December 19th: Ohio is for Lovers
Ohio. Home. Where my heart is. Also the title of my favorite and only song I know by Hawthorne Heights…
Where I learned to love. I learned to love people, myself, dance, things, places, feelings, memories, life, everything.
I am back home now, sitting on my couch after being here a couple days, and I have realized SO much. Things have started making sense in a weird way, clearer almost. Being home makes me slow down, put things into perspective and find whom Dani Vitale is. I am going to be writing every night on my BUZZNET profile kind of like a journal for being home.
The past month has been a massive transition in my life. Things have been placed in and taken out of my life in an abrupt way. I have been writing a lot, pouring from my heart, but I thought it would be too much. So now, that I have some of those holes filled up (kind of) I am able to write without snot dripping onto my keyboard.
I fear being alone. I fear it so much where at times I let it control my happiness. I was so scared of that for a while, and now being “alone” doesn’t feel like alone anymore. I feel almost less alone which is so crazy. Last year I was here during a family transition year and I brought the person closest to me. This year as I come home alone I start to realize and see more things I need to work on as a human.
I think I’ll just mention the elephant in the room. I went through a break up. Yes, gasp, sigh, awe. Breakups. That word makes me want to bash my head into the coffee table my warm little feet are on. I have never felt so many emotions and had so many thoughts run through my brain in my life to date. I have had to learn to wake up and live a day for ME. What makes Dani happy? What does Dani want to conquer today? “Selfish” questions that have felt so unnecessary that now I honestly couldn’t live without in the future. We tend to forget about ourselves. My biggest fault is seeking happiness through other’s smiles. I have heard that is so awesome! But like everyone says, everything in MODERATION. I can’t even think of opening my heart back up. Maybe to look inside and say hi, you’ll be okay, but other than that it’s rough loving. Love is hard. I have been sharing this time with a handful of lady friends going through breakups lately and it’s all the same. Staying strong and independent, surrounding yourself with people that love you unconditionally and learning to love yourself is the best medicine.
So this is the opening blog rant on Love, my little life and being home in Ohio. Tonight I went and taught at my home studio, which is always so rewarding. Reminds me how special I really am when at times I think I am nothing. I have been hanging out with my brother, got his hair cut and eating home made food by my beautiful mother. The start of the week has been great. Again, Facetime, is a wonderful thing J
This quote touched my heart this past month:
“I know that you have lost someone and it hurts. You may have lost them suddenly, unexpectedly. Or perhaps you began losing pieces of them one day until there was nothing left. You may have known them all your life or you may have barely known them at all. Either way, it is irrelevant—you cannot control the depth of a wound that another soul inflicts upon you. So right now I am NOT sitting here telling you tomorrow is another day. That the sun will go shining. Or there are plenty of fish in the sea. What I am saying is this;
It’s okay to be hurting as much as you are. What you are feeling is not only completely valid but also necessary—because it makes you so much more human. And though I can’t promise it will get better any time soon, I can tell you that it will – eventually. For now, all you can do is take your time. Take all the time you need. At the end of that day, it’s you and your own happiness. No one can find and supply that for YOU.”