My little sister, my little brother: What is the love?

I.                   What is the love? 

My little sister, my little brother what is the love? Is it a shrine for us or just a bad game? Maybe it’s reaching the shore after long travel from unknown places. Who knows? We are looking for love but it’s not easy composition of our emotions. Every single sound, every note bring a lot feelings. Only truth is intrepid. From years media want to sell us wrong image of love. Please don’t believe in these nonsense, just follow voice of your innocent heart.

I believe in love but I never expected her. I was learn that I don’t deserve for her. With time I forgot what she meant to me. It was like a mentally suicide. People built around me many walls. I couldn’t breathe. I wasn’t able to dreaming. I created inner world in this cage. My own forbidden land. This place alleviate never ending pain. I lived in unhealthy masquerade. My space was bombproof, before humans. I was the only girl who knew animated words and took down thoughts. Although I was nobody for world, I was somebody for myself. 

I read many books. And love intrigued me. I swore to signified her on my skin. I observed everyone to make love map. I promised myself staying single forever. Boys asked me about dates but I resigned from their proposals. When you hate yourself, you aren’t ready to love someone. It was my choice and I accepted it. Recovery is a long way, sometimes the best option is the hardest. But being safe and happy  is worth of it.

I found new type of love. And I preferred  live in this way than hurt somebody. Often I was  going to forest and I adored everything what I was  able to see there. These images are always in my head. People can ruin your life but they will not take your memories. I celebrated these invisible overture of existence.

You are a miracle. You was born to be loved. Even if you don’t love yourself, there always is someone who does it. When you don’t accept yourself, when you think that you don’t fit to this world, when you want to die love is always ready to save you. The hardest step is find key to own heart and with the time building new reality.

I’m adult  writing this life story in past time for you. But I feel it all the time. One day I believe that I’m so close to be on the top my own ideas and happiness but the next are the biggest surprise. I don’t know what will happen tomorrow but I know that I have to fight as you. 

You are my inspiration. I believe that we will together through by it. I giving you my helpful hand. Enemies can strike down us but we will rise as phoenix from the ashes. We will not alone. Love will illuminate our path.