The Dark Side Of Life

My life is changing so fast. I can’t believe that always I have bad luck. I’m looking for a new job for more than two weeks and this Wedneday,I have an appointment at the employment office. The next worst birthday in my life. I’m so stressed about this appointment. I know that I don’t have any chance for support so this creepy world scares me and it drives me to crazy. 

I’m glad that I didn’t let myself for any pleasure because now it would be more difficult. I don’t know what future will bring but I don’t believe that something good. I don’t know who I am because I living in never ending pain. I want to be happy but I’m fragile. But sometimes I have good ideas as saving my whole life. True is that I hate money, world without money. I have to be more careful now, I must to think about it what I should to eat or maybe eat more and more eat. My underweight hates it because it makes me so sad. But so good that I have my own vegetables from garden in the cellar as beets, parsley, parniships, carrot, cabbage, pumpkin, celery, potatoes and in jars wonderful cucumbers, beans, peas and fruit juices. I love to care about vegetables. During autumn I brought from meadows amazing the nuts. Right now I’m stressed when I think about it, the first time :/ Because in April I’ll have to buy seeds but right now I don’t have job. I hope that to this time I’ll find new. This is my the only goal. 

I made decision that I’ll save more and more, so I gave myself limit  £1,5/$3/€2 per week for me and my cat. It stressing me because again I have some fear to food. Yeah, I’m  scared to buy roll because I have to save, save, save and take care about my lovely cat. 

I don’t let myself for any pleasures, I use outdated cosmetics, my eye shadows are about to 2013,early 2014. When I was in high school I used mascara and I loved her, the only in my life. I don’t use mascara from 2009. My nailpolish are to 2008-2013 but still wonderful. But I don’t care about it. Just for you maybe it’s funny that I’m blogger and I use old things but for me more important is the closests people and my cat. I have to be careful and thinking about future. 

And I miss to the contact with people, I feel ignored and sad. The next problems. But although is hard and I’m sad by it, I know that I have to fight. A lot of people have worse than I am and I appreciate everything what I have.  I hope that in future I’ll can help these people, right now I can share with them my love but for a few years I want to open foundation. 

And tomorrow I’ll post the first part of “My little sister, my little brother”, I worked for this story a few months, ok one year 😛  I don’t know if even @callinamarie remember when I talked to her about it but I feel so bad that I didn;t post it before. Can’t wait for tomorrow. 

I love you <3 

 

Tags: diary, photos