Dear Paris Hilton, What The Actual Fuck?

Paris Hilton has returned to pop music with a new song, “Drunk Text.” Kind of. This might just be her dipping her toe into the world of spoken word performance, because there is no actual singing involved. I have never been more embarrassed for any human being in my entire life as when I watched this video.

Watch the video on Jezebel. Go ahead. I’ll be right here while your entire being cringes.


OK, now the questions.

-Are you f*cking with us?

-What is a run on question? 

-Are you high?

-Who’s responsible for this atrocity?

-You really think you’re poetic, don’t you?

-Why is everyone in this video dressed like it’s 1999?

-Did you really use the word “twittersphere”?

-Did you really just do WORD MATH for me?

-Does anyone ever say NO to you?

And now GIFS that accurately express how I’m feeling: