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Rians POV   I was sitting in the hotel bar, waiting for Cass to call me. Sometimes touring in a different country and different time zones sucked. I looked up from my phone in time to see Mackenzie almost running through the lobby. I waited maybe thirsty seconds and when no one followed her, I quickly stood up and went after her. I finally caught up to her about a block away from the hotel “Why the hell are there no cabs?” she mumbled angrily “Where are you looking to go?” I stopped beside her “I don’t care” “In that case, can I talk to you for a minute?” “I know what you’re going to say and I want to tell you not to bother” I sighed and stayed quiet. None of us really knew her too well. The guys from The Cab were… I don’t even know, but they were always around her, and didn’t really like it when she hung out with us. Or maybe it wasn’t so much us, as it was Alex. “Please?” I tried, sitting on a patch of grass just off the sidewalk. I patted the spot beside me  and smiled slightly when she unfolded her arms and dropped down next to me “You need to know the truth” I started “Yes Tay and Alex kissed, but it was only for work. It’s the same as when actors kiss. It’s pretend and I know how Alex feels about you, he’d never do anything to hurt you, especially cheat on you” she just looked at the ground so I continued “His ex cheated on him” I admitted “they were together a really long time and when he found out, she left. It broke his heart, we were all worried about him until he met you” I waited for a reaction but there was nothing. “Cass and I are the same you know? I worry about guys around her, both fans and the guys in their videos and at the start her band mates. And she’s the same with me” “How do you do it?” she asked looking up at me “We love each other. It rules everything else out” “Maybe it was just work for him, but how do I know about her?” “It doesn’t matter” I answered quickly “Even if it did mean something more to Tay – which I don’t think it does – he loves you and only wants you” “He probably hates me right now” she sighed sadly “Trust me. He doesn’t. You should go talk to him though” “Yeah maybe” I stood up and pulled her with me “No, you’ll go talk to him now” I informed, walking her back to the hotel. I got in the elevator with her and walked her to Alex’s room. “Just hear him out” I told her as I felt my phone vibrate and Cass’s face flash on my screen. I knocked on the door  before answering he Skype call and walking to my room.]]> 2013-05-18T19:33:27Z nat85 Buzznet http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/2/0/6/4/7/8/thumb-21206478.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/2/0/6/4/7/8/synd-21206478.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/2/0/6/4/7/8/mob-21206478.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/2/0/6/4/7/8/gallery-21206478.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/2/0/6/4/7/8/large-21206478.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/2/0/6/4/7/8/feat-21206478.jpg nat85 1 0 http://www.buzznet.com/groups/alexgaskarth/journals/106768469/
Alex D’s POV   As soon as our set was over we rushed back to the hotel, praying that she was there. After the fight with Alex earlier she fled the building and we hadn’t heard from her since. We thankfully found her in her room, after lying to a maid and telling her that we were worried about Kenzies safety.    She had been crying, that much was obvious, but what soon became clear, was that she was pissed off at me. She wouldn’t look at me, or talk and she roughly pushed me away when I tried to hug her. “Are you pissed at me?” I asked “What was your first clue?” “Why? What did I do?” I asked innocently “Don’t play innocent with me Alex. You know exactly what you did” she snapped “I didn’t kiss another girl” I reasoned “No!” she yelled “but you took great delight in telling me Alex had. You eagerly showed me the video” “You deserved to know” I said plainly “I agree, but I should have found out from him” “As if he’d ever tell you!” I shouted “I guess we’ll never know will we?” “Guys calm down” Marsh begged “I will not calm down!” Kenzie glared at him “You were the one that pushed me to go out with him and you turn around and do this?” Before I could answer she continued “you seem to want nothing more than to break us up” she accused “I want you happy, and you wont be happy dating a guy that cheats on you. Publically I might add” “So I should date girls then?” “What? No!” “Well John cheated, Alex cheated. Do you see a pattern?!” she yelled “There are other guys out there that would treat you right!” “Just go away” she ordered “He doesn’t deserve you Kenz. I was just showing you what he’s like. He doesn’t love you” She was silent for a while so I broke it with possibly the dumbest comment ever “I mean. Most girls would be grateful I saved them all the hassle. You could say thank -” I stopped when her hand connected with my face “Thank you for showing me what an ass hole you are” she fumed before rushing from the room.]]> 2013-04-29T01:45:56Z nat85 Buzznet http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/1/9/7/9/8/8/thumb-21197988.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/1/9/7/9/8/8/synd-21197988.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/1/9/7/9/8/8/mob-21197988.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/1/9/7/9/8/8/gallery-21197988.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/1/9/7/9/8/8/large-21197988.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/1/9/7/9/8/8/feat-21197988.jpg nat85 2 0 http://www.buzznet.com/groups/alexgaskarth/journals/106746241/
Alex G’s POV   For the rest of the afternoon I was kept away from Kenzie. Every time I tried to find her I was stopped by someone. I found it strange and annoying that my band mates were sometimes the ones stopping me. From them it was ‘let her cool off’ or ‘concentrate on the show’ and from The Cab it was anything from ‘she’s not up to seeing you’ or ‘give her some space, then talk to her tomorrow’ to the very pointed comments from Alex of ‘stay away from her, you’ve hurt her enough’ to ‘she doesn’t want to speak to you again. Why don’t you go hang out with Tay’   I had so many thoughts going through my mind for the rest of the night, that when it came time to go on stage, I couldn’t concentrate. I actually forgot the words to a few songs and ended up faking a sore throat and finishing the set early.   I just wanted Kenzie, wanted to talk to her and explain that it was just work and it meant nothing to me. Wanted her to say it was ok and to feel her in my arms. I also wanted to kill Alex. I had no idea why he acted that way earlier. I mean he hurt her as much as he hurt me. “So um. What are you doing about tonight?” Jack asked bringing me back to the present. “What do you mean?” I asked confused “Like where am I sleeping tonight?” “Oh” I’d totally forgotten that Kenzie was supposed to stay with me tonight. I didn’t even know what to tell Jack. “Do you mind if I be alone tonight?” I asked “Sure. If you need me, I’ll be in Vinnie’s room.   I went back to the hotel with everyone else, but stayed quiet, lost in my own thoughts. I needed to figure out a way to talk to her, but I knew she’d be surrounded all the time now. I got out of the van and made my way to the elevator. Only Jack came with me. Rian and Zack stayed in the lobby talking to people. The doors opened and Jack stepped out then turned to me. “Call if you need anything” he said as the doors closed. A few seconds later I arrived on the twelfth floor and slowly made my way to my room. As I walked past room 1207 I heard arguing. I stopped and listened and smiled slightly when I heard Kenzie and Alex’s voices. They sure had a set of lungs on them. The sound was muffled slightly, but I could still make out what was being said. It seemed I wasn’t the only one angry with Alex tonight.]]> 2013-04-09T20:59:42Z nat85 Buzznet http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/1/9/0/4/3/7/thumb-21190437.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/1/9/0/4/3/7/synd-21190437.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/1/9/0/4/3/7/mob-21190437.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/1/9/0/4/3/7/gallery-21190437.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/1/9/0/4/3/7/large-21190437.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/1/9/0/4/3/7/feat-21190437.jpg nat85 2 0 http://www.buzznet.com/groups/alexgaskarth/journals/106735786/
"I'm scared, Alex," She admitted with a quivering lip. His expression softened at the sight of her crippled posture, and how badly it was trembling. A sob parted her lips, one she didn't mean to escape, but was creating such a drastic lump in her throat she couldn't seem to swallow. He solaced her between his arms, let her rest her head on the nook of his shoulder, and rubbed her back in the process; comforting her was the only thing keeping him from collapsing as well.  "We'll be fine Delilah, don't worry," He whispered softly against her dirty-blonde locks. Another vibrating sob surpassed her system, and Alex attempted in his best efforts to keep her steady. He was her rock now, and nothing about it could be altered.  "No we won't," She cried back, voice as soft as a feather, "We killed someone."  . . .  "pυll a тrιgger wιтнoυт тнιnĸιng, тнere'ѕ only one way down тнιѕ road." _______________________ A/N: Would anyone be interested? I don't know. This idea has been roaming around, and I thought, what the hey? I have the prologue written up, but I'm a little hesitant... I know I'm more on the Paramore side of buzznet, so are there any takers? No? Whatever, YOLO, right? :x - Dani :P ]]> 2013-03-31T19:20:01Z xunderapapermoon Buzznet alexgaskarth alltimelow au dark delilah fanfiction murder runaway timebomb alex gaskarth alex gaskarth alex gaskarth. all time low all time low all tim elow all time low all time low all time low! all time low. all timelow all+time+low all-time low allt ime low alltime low d.a.r.k. fan fiction fan fiction fan fiction ! fan fiction. fan-fiction fanfic run away run away! run-away time bomb time-bomb http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/1/8/6/2/2/2/thumb-21186222.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/1/8/6/2/2/2/synd-21186222.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/1/8/6/2/2/2/mob-21186222.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/1/8/6/2/2/2/gallery-21186222.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/1/8/6/2/2/2/large-21186222.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/1/8/6/2/2/2/feat-21186222.jpg xunderapapermoon 3 100 http://www.buzznet.com/groups/alexgaskarth/journals/106713463/
Alex G’s POV   “Why do I have to leave?” Jack asked for the third time “Because I want tonight to be special, and that means you not being here” “Oh so I’m not special anymore” he scoffed “You know what I mean Jack” I tried “It’s just that Kenzie and I haven’t really had time alone yet, what with Alex, or one of the other guys always being around her” I explained “Yeah I’ve noticed that” he mused “Mainly Alex and Joey, which I don’t really understand. I mean, you don’t think” he stopped abruptly “What?” “Uh nothing, never mind” “I don’t think what Jack?” I demanded. It took him a while to answer me, but I already had a few ideas of what he was going to say. “That Alex is into her?” I sighed but it sounded more like a groan “I’ve thought that too recently, but I was hoping it was just my imagination. Now it makes me think there is something if other people are seeing it too” “Al, I’m sure it’s nothing. Besides, she’s dating you, not him, so it doesn’t matter how he feels, she chose to be with you” “I hope so. I can’t lose her” He smiled sadly and clapped his hand on my shoulder “I’m gonna go grab my bag” “Thanks Jack” I thanked watching him walk to his bag and start packing.   A few hours later we were at the venue. We were all sitting on the stage talking, while the crew set up for the show. “Hey Kenz!” Alex shouted, making me look up. I smiled as she made her way across the open space and jumped halfway up onto the stage. Zack was the closest to her, so he held his hands out to her and pulled her up. “Thank you” she smile at him, then made her way over to me and sat between my legs. I pulled her back against my chest and wrapped my arms around her “Finished?” I asked “Yep. I’m free until doors open” she turned her head and kissed me. “Speaking of kissing” DeLeon interrupted “Alex’s new video came out today” “What video?” she asked curiously “The colab he did with We Are The In Crowd” he explained “the one he worked on in LA” “Oh right. But what’s that got to do with kissing?” “The name of the song is ‘Kiss Me Again’” “Oh” everyone went quiet “What’s wrong?” I asked concerned “I didn’t know that. You know, that you’d be kissing in the video” she sounded so sad, but before I could say anything, Alex put his laptop in front of her and pressed play. We all watched and once it ended, there was silence. “How long did it take to film that?” Alex asked smugly “Just under a week” I answered, not understanding where he was going with this. “That’s a long time considering it’s not your bands video.” I felt Kenzie tense in my arms and I glared at him. I knew what he was doing. He was putting thoughts into her head. “You kissed her a lot then” my head whipped from Alex to Kenzie “No! Baby I swear nothing like that happened. We did that last scene in a few takes, the rest of the time was the rest of the video” I explained “A few takes?” she asked unsure “I swear” I was surprised when she turned right around and kissed me full on. She pulled away slowly and looked me in the eyes “That kiss only took one take. Why did you need more with her?”   I tried to grab her as she stood up and walked away. I could see the tears about to escape when she looked at me, but she was too fast. I jumped up after her but Alex stood in my way. “Leave her alone” he warned “Get out of my way” I demanded. We stepped towards each other and were quickly surrounded by our band mates. “C’mon Al, we have a show to get ready for” Jack stated while Zack and Rian dragged me off stage.]]> 2013-03-11T13:55:51Z nat85 Buzznet http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/1/7/7/1/1/2/thumb-21177112.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/1/7/7/1/1/2/synd-21177112.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/1/7/7/1/1/2/mob-21177112.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/1/7/7/1/1/2/gallery-21177112.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/1/7/7/1/1/2/large-21177112.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/1/7/7/1/1/2/feat-21177112.jpg nat85 2 0 http://www.buzznet.com/groups/alexgaskarth/journals/106701712/
Alex G’s POV   Her eyes were huge and her mouth opened in shock “Shit” she whispered and dropped her head. I rushed forward and held her in my arms “Baby this is the best surprise ever!” I exclaimed, thinking everyone was hiding her to surprise me, although I couldn’t figure out why “When did you get here?” I asked leaning back slightly “Last night” she still wouldn’t look at me “Why didn’t you tell me? I would have picked you up” she didn’t answer or look up. My heart sank as I dropped my arms and stepped away “You’re breaking up with me aren’t you?” “No! Alex no, I’m not” she answered quickly, finally looking up “Kenzie what happened to your face?” “It’s nothing” she rushed. I didn’t believe her “It doesn’t look like nothing” I argued while trying to remain calm “I ran into my ex in Florida and he wasn’t happy about the last time we saw each other and - ” “He hit you?” I demanded “I’m going to kill him” I seethed. How dare he lay a finger on her. I’d heard a little bit about her ex, but only what the guys had told me, and they didn’t know much either. Well Alex knew more, but he and I weren’t in a sharing kind of mood recently. Kenzie would never talk about him, which I didn’t really want her to either, but I couldn’t believe he’d hit her like this. Although it shouldn’t surprise me after they’d told me he got physical with her the night they met her. “No you wont” she stated seriously “You wont go near him and none of you will involve yourselves in this” she added, giving me the impression I wasn’t the only one she’d given this order to. “So this is why you ignored my calls and hid from me?” I finally asked “why?” I pressed when she just nodded “I didn’t want you to worry or over react. I was hoping the bruising would be gone in a few days” “Never hide something like this from me” I scolded and pulled her to the couch. I sat down and pulled her with me. She cuddled into me, half on my lap half on the couch with my arms wrapped around her “I missed you so much” I kissed the top of her head “I don’t like not having you with me” this time I kissed her lips “I missed you too” she smiled into the kiss. I pulled her into my lap and held her face in my hands. She leaned in and kissed me, but I pulled away again. I stroked the bruise on her cheek with my thumb and felt her warm hands rest on top of mine. “I love you Kenzie” I broke the silence. I saw shock cross her face before she took a deep breath and look me in the eyes” “I love you too” she said shakily. I smiled and pulled her face back to mine and kissed her, putting as much passion into it as I could. “STOP THAT” we pulled away and looked back at the door “I’m not ready to be an uncle yet” DeLeon finished as the rest of them walked into the room. I rolled my eyes when he pulled Kenzie off me and sat between us. Kenzie lay her arm along the back of the couch, behind Alex’s head and motioned for my hand which I promptly gave her. I smiled feeling her hand in mine, our fingers entwined, knowing that she loved me.]]> 2013-02-28T12:57:57Z nat85 Buzznet alex deleon alex gaskarth all time low nat85 the cab we got there in the end alex de leon alex de'leon alexdeleon alexgaskarth #alltimelow $$alltimelow$$ all tim elow all timelow all-time low allt ime low alltime low alltimelow thecab wegotthereintheend http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/1/7/2/8/4/0/thumb-21172840.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/1/7/2/8/4/0/synd-21172840.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/1/7/2/8/4/0/mob-21172840.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/1/7/2/8/4/0/gallery-21172840.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/1/7/2/8/4/0/large-21172840.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/1/7/2/8/4/0/feat-21172840.jpg nat85 3 100 http://www.buzznet.com/groups/alexgaskarth/journals/106664668/
Alex G’s POV   As I was walking past The Cabs dressing room I could hear someone talking. I slowed down and stood next to the slightly open door and listened. I could definitely make out DeLeons voice, and I think the other voice was Joey, with the others occasionally speaking. I usually wouldn’t stand here and spy on them, but they had been acting really strange today and since I had nothing better to do, I decided to find out why. “He needs to know” Joey, I think “Disagree” DeLeon for sure “She doesn’t want him to know. I say we respect that” pretty sure that was Dave. I started to get more interested now. “Come on guys, he deserves to know. I mean if it was your girlfriend, wouldn’t you want to  know?” I stepped closer to the door at Joeys words. I knew they had to be talking about me now. “Guys please? Just a few more days” Kenzie! “Kenzie we fly out tomorrow, he’ll be there” Alex Marshall finally spoke. I had no idea what they were talking about, but I did know Kenzie was involved. I turned towards the door, about to barge in there and demand an explanation when it suddenly opened “Alex!” Joey yelped pushing me into the hallway and pulling the door shut behind him. I could hear a few muffled “Shh’s” from inside as he began to talk. “What’s up man?” “Uh nothing much, just stopping by to hang” I lied “Oh well we’re about to head to a meet and greet, maybe later?” I could tell he was nervous “Sure” I agreed casually and walked away.   I watched them leave and waited a few minutes longer – just to make sure they were gone for good – then snuck back to their dressing room. I didn’t know what they were hiding from me, but I know I heard Kenzies voice earlier. For the past few days, whenever I would call her, it would ring out, then five minutes later she’d send me a text message, saying she couldn’t answer. But it looked as though she took calls from these guys, so I was hoping one of them had left their phone in there and I could call her from it. I quietly opened the door, just enough for me to squeeze through, then shut it just as quietly behind me. I looked around the room, noticing it was a lot neater than ours. Kenzie must have rubbed off on them, even while she wasn’t here, because they were about as messy as us. I looked around, but couldn’t find a phone, not really surprising, they were all permanently glued to their phones. I was about to give up, when I heard a very familiar ringtone from the other side of the room. I rushed over to a door, and knowing it wasn’t the bathroom, I pushed the door open and froze when I saw Kenzie standing in front of me.]]> 2013-01-24T17:18:37Z nat85 Buzznet http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/1/5/9/4/4/9/thumb-21159449.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/1/5/9/4/4/9/synd-21159449.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/1/5/9/4/4/9/mob-21159449.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/1/5/9/4/4/9/gallery-21159449.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/1/5/9/4/4/9/large-21159449.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/1/5/9/4/4/9/feat-21159449.jpg nat85 2 100 http://www.buzznet.com/groups/alexgaskarth/journals/106630809/
Alex D’s POV “Where is she?” Gaskarth asked bursting into our hotel room with Jack right behind him. “Guys?” his smile fell when he noticed the silence “She’s still at home” Dave answered him “What? Why? What’s wrong?” his voice rose with anxiety “Her mom got worse so she’s staying behind until they know more” “Why didn’t she tell me?” he wondered aloud “Maybe she didn’t want to be made to feel guilty for not coming” I snapped angrily “Alex” Joey warned “Screw you” Alex sneered at me and walked out slamming the door “Oh goodie” Jack mumbled looking at the door “looks like another interesting tour with you two fighting again” he shook his head and left as well “That wasn’t a very smart move” Marshall told me “you’re going to end up pushing her away if he tells her about this” with nothing to say, I just shrugged and turned away from their disappointed faces. I was in the right, Kenzie obviously didn’t tell him for a reason. “Hello” I mumbled into my phone “Alex?” “Kenz?” I realised it was her soft voice “Did I wake you?” she asked guiltily “It’s ok, what’s wrong?” “What hotel are you in?” “You called me at” I pulled the phone away from my ear “three am to ask me that?” I yawned “I forgot, and I left all my paperwork at home” “We’re at the Hyatt Regency” I answered absently after taking a minute to remember myself “Ok I’ll see you later” “Wait!” I called waking up “Where are you?” “The airport” she replied “Wait there and I’ll come get you” I instructed “No Alex, it’s fine. I’ll just get a cab” “I am the cab” she laughed “text me the details of where you are and I’ll be there soon” I waited for her to agree then hung up and started to feel my way around the dark room. I had just found my suitcase when the light came on. “Ahhh” I screamed “Turn it off!” I shielded my eyes and heard Alex chuckle “Where are you going?” he asked suspiciously “who was that on the phone?” “I’m going to pick Kenz up from the airport and since you’re awake, you’re coming too” He didn’t argue as he jumped out of bed and copied me by pulling on random clothes.   “I should have got a cab” she mused as we got closer to her “did you get dressed in the dark?” “Pretty much” Alex shrugged and hugged her. He let her go and grabbed her bag while Ihugged her “How’s your mom?” I asked pulling her out from under the shadows she was standing in. “What?” she asked “Oh right, she’s better” I looked down at her, what a strange response. It was like she’d forgotten about her mom being sick. “Are you ok?” I asked but she wouldn’t look at me. As we arrived at the cab Alex had hailed, I pulled her around to face me. I tried to read her face, but she had it firmly pointing at the ground. “Kenz?” I asked pulling her chin up “What the -” “Just get in the car. Please?” she pulled away from me and practically dove into the car in front of Alex. I walked around to the other door and Alex got in the same side as Kenzie, forcing her into the middle, where I knew she didn’t want to be. Alex was chattering away to her and she was swatting my hand away from her face “Do you two want to be left alone?” he asked suddenly. I ignored him, glad he had finally stopped talking “Are you going to tell me what really happened in Florida? I asked seriously “I ran into John” she groaned, obviously frustrated with me “And I don’t want to talk about it right now” she added quickly “Fine, but first thing in the morning, you’re explaining everything” Alex ordered seeing her face in the lights of the airport “Great” she sighed and slid down in the seat against me.      ]]> 2012-12-20T12:55:18Z nat85 Buzznet http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/1/4/7/0/7/2/thumb-21147072.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/1/4/7/0/7/2/synd-21147072.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/1/4/7/0/7/2/mob-21147072.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/1/4/7/0/7/2/gallery-21147072.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/1/4/7/0/7/2/large-21147072.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/1/4/7/0/7/2/feat-21147072.jpg nat85 1 100 http://www.buzznet.com/groups/alexgaskarth/journals/106619388/
Anybody else just not in a good mood today? I love you guys, take care. If you could go back in time, a week ago..., a month ago..., a year ago..., would you? Would you tell yourself what you know now? And what is it exactly that you have learned? Would you tell your younger self not to be so dumb? Not to be so secluded? To never pick up those blades or diet pills. To never put a finger to the back of your throat, binge, purge, starve? Would your life be any different then it was now? We have all these questions but yet, no answers to why we're this way and that. That some people can cope with their life while others have to find salvation in a blade. Are we any different from any other living being? I looked around the ward and ran my fingers through my hair, biting on the pen and contemplated for awhile before writing again. Do you think your life would be any different then it is now? Questions that cannot be answered until you figure it out yourself, truth be told, or, that's what they tell us when we're having group therapy. But really, it's just people pecking at other people for the way they are. I looked around and spotted the orange-haired girl, with her short hair in a ponytail, hesitant about taking the medication the ward had to give us and without hesitation, my voice boomed, "You have to take them, or you'll get points off." She turned around, quite a ways away from me and turned back to the nurse and tilted her head back, taking the medication and turned to look at me for a few seconds. For someone who was admitted, this orange-haired girl was standing straight with her head up high. Something that I would be too afraid to even do at home. I was never the one for self-confidence. "Can I sit here?" The girl looked down at me and I stared at her, noticing her pale green eys and the little gap between her teeth. And the over-size, "Nashville" sweater that had oversized print for this small girl. Like she was sort of hiding. "Sure." I said and moved over, closing my book, "I'm Taylor." "Hayley." She sighed, "So could you tell me more about this points system?" "Yeah, um...," Where too begin, I had been here for so long that this had been routine for me. "You get points for getting out of bed and getting dressed. You get points for eating and hanging out with the other patients. And once you get enough points, you get outside privileges." She played with her fingers, chipping off the black nail polish, "And do I want outside privileges?" I nodded, "If you're like me, it gets your mind off of how a boring white, the walls are." "You take notice on the walls?" She asked, raising her eyesbrows. I shrugged, "I take notice on everything." "That's weird, isn't it?" "Only to people who find it weird." I stood up, and put a cigarette in my mouth, "And in that case, I don't really care what people think of me because, look at me. Look at where I am. It can't get any worse then this, now could it." I turned on my heel and waved to the nurse and she escorted me outside, to the spot where I normally sat. By the lake, with supervision. Although, I haven't had thoughts of killing myself in awhile. I inhaled and exhaled, a breath of smoke coming out in front of me as I opened my book and started writing again. My thoughts are a constant battle, between good and bad. Light verses the darkness.  You can have good days and bad days. Maybe since I feel like I can trust you now, I'll tell you something about myself. Fact about me: It's easier not having friends. But that doesn't make it any less lonely. ]]> 2012-12-12T17:52:49Z maxinied Buzznet http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/1/4/2/8/1/6/thumb-21142816.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/1/4/2/8/1/6/synd-21142816.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/1/4/2/8/1/6/mob-21142816.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/1/4/2/8/1/6/gallery-21142816.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/1/4/2/8/1/6/large-21142816.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/1/4/2/8/1/6/feat-21142816.jpg maxinied 5 100 http://www.buzznet.com/groups/alexgaskarth/journals/106617619/
Alex G’s POV I stood at the airport, my arms wrapped around Kenzie, holding her body tight against mine, not ever wanting to let her go. “We’re boarding” Dave said coming up behind her “Come with me?” I begged “You know I can’t” she looked up at me “Please?” I tried again “Nope. I’ll text you when I land” “No. You’ll call me when you land” I corrected “I’ll miss you” I told her, bringing my lips to hers “Me too” she mumbled. My arms tightened, pulling her against me, closer than before “KENZIE!” we both looked around out the shout of her name. Both Alex’s, Dave and Joey were at the gate, waving her over impatiently “I’ll see you later” she smiled and pulled away from me. As she joined the guys, my eyes narrowed when DeLeon put his arm around her shoulders and looked back at me and smiled before he pulled her into the tunnel, not letting her look back at me.   “Hey babe” I smiled as I answered my phone almost a week later “Hey, how’s work going?” she asked, but she sounded distracted “Good. Almost done actually” I told her “So I was thinking if we get this finished early, maybe we can go away for a few days. You know, maybe rent a car and go up to San Fran or maybe Vegas?” “That sounds like fun” she mused “Kenzie, what’s wrong?” I instantly knew something was wrong when she didn’t say anything about my Vegas comment. “Um I can’t meet up with you this week” “Why not?” I asked, suddenly suspicious of Alex “I have to fly back to Miami” “Why? What’s going on?” I pressed “My mom’s sick and I need to go home” The tone of her voice made me realise her mom didn’t just have the flu. “Do you want me to come with you?” “No, I should only be a few days, I’ll meet up with you in London” London was where we were meeting The Cab to start the tour, but I was hoping if Kenzie was already with me in LA, then she’d fly with us instead of going back to Vegas and flying with them. I was starting to notice Alex’s growing attachment to Kenzie and I didn’t like it. I felt it went way beyond friends and I didn’t want him near my girlfriend if he was having not-so-just-friends- feelings about her. “Ok babe” I sighed “if you want me there, just say the word and I’ll be on the first flight out” “Thank you, but I’ll be fine. Go have fun in LA” A few minutes later we said our goodbyes and I walked back onto set.]]> 2012-12-11T13:30:31Z nat85 Buzznet http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/1/4/2/0/0/6/thumb-21142006.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/1/4/2/0/0/6/synd-21142006.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/1/4/2/0/0/6/mob-21142006.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/1/4/2/0/0/6/gallery-21142006.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/1/4/2/0/0/6/large-21142006.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/2/1/1/4/2/0/0/6/feat-21142006.jpg nat85 1 100