In the third chapter of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, IT'S A WEASLEY PARTY. GET YOUR GIFS, YOUR BLINGEES, AND YOUR PARTY FAVORS. BECAUSE IT'S A WEASLEY PARTY. Intrigued? Then it's time for Mark to read Harry Potter.
CHAPTER 3: THE BURROW
WELCOME TO THE FIRST ANNUAL WEASLEY PARTY. If you'll place your GIF images, your Blingee manipulations, and your general PICSPAMS by the door, we'll get to those in a second. Oh, gosh, I'm so terribly excited that you guys are here! I was worried this party wouldn't be much of a success. I mean, I've never held one of these before! But you guys showed up! Thank you!
We've got packages of Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans right here on the counter for each one of you. Be careful of those earwax and toejam flavors! They always seem to sneak up on you.
Wait...what's that? You got invited to this party by a friend? And you don't even know what it's for??? My poor child, allow me to share with you the wonder that is the Weasley family!
See, we're right at the point in the narrative where Harry Potter is miraculously rescued by Ron Weasley and his twin brothers, Fred and George. And he's not just rescued in any old way: the Weasley brothers show up at Harry's window in their father's flying car!!!
That's why we're having this party! Well, it's just part of the reason we're having this party. You know who else deserves a celebration?
This is also the point where we finally get to meet Ron's mother completely, instead of just in passing. And she is a wonderful, caring woman! Maybe a bit strict, but she's just trying to manage a household full of young wizards with a penchant for hijinks. She's bubbly and she treats Harry with so much love and respect, even though she's only met him once before AND was the impetus for her sons taking her husband's car on a joyride rescue.
This party is for the Weasleys, my dear! Have you never had a chocolate frog? Ever? My gosh, that is such a tragedy! Let me rectify this for you. And make sure to keep your Famous Wizards card, too. Who did you get?
Wait, what did you say? Are there any more Weasleys? ARE THERE ANY MORE WEASLEYS? Surely you know about Mr. Weasley, right? It's quite possible that he is my favorite Weasley. See, he works in the Ministry of Magic and he has to deal with magic infiltrating the Muggle world. And he does it without judging Muggle ignorance towards magic, all while casting memory spells and collecting Muggle paraphernalia to further his understand of a world he wasn't born to.
And he loves his children! Maybe a bit too much, because he finds it hard to scold them as much as Mrs. Weasley, but this is ok! They are an excellent parenting team and their children really love them!
But you know what the best part is, my friend? The very best part about finally being introduced to the Weasley family?
They're not the Dursleys.
And maybe this is just Rowling's way of showing us how a family should be. The Weasleys are tough when they need to be, but always loving, caring, and accepting, even when dealing with someone who's not quite like them...Harry Potter included. They aren't rich. They aren't full of material possessions. But they have what counts.
Oh, you'll learn to love the Weasley's, my dear. They are such wonderful people. They are fun, they are silly, and they represent love. And it's a beautiful thing.
Did you get your Weasley party hat? It's not that special, I guess. It's just a plain party hat. But I put tufts of orange yarn on top so we can all pretend to be part of the Weasley family! And maybe one day we'll get to have Ron show us around his room for the first time and...
Wait, you don't know about that either? Good heavens, it's the best part of this section of the story! See, Harry had been stuck under the stairs for so long, and then barred up in a pitiful prison in the Dursley's house, so he'd never known what it was like to have his own room, a place to call home. And Ron decides to show Harry his room that first day he came over, and it is truly magical. Ron, always the modest friend, worries that Harry won't like his room.
But Harry, ever the appreciative person, knows how special this is. And he tells Ron that the Weasley house is the very best house ever. And it is! We are here to celebrate the Weasleys!
I think it's time for us to begin the celebration. Are you ready, my friends? Get your GIFS and your BLINGEES and your PICSPAMS ready! Let us have the very best Weasley party ever!