This Is Why I Walked Out On A First Date
So last time I checked in with you guys about my annoying dating life, I told you about the guy I broke up with because he was taking for granted all the awesome I had to offer, and treated me like a disposable dirty diaper. Well, one thing I didn’t mention was five days after that happened, I met a seemingly awesome guy at a memorial service. Yeah, that sounds kind of morbid and maybe slightly inappropriate, but the universe is weird sometimes and meeting someone magical usually happens at the most unexpected time.
The memorial service was for a wonderful girl who was taken from the Earth far too soon, so it was no surprise that the party in her honor was packed with people from all walks of life, and all different ages were in attendance. Upon walking in, one of the first people I noticed was a guy with a big beard and sunglasses. Cute, but not exactly my type. Soon, I was swept up in the gorgeous view, conversation, and remembering the friend who was no longer with us.
Once the party wound down, I ended up at a small gathering at our departed friend’s best friend’s apt. This bearded guy was there, and about 30 minutes into the party we ended up next to each other at a table where he introduced himself and we began chatting. Turns out this guy was pretty cool…and funny…and charismatic…and confident. All qualities I love in a person, annnd he was actually very cute, which was an added bonus. As the rest of the evening progressed, we kept talking and ended up sharing an uber at the end of the night to his place, where we hung out for a few more hours until it was time to say good-bye with plans to hang soon.
To be fair, he put it out there right away that he was kind-of seeing a girl he met in Paris and she was going to be out for a visit. Well because there was no investment between him and I, I shrugged it off and was like, “Cool.” A couple weeks passed, and due to our traveling schedules, we had to wait almost 3 weeks until we could get together for a date. Between that time, we were texting, FaceTiming, talking on the phone and sending videos. I was beginning to crush hard on this new found babe and had those, “Wow maybe this not-my-type-guy IS my type!” The Parisian girl was the furthest thing from my mind.
So when it came time for our first date, I asked if it would be ok to just have a chill night at his place with some wine and food. He was down and I felt it was the perfect opportunity to be in a low pressure environment to have some great conversation, uninterrupted by servers, people, and the general noise of being out in public.
The day of our date finally arrived and I was excited! I could tell he was too. We texted all day leading up to it and had a plan in place. At 8pm that night I was at his door and he was even cuter than I remembered.
It started off great. We were chatting, deciding what to eat and drink, and soon he ran off to the corner for a bottle of wine. Chinese was on the way. Soon, we had wine in our glasses, a candle lit on the table, and hot delicious food on our plates. I kept thinking, “OMG this is PERFECT.” All kinds of topics were covered, including some brief dating history, where I was pretty open and told him about the disappointment I had dealt with in the past with guys who hadn’t worked out. The conversation then turned to him telling me about a week long work trip he had planned for LA.
“That sounds cool. I’ll be heading out there the day you come back to New York.” I said.
“Yeah. We’re like ships passing in the night,” he replied.
It was then that he ruined everything by following up with:
“Well you know I’m pretty transparent, and you know that girl from Paris I told you about?”
“Oh yeah,” I said, feeling a little annoyed.
“Well she found a cheap plane ticket and is flying out to LA to meet me while I’m there.”
Cue my stomach drop. I tried to play it off like I was totally cool with it and didn’t care, but as the minutes ticked by and dinner was finished, I couldn’t help but start to feel really shitty. Wasn’t this MY date time? Didn’t I come to his place for us to get to know each other? Wasn’t this my chance to make an impression and see how I felt about him? Where in any world is it OK for a guy to tell me about his future datey plans with another girl he’s seeing?!?! It wasn’t even about him dating other people. It was about respecting my time, my feelings, OUR date.
I felt like yet again I was not the priority, I was not given a chance, that his mind was already on the LA trip with this other girl and I was just filling time. I felt the tears of frustration, hurt, and anger building behind my eyes so I excused myself and went to the bathroom. I stood looking out the tiny window feeling defeated and massively disappointed. I wanted to rewind to five minutes before when I was still feeling excited and happy and didn’t want to be anywhere but across the table from him. UGH. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do, but I couldn’t stay in there forever, so I flushed the toilet for effect, washed my hands and walked back out to the table. We both picked up our wine glasses and I followed him to the living room, but there was no hiding what was going on inside.
He saw my face and immediately asked, “What’s wrong? You look pensive.”
I didn’t even hesitate or pretend I was ok.
“Well can I be totally transparent with you?”
“Yeah of course.”
“I wish you hadn’t been so transparent with me,” I said. My voice was now shaking as I continued, “This is our first time really hanging out and I don’t know why you felt the need to tell me about your plans with this other girl. I’m really tired of guys making me feel like I’m not a priority and it sucks that it feels like no matter who I date there’s always going to be another girl who is the better option. I really don’t think I can have a good time with this in the back of my mind now, so I think it’s best if I just go home. Thank you for dinner.”
“Ok I understand.” was his response.
Cue fucking eye roll.
I put on my jacket, grabbed my bag, and left.
Once outside I called a close friend and a few tears fell as I told her about the disappointing first date I cut short. She was super sympathetic and assured me that I did the right thing by taking care of my feelings first. I arrived home 30 minutes later, took a scalding hot shower to try and wash the ickiness of it all off me, and went to bed.
I woke the next morning and there was nothing from him. I thought he would have texted, at the very least, to make sure I had gotten home ok. Maybe even express an, “I’m sorry,” but it’s been radio silence. A sure sign that he wasn’t the right guy for me.
I don’t think at heart he’s a bad guy. He’s just pretty tactless and insensitive to a woman’s feelings. I’ve checked in with a few girlfriends, my mom, and my brother. All of them said I did the right thing and treated myself with the utmost self-respect.
Of course it’s always a little scary to stand up for yourself and protect your heart, but I have zero regrets for ending the date early. The sting, disappointment, and frustration will fade, but it’s definitely time for a dating diet. It’s time for a reset, a cleanse and reboot to get me back on my feet and on towards a brighter future with hopefully better men who will treat me the way I deserve.
For any of you who find yourself in the position I was in, do yourself a favor and take a minute to decide what’s worth more, your self-respect, or attention from a guy who doesn’t find your feelings all that important.