m not saying that I don’t want to be there for her at all. I am her daddy and I’d like to keep it that way.” He said in more of a joking tone. I let out a quiet, shaky laugh.“but being a role-model dad and living in suburbia is not the life for me. I know I was meant to be a musician and to travel the world. One day, I’d like to share all of my adventures with Evelyn, and tell her how everywhere I go I will keep at least 5 pictures of her with me and show them to all my friends, boasting about how lucky I was to have such a beautiful daughter. You and I… we had our chance. But first loves aren’t necessarily our true loves. Josh loves you and I know he can be there when I’m not. Just promise that I can at least visit and know that she’ll be calling me Daddy.”

He wiped away my tears and I sniffed. “You have to either call, email, or text her everyday. If not, expect an angry message from me.” I told him sternly. “You are not allowed to be a deadbeat father.” He was crying now.

He laughed with me. “Okay. Anything else?”

“You have to be present for every Christmas, birthday, and holiday in her life.” He smiled. “Okay.” He sniffed. He leaned in to kiss my cheek. “Thank you.” He said softly, squeezing my hand.

3 years later

“Mama!” Evelyn squealed, running into the room. Her feet practically scooted across the wood floor because her shoes were a little too big for her. She refused to wear a different pair that fit her better because they were shoes that Alex had sent her last week. They were bright red converse that she wore with her new Black dress with a bow at the waist she got for our Christmas party. She had a knack for picking out her own outfits, and though the shoes and dress were too plain, so she wore her white polka-dotted tights. Complete with a red bow clip that held part of her hair back so it wouldn’t fall in her face. “Can I have one cookie pwease?” She begged, holding up her index finger to emphasize the one.

“Hmmm,” I told her, putting my hands on my hips. “It looks like you already had one, you have chocolate on the corner of your mouth!” I told her.

Her shoulders fell. She was caught. She batted her long eyelashes and looked up at me. “Can I have one more cookie Mama?” She pleaded.

“Just let her have it already.” Josh exclaimed with a chuckle as he came down the stairs. Josh and I had been married for two years now and he was now the chief talent scout for a major label in Nashville.

“Fiiine.” I caved. Her mouth curled into a wide grin as she raced into the kitchen in victory.

“When is everyone supposed to be here? Josh asked, wrapping his arms around me from behind.

“Anytime now. Are you sure you want to tell them tonight?” I asked him with a smile.

“I think it will be a perfect Christmas gift for my parents.” He grinned, giving me a quick kiss. “Hand me the star, we forgot to put it on the top of the tree.” He told me before grabbing a ladder and brought it into the living room. I searched through the box of leftover ornaments and found the star and handed it to him. Minutes later, he got it centered at the top and let out a satisfied breath. “That should do it.” The doorbell rang and Josh walked over to get the door. “Let the fun begin!” he teased before opening the door.

In came his parents, Nate, Zac, Jon, and Isabel, along with our friends Sarah, Jeremy, Taylor, Bekah, and Katha. We all exchanged hugs and kisses on the cheeks as Evelyn ran into the room shouting;

"Grandpa and Grammie Farro!” She practically ran headfirst into them. They gave her tight hugs as I directed everyone to the food and drinks.

It looked like everyone is here except for a few. I knew that they liked to arrive “fashionably late” as Jack often put. A few minutes later there was a knock on the door and I managed to slip away to answer it.

“Well don’t you look ravishing!” Jack gushed as he pulled me in for a tight hug.

“hey Jack.” I smiled. Alex was right behind him and I didn’t hesitate to hug him either. “Hey stranger.” I smiled as we pulled away.

“So where’s the little munchkin?” Alex asked, carrying what looked like to be a rather large bag. I turned my head to look for Evelyn.

Once I spotted her, I smiled. “Hey Evi, come see who’s here!” I told her as she looked up and her face curled into another wide grin. She jumped out of Josh’s lap and immediately bolted towards us.

“Daddeee!” She squealed, crashing right into him.

He laughed as he picked her up, squeezing her tight. “Hi baby!” He said as he hugged her even tighter.

“I missed you, Daddy.” She said softly, burrowing her hand into his shoulder.

“I missed you too munchkin. Now, I heard from Santa that you’ve been very good this year.” He began, flashing a quick glance at me with a smile.

Evelyn nodded excitedly and grinned. “Uh-huh. Mommy said I’ve been very good. I even picked up my mess yesterday.” She told him seriously.

He chuckled. “That’s good because I want you to look inside this very large bag I have.” He told her, setting her down.

She immediately opened the bad and let out a gasp. “Pwesents! Momma look!” She squealed. Sure enough, there were at least 10 presents in there. I gave him a look. I didn’t like that he spoiled her so much.

“Don’t worry, there’s gifts for you and Josh too.” He reassured me with a wink.

I rolled my eyes.“Well come on in before you get frostbite!” I told them as the joined the group.

Once I got the chance to sit down and catch up with everyone, and Evi and Isabel ripped open as many presents as we allowed them, Josh leaned closer to whisper in my ear. “Should we tell them now?” I bit my lip and nodded. Josh cleared his throat. “So Hayley and I have an announcement to make.” Josh began, grabbing everyone’s attention.

Evelyn was sitting in Alex’s lap, turning her attention on us. I took in a deep breath. “We’re having a baby.” I smiled.

Everyone erupted into squeals and giggles. “When are you due?” Josh’s mom, Lisa asked.

“May 28th.” I said happily.

“Baby brother or sister?” Evelyn asked, a little confused. I nodded. “This is the best Christmas ever!” She squealed clapping her hands. Everyone laughed.

I looked at Alex who was smiling widely. I could tell he was happy for us. He seemed to be hitting it off with Katha. I smiled at both of them.

If someone told me 5 years ago that I was going to be married with a daughter and a baby on the way, I wouldn’t have believed them for a second. Then, I realized the feeling I had wanted for so long, the kind of feeling that took your breath away and made you feel like you were on top of the world…wanting to feel infinite. I finally had that new beginning I had wanted, and now I couldn’t be happier.

THE END

Wow! I can't believe this is almost over. Thanks to all my readers who stuck with me through the writer's block! I've made my decision of how this is finally going to end. Hope you enjoy the second-to-last chapter!

Alex

I couldn't believe that this little girl was mine. I felt like I didn't deserve her. After all that I had put Hayley through, I got a daughter in return. I expected for her to never want to see me again, or even include me in our daughters life. That Josh was my replacement. He was everything she deserved. How could I compete with that? But yet, I was selfish enough to still want her and our daughter all to myself. So here I sat with my sleeping miracle all bundled up in my arms, wondering if I deserved her.

"You have no idea how lucky you are, Alex." I heard Josh mutter from the chair across from me.

I looked up at him, slightly confused. "I think I do know." I said simply.

"After all you put her through, she still forgave you. Now you have a daughter that I wish was mine." He sighed, rubbing his temple.

"Why do you wish that?" I asked, almost stupidly.

"because I was there for her when you were making music, doing what you love. I was the one who picked up the pieces that you shattered. I convinced her to keep her baby. and now, you get that baby that I wished could be mine, to end her pain. So she could be happy."

"I know fully well what I put her through. It messed me up too you know," I snapped.

He raised his hands up in defense. "Fine, fine. All I'm saying is, I hope you know where your proirities lie."

Hayley

I woke up to the sound of a small cry. My eyelids fluttered open and saw that Evelyn was fussing in her "crib" or cart, whatever it was, right next to my bed. I winced as I shifted my body to reach over and scoop her up into my arms, rocking her back and forth gently. Both Alex and Josh were out cold in their chairs. It looked like the stayed up most of the night so I could get some rest, despite having to wake up and feed her. "Ssshh Evi, Mommy's got you." I cooed, trying to sooth her. She settled down and just looked up at me with her wide, curious eyes. I smiled down at her. She was so beautiful. I looked up to look out the window out onto the horizon. The sky was filled with soft pinks and oranges. It was almost time for the sunrise. I smiled to myself.

------

I don't know why I always woke up before the sun rose. I think it all started when we first moved here. I was fascinated with New York and all of the people in it. I remember sitting out on the fire escape for the first time and watching as the sky was lit up in bright shades of pink and orange, covered in faded purple shadows. I opened my door quietly and grabbed my old cd player and made my way over to that same window and crawled onto the cool metal in my bare feet. I turned the volume all the way up and set my headphones down next to me and soon I could hear the faint melody of In Circles by Sunny Day Real Estate. I closed my eyes as I breathed in the icy air and let my muscles loosen.

I wasn't really paying attention when Alex suddenly appeared from the window and took a seat next to me. He obviously had just woken up judging by his hair and facial expression. "Do you always wake up this early?" he said quietly.

I nodded. "Every morning to watch the sunrise." I breathed looking out onto the horizon."I've always had a fascination with it. Like it represents a bigger meaning than just another day. I feel like it's taken for granted."

"The sun rising?" He questioned, wanting me to elaborate on what I had just told him.

"It's not just the sun rising. People just see it as the beginning of just another day. To me it represents the beginning of something new, an adventure, a chance to ---"

"start over." he finished. I looked at him and let my mouth curl into a small smile. He understood everything that I was saying. He looked down at my cd player and back up at me. He pointed to it "In circles?" he guessed.

I nodded. "One of the best songs ever made." I all but bragged.

"I prefer faces in disguise myself." he said in a sly tone. "I have to admit, you have some decent taste in music Red." he smiled.

I laughed. "Well since you keep calling me Red, I need to figure out a nickname for me to call you." I decided.

He raised an eyebrow. "Such as?..."

"Just give me a minute, jeez. It will come to me at the right time." I teased, turning back onto the view in front of me. The sunlight was hitting all of the buildings now, giving off a golden hue.

- - - - -

It seemed like that time wasn't so far away. I had changed so much...and now I was a mother. I didn't want the same things I did when I was 17. I wanted to travel the world and be somebody, and get out of that shabby apartment I was in. I wanted to travel with Alex and just have fun and be in love. Now, I still wanted love, but I could still find that excitement by being the best mom I could be for my daughter. I want to be the mom my mom never could be.

"Is she awake?" I heard Josh whisper, waking up.

I held in a giggle. His hair was sticking up on one side from sleeping in an odd way. I smiled at him. "She was fussing a little. She's going back to sleep now." I whispered back to him. I patted the bed for him to come sit by me.

He complied and came and laid down next to me, letting out a breath. "She looks just like you, you know." He mused, touching her tiny hand.

I smiled. "I think there is a little bit of Alex here and there." I chuckled quietly. I turned my head to look up at him. "Thank you." I whispered.

His eyebrows furrowed slightly. "For what?"

"For everything. You've helped me through all of it and now I can see how much it was worth it, and I love you so much for that." I told him quietly.

He smiled at me with moisture in his eyes. "I love you too." was all that he could say. He leaned in to kiss me until we head a groan.

"What did I miss?" Alex grumbled, stretching.

I sighed and gave him an apologetic look. He kissed my cheek anyways. "Nothing really. She was fussing a little bit." I explained.

He rubbed his eyes. "Well Jack is gonna come and visit later, and I'm going to grab some coffee. Do you want anything?"

"Maybe a chai tea?" I shrugged. "Do you want anything Josh?"

I saw Alex's jaw clench slightly when I asked that. Both Alex and Josh seemed to be staring each other down. Josh let out a breath. "Nope. I'm fine."

"Kay." Alex muttered before opening and shutting the door quietly.

"Well isn't she the cutest thing since sliced bread!" Jack squealed as he burst through the hospital room door.

"Erm, thanks Jack." I stammered, still not fully understanding how his mind worked.

"Oh, I meant the blond nurse at the front desk. But she's cute too." He joked, sliding a chair by my bed. I rolled my eyes. "Can I hold her?" he asked, holding his arms out.

My glance wavered from him to Alex. Alex chuckled. "Go ahead, I think Jack is smart enough to know how to hold a baby."

He shaped his arms like a cradle and I laid her in his arms hesitantly, holding in my breath. He cradled her close to him, which gave me reassurance that he could at least use the brain he had in that hard head of his. "Well she isn't a fat baby, so that's good." he commented. "Well baby girl, you are sure lucky to have your mom's looks. I don't know what we would do if you turned out like your dad."

"Hey!" Alex muttered defensively. "I made half of that cuteness right there."