Incite My Riots Chapter 6

“No, no, no Hayles. This isn’t your fault, it never was.” He repeated.

I shook my head, “Josh, she’s dead. She’s gone and I can’t get her back.”

“Hayley, Liz Collins killed herself. You were not there, and you know why? You were living your life and she was living hers. You two still kept in touch, right? After Warped began?”

I nodded my head, not able to choke out any words.

“You want to know whose fault it is? The ones who caused her to feel so much pain. You did everything you possibly could. You were there for her, okay? Don’t you dare blame yourself.” he instructed.

“But it hurts so much!” I told him, letting my body go limp, finally collapsing in his arms.

“Sh,” Josh told me as he stroked my head.

So we sat in silence.

I kept bawling and ignoring everything he said.

I’m sorry Josh.

I didn’t dare tell him that.

I managed to finally get my sobs to become silent tears.

“So how are you doing?” Josh asked me.

I wiped the dry tears off my face, “I’d say I’m okay, but we both know that isn’t true.”

He let out a forced laugh.

“I’m just really tired.” I admitted, letting out a yawn.

“Yeah, we should get back to the bus.” Josh said.

I didn’t say anything else for the night.

I walked to my bed and let sleep overcome.

But I didn’t want to go to sleep.

You know they say the hardest part of waking up is remembering what you were trying to forget last night.

Tomorrow is a new day.

Maybe I’ll forget her.

Maybe I don’t want to.

I’m torn.

It’s hard to forget someone who gave you so much to remember.

But at the same time, I don’t want to forget her.

I don’t want to forget her smile, her eyes, her laugh, her voice, her everything.

The only thing I have to do is the one thing I’m not capable of.

Moving on.