The Ridiculous Heights Of Caillou And Your Other Favorite Characters
After the long grind at the cartoon creation mill, sometimes animators forget average age and height sizes because they haven’t seen people in so long. These surprising character heights will make you wonder if it was a Wikipedia fan page shrugging and making up an arbitrary guess or an animator envisioning a world of giants.
Just for a baseline, the average U.S. male is 5’9″ while the average female is 5’4″. Okay got that? Now, let’s go look at some characters that completely ignored those facts and grew as much as they wanted.
Wreck-It Ralph Is 9 Feet Of Fun
He’s 9 feet tall and hangs out with Vanellope, who’s a normal kid-size at 3’11”. No wonder she rides on his shoulders all the time! It would be impossible to walk beside him out of fear of getting crushed under one of those massive shoeless feet.
The other terrifying thing is that Calhoun is 7’9″. She’s a cool lady and her height makes her even cooler, but this should get you wondering about the Wreck-It Ralph video game universe. People get so big here, do you think that video games are antigravity or their designers don’t love realistic heights?
Colossus Is 7’5″ And That’s Not Fine
Colussus would be one of the world’s tallest people with this ridiculous height. Seriously, 7’5″? Is he fighting elephants? He better not be since ivory poaching is a huge problem and he would only be adding to the issue.
His basketball matchup? Chuck Nevitt, who also stands at 7’5″. These two would make great practice buddies since they tower over everyone they play against. Seriously Colossus, you could have a great career ahead of you. More stability than crime fighting as well.
Jimmy Neutron Is 4’8″ Of Brain
You might be thinking that 4’8″ isn’t that ridiculous, and you’re right, it’s not. However, if Jimmy is 4’8″ and half of his body is his genius brain, then his head alone is 2’4″ long. That’s like two heads stacked on top of a 10-year-old’s body.
Oversized heads in cartoons are no new thing, but Jimmy’s takes the cake for the most ridiculous in comparison to the rest of his body. For all the inventions this kid cooks up the most useful one for him could be a neck brace.
5’3″ Wolverine Is The 2nd Shortest X-Men
Good old Logan really proves small is mighty because he stands at a surprising 5’3″. His height puts him barely ahead of the 5’1″ X-23. This guy can take multiple bullets and Sabretooth claws to the gut but he’s going to be ID’d at the bars for the rest of his life. Where’s the justice in the world?
For the next Logan movie they should do a throwback to before Wolverine ever got the adamantium skeleton to his middle-school days when he was a bench warmer for the basketball team.
6’4″ Starfire Could Reach Every Top Shelf
Aliens really are just better than all of us. Starfire may only be a teen but she really is a titan. Standing at 6’4″, our orange alien girl is the tallest of her superhero Teen Titans pals. She can look down at us puny humans and marvel at our silly Earthling antics.
Whether it’s by being tall, fighting crime and philosophizing, or grabbing the snacks from on top of the fridge, Starfire definitely spreads perspective wherever she goes.
The Little Mermaid Is 5’4″ And That’s Surprisingly Average
With a nickname beginning with ‘the little’ you’d think that Ariel would be predisposed to, well, littleness. Instead of a shockingly small height, Ariel boasts the most common height for American females – 5’4″. Ariel really is out here trying to fit in with us land lubbers and she’s starting with her height.
For whatever reason, the Disney designers made her this way and never looked back. A more apt namesake would be the ‘average-height’ mermaid, or the ‘meets-the-minimum-height-requirements-for-most-rollercoasters’ mermaid. Just saying.
6’6″ Iron Man Needs A Custom Tailor For The Suit
Besides the massive beast that is the 8’5″ Hulk, Iron Man takes the cake as the tallest Avenger. But rather than a victory, this height would probably be a pain for our favorite wise-cracking superhero.
Tony Stark made his suit out of a nickel-titanium alloy called nitinol which runs for a whopping $11 a pound. With a suit estimated to weigh 85 pounds that covers that 6’6″ body, Tony would be paying $935 for the metal casing alone. Do you think he wears the mask so you can’t see him cry when he pulls out his checkbook for a scratch?
Caillou Is 7’2″ And Ready To Dunk On You
Yeah, I’m scared too. This fact is just not okay. I don’t know what was going through the Canadian animator’s minds at Teletoon when they decided to make our least favorite bald-headed 4-year-old taller than Shaq, but whatever it was, it was definitely nightmare fuel.
After a tweet by @NatalieZiesmer went viral, Twitter user @commitments was quick to point out that if Caillou is 7’2″ then his dad must be 12’2″. It’s a wonder this show was about growing up and throwing tantrums instead of a family of absolute monsters on the basketball court.
8’7″ Bowser Towers Over Mario By An Entire Person
Our favorite plumber really is doing the most to save the girl he loves. For real, Peach should definitely be grateful to Mario for doing what he’s doing for you, because he’s facing the beast that is Bowser time and time again.
Mario stands at a measly 3’8″ while Bowser towers over him at 8’7″. How is that even fair Nintendo? Thankfully, our hero has the help of his 4’1″ brother Luigi because if they stand on each other’s shoulders they can almost look Bowser in the eye when they fight. Let’s go!
Kirby Is Half A Bowling Pin Tall
Kirby is 8 inches tall. That’s it. That’s as tall as a pencil. Kirby faces terrifying and horrible enemies like Waddle Dee, Waddle Doo, and Scarfy on the daily while only being the size of an HB number 2. What have you done today?
This adorable round pink boy also competed in Super Smash Bros Ultimate while being less than a foot tall. It’s amazing that Kirby can play against the 6’3″ Samus Aran no problem in these games. Kirby, you’re an inspiration to all of us. Now where are you, I can’t see you?
The Thing Is A Normal Sized Guy?
No, I’m not kidding. Nothing to see here. The Thing is 6 feet flat. Forget the Hulk principle that a person transforms into an absolute towering monstrosity when they get a power that changes their appearance. The Thing said no thanks to raising his home door frame heights when he’s in full Thing mode.
There’s something great about a normal sized hero with an awesome and tough exterior. It’s a breath of fresh air among the monsters that are in the Marvel Universe. *Cough* Colossus *cough*.
Doctor Doom Is 6’7″ And I’m Confused
The Thing may be average-sized, but his design isn’t common among his Fantastic Four peers. Doctor Doom stands at a massive 6’7″ for no apparent reason. Sure, designers probably thought it would make him more intimidating, but with a name like “Doctor Doom” how much more ominous can he possibly get?
The guy was born in the European countryside and went to school with Reed Richards for goodness sake. He’s normal aside from the whole doom and magic and taking over the world things, so why did they need to make him 6’7″ on top of that?
Street Fighter’s 7’5″ Sagat Doesn’t Mess Around
Whoever designed this guy was clearly thinking about a person’s worst fear when choosing who they want to face in a street fight. A 7’5″ shirtless Muay Thai master with white eyes and a pet tiger is completely un-mess-with-able. Clearly, he’s the most fearsome opponent and exotic pet owner in PetSmart.
An interesting part of Sagat’s Wikipedia page is that his species is defined as ‘human.’ It’s good that the Wikipedia creators specify this because facing a monster like this in the ring would leave you questioning how that can be possible.
Titans Are 3-15 Meters Tall And That’s Small
Fans of Attack on Titan know how devastating and what a big deal facing those titans can be. When Eren and Mikasa go head-to-head against these big guys, we all got scared when they get close to those man-eating mouths.
Though, the biggest shock of the show is the heights of the Titans. While the Colossal Titan is an insane 60 meters tall, most titans range from 3-15 meters. The most common type of Titan is of the 10-meter variety, which is about 32 feet, or two giraffes. Or two Colossuses. Kinda small for causing near human-extinction.
5’7″ Charizard Says No, You Get Back In The Poke Ball
Though it’s not a totally outrageous height and Ash will soon surpass Charizard, this average adult sized Pokémon raises questions about who should be telling who where to go and what do do.
Ash is 10 years old throughout the Pokémon series and bosses the Pokémon around throughout their many evolutions by telling them who to fight, where to go, and transporting them back into a Pokéball when he no longer has any use for them. Be careful Ash, because Charizard is looking a little less like a cute baby dragon these days.
3’3″ Sonic Is The Size Of 10 Hedgehogs
Even though he’s not technically supposed to be a rendition of a real-life hedgehog, Sonic ‘The Hedgehog’ is his name so the comparison isn’t totally unwarranted. Hedgehogs are roughly 10 centimeters long, so if one were to line 10 of them up, they’d have the height of Sonic.
Sonic also participates in Super Smash Bros with Mario and Kirby where he also has the pleasure of fighting the 6’3″ Samus Aran, which is totally a fair fight. Conspiracy theory: maybe Sonic is just a stack of hedgehogs in a blue trench coat trying to win some money at a tournament.
Megaman Isn’t So Mega At 4’4″
This is another one of those beloved classic characters whose height you have no conception of until they’re translated into the smooth 3-D graphics of the 21st-century. 8 pixels in a 2-D platformer apparently translates to 4’4″ in real life. I think we’re all equally as confused.
If they’re going to make him the size of a 12-year-old they should at least call him ‘MegaBoy’ – that way his monicker sounds closer to his design inspiration AstroBoy. Or maybe ‘ModerateMan.’
Who Cares About His Height, SpongeBob Likes…
We’ve seen all kinds of ambivalent and otherworldly choices for heights of characters on this list, but this one takes the cake for the weirdest decision. I present to you the most horrifying fact on this list. Spongebob likes beige. Beige.
Nothing against beige – it’s a perfectly fine neutral, but for Spongebob? The very same character that thought crickets speak Italian? He’s the zaniest character on this list, and that does include the pink floating Kirby thing with the power of breathing, likes the ‘please everyone’ O-blood type of colors? Spongebob, you’re truly full of surprises.
Vegeta Is 5’5″ But Might As Well Be 3’1″ For A Saiyan
Listen, there’s nothing wrong with being 5’5″, but when you’re the Prince of All Saiyans and constantly fighting hulking monsters like Goku and the Androids, people are going to draw character height comparisons. Vegeta is tiny compared to his peers.
But no worries, there are plenty of 5’5″ people who have done great things. For example, Lil Wayne, Billy Joel, and James Brown are all awesome and 5’5″. Maybe the reason why Vegeta changed to a hero arc was because he got comfortable with his height and pictured himself among the 5’5″ greats. Cheers to self-acceptance.
I Don’t Know How Tall PacMan Is But What If He Was 6’7″
Just imagine it: you’re walking down the street, minding your own business, when suddenly a big 6’7″ ball of yellow rounds the corner. You would have no idea what to do. You would think it’s the sun hurtling towards you. You would call your family thinking the apocalypse is upon you.
Turns out it’s just Mr. PacMan doing his dailies and picking up milk from the grocery store. With all the monstrosities on this list, the biggest and most mysterious question is Pac’s height. If he ever gets drafted to Smash Bros we’ll finally know.