And How Am I Supposed To Live?

  Life hurts. People hurt too. Maybe I’m naive but but I believe in every person. I want to trust you but I know that I have to be careful. I want to see the good in people. Each of us is good, although sometimes we have bad days. I hate when someone attacks me. It hurts. Do you know about it? I can’t believe why people want to be an illusion. I want to open my eyes and forgot about the pain. I met a lot of people, they taught me more than I wanted. I was innocent, but now I’m broken. 

 


Inside of me is so much emotions. I’m the same as you. I’m equal to everyone in the world. I don’t judge you, but why do you do it? I can’t categorized you. You are FREE! Not #fat #stupid #whore #theworse how you categorized me. I’m almost 25 but I know this life. 




  Do you know what feels unwanted young soul? I know…….
Do you know what feels starved young girl? I know………..
Do you know what feels harmed herself young girl? I know…….
Do you know what feels bullied young soul? I know………
Do you know what feels victim of violence? I know……..
So please, let me stay alive without this sick game…….. 


I can’t believe in myself. I can’t. I don’t know why. I want to be myself but I know that this is bad. You, my wonderful friend and reader knows me. But people around me… unfortunately not. 



  I feel bad when I hear arguments. I HATE, HATE, HATE myself. It’s not my fault but I think that it is my fault. So crazy. I can’t accept this freak situations. And how am I supposed to live? This all makes me so blind and confused. I want to be somebody, but  fear kills this desire. I have scars on my body and heart. They don’t bleed for a long time. I have to stay a fighter. 



Anorexia is not a choice! Anorexia is not a fashion! But underweight is bad too. My weight is sick. I accept her. I love her. I hate her. I don’t know what I have to feel about her. When I have a lot of problems she is a murder. During this time I’m like a zombie. I feel bad when I eat too much. But what “too much” mean to me? I feel huge guilt when I eat. I hate myself. Sometimes I want to cry but maybe everything is bad because I don’t deserve to discovered happiness. 


My dreams aren’t real. I don’t believe to realize them. I don’t believe….


Images: A Recovered Life