Mark Reads ‘Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix’: Chapter 35
In the thirty-fifth chapter of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, we reach the first point in the book where we (by “we,” I mean “me”) doesn’t want to read any further. Intrigued? Then it’s time for Mark to read Harry Potter.
CHAPTER 35: BEYOND THE VEIL
This is not a typical AIM review, so please keep reading past the end of the conversation.
10:07:24 AM Chrstofthemoment: ok
10:07:25 AM Chrstofthemoment: reading
10:07:26 AM Chrstofthemoment: now
10:07:39 AM Chrstofthemoment: …………………………………………………..
10:07:41 AM Chrstofthemoment: kasper
10:07:43 AM Chrstofthemoment: lucius
10:07:43 AM browncorduroy: yeah
10:07:44 AM browncorduroy: yeah
10:07:46 AM browncorduroy: lucius
10:07:48 AM Chrstofthemoment: oh my god death eaters
10:07:51 AM Chrstofthemoment: oh my god my head
10:07:55 AM browncorduroy: oh god i know right
10:07:58 AM browncorduroy: oh god whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
10:08:08 AM browncorduroy: whyyyyy is this book the most tragic thing of all time whhhyyyyyy
10:08:28 AM Chrstofthemoment: what the fuck
10:08:30 AM Chrstofthemoment: what the fuck is this
10:08:35 AM Chrstofthemoment: they can read his thoughts
10:08:36 AM Chrstofthemoment: OH
10:08:38 AM Chrstofthemoment: OH MY GOD
10:08:39 AM Chrstofthemoment: OCCLUMENCY
10:08:42 AM Chrstofthemoment: OH HOLY SHIT
10:08:45 AM browncorduroy: omg bellatrix why are you so evil
10:08:45 AM Chrstofthemoment: ALKSDJF;LAKJFD;LKASJDF;LKASJDF;LAJSDF;LKASJDF;LKSDJF;LKJSD;FASKFJSD
10:08:45 AM browncorduroy: YEAH
10:08:47 AM Chrstofthemoment: ASKDFJS;DLKFJA;SDLKFJ;LAKSJF;ALKSDHFAS;DHFAL;
10:08:49 AM browncorduroy: kjaHFJIOEWLKSHDFAS
10:10:04 AM Chrstofthemoment: OH MY GOD
10:10:05 AM Chrstofthemoment: HARRY
10:10:09 AM Chrstofthemoment: IS TROLLING BELLATRIX
10:10:13 AM Chrstofthemoment: oh my fucking good
10:10:14 AM browncorduroy: YEAH
10:10:15 AM browncorduroy: YEAH
10:10:41 AM Chrstofthemoment: oh my god
10:10:46 AM browncorduroy: HAHA “LOL JSYK YOUR DUMB DARK LORD IS TOTES HALF BLOOD FYI”
10:10:59 AM browncorduroy: i love that scene so much
10:11:36 AM Chrstofthemoment: what the fuck is happening kasper
10:11:42 AM Chrstofthemoment: why are there spirits in the orbs
10:11:50 AM Chrstofthemoment: and harry’s scar has to do with this room???
10:11:50 AM browncorduroy: prophecies
10:12:10 AM browncorduroy: IT’S ALL JUST FUCKED UP
10:12:27 AM Chrstofthemoment: wait what the fuck
10:12:39 AM Chrstofthemoment: i thought we knew why Voldemort tried to kill Harry?
10:12:42 AM Chrstofthemoment: what the fuck is this
10:12:45 AM Chrstofthemoment: what the fuck is going on
10:12:59 AM browncorduroy: this is some serious fucked up magical shit
10:13:03 AM browncorduroy: that’s what’s going on
10:13:56 AM Chrstofthemoment: OH MY GOD!!!!
10:13:58 AM Chrstofthemoment: REDUCTO!!!!
10:14:00 AM Chrstofthemoment: HOLY SHIT!
10:14:03 AM Chrstofthemoment: THEY ARE RUNNING
10:14:07 AM Chrstofthemoment: HARRY JUST GOT PUNCHED IN THE FACE?
10:14:19 AM browncorduroy: YEAH
10:14:29 AM browncorduroy: YEAH THIS WHOLE CHAPTER IS INSANE
10:14:32 AM browncorduroy: WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING
10:14:51 AM Chrstofthemoment: wht thasdklfjsa
10:14:52 AM Chrstofthemoment: ahtjasdfsdf
10:15:41 AM Chrstofthemoment: OH MY FUCKING GOD
10:15:46 AM Chrstofthemoment: THEY ALMOST KILLED HERMIONE
10:15:51 AM Chrstofthemoment: OH MY GOD NEVILLE~!!@13@#1@#!@#
10:15:51 AM browncorduroy: YEAH
10:16:44 AM browncorduroy: THE BELL JAR (LOL SYLVIA PLATH)
10:16:54 AM Chrstofthemoment: WHAT
10:16:55 AM Chrstofthemoment: THE
10:16:56 AM Chrstofthemoment: FUCK
10:16:59 AM Chrstofthemoment: WHAT THE FUCK
10:17:28 AM Chrstofthemoment: “You can’t hurt a baby!”
10:17:33 AM browncorduroy: hjaskdhawjdhqwkjadhgasgdas
10:17:34 AM Chrstofthemoment: OH MY GOD HERMIONE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH
10:17:41 AM browncorduroy: I KNOW SHE IS THE BEST
10:18:16 AM Chrstofthemoment: OH NO
10:18:17 AM Chrstofthemoment: OH NO
10:18:18 AM Chrstofthemoment: HERMIONE
10:18:20 AM Chrstofthemoment: OH MY GOD
10:18:21 AM Chrstofthemoment: OH MY GOD
10:18:45 AM Chrstofthemoment: OH MY GOD NEVILLE’S WAND
10:18:47 AM Chrstofthemoment: 🙁
10:19:04 AM browncorduroy: SDJKFHSA
10:19:05 AM browncorduroy: I KNOW
10:19:11 AM browncorduroy: ENDLESS FUCKING TRAGEDY ON EVERY LEVEL WHY
10:20:13 AM Chrstofthemoment: this is insane
10:22:22 AM Chrstofthemoment: h adsflasdf;lkjadkls;f
10:22:25 AM Chrstofthemoment: oh my god ron
10:22:28 AM Chrstofthemoment: WE SAW URANUS
10:22:31 AM browncorduroy: dsajkfhjsakdhaas
10:22:33 AM Chrstofthemoment: oh god bless his heart
10:22:34 AM browncorduroy: HE IS THE BEST
10:24:57 AM Chrstofthemoment: OH MY GOD
10:25:00 AM Chrstofthemoment: WHAT IS RON DOING!!!!
10:25:02 AM Chrstofthemoment: WHAT THE FUC
10:25:04 AM Chrstofthemoment: SAJDKFLJD;LJKASDF
10:25:15 AM browncorduroy: HE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT HE’S DOING
10:25:18 AM browncorduroy: SDFJIEWHFSAHD SEOPIFWELØAHDÅQWPOEIFLSDHDSKJFHDS
10:25:47 AM Chrstofthemoment: OH MY GOD
10:25:49 AM Chrstofthemoment: GINNY
10:25:51 AM Chrstofthemoment: 🙁
10:26:23 AM browncorduroy: ;(
10:26:27 AM browncorduroy: sdjlfhjesfhjsdhfsdjfhdsjdshfjdskhjdksfhew
10:27:10 AM Chrstofthemoment: OH GOD
10:27:12 AM Chrstofthemoment: THIS IS FUCKED UP
10:27:23 AM Chrstofthemoment: he is falling into the pit with the veil
10:27:26 AM Chrstofthemoment: this is horrible
10:27:32 AM Chrstofthemoment: where are the Death Eaters coming from
10:27:33 AM Chrstofthemoment: oh my god
10:27:41 AM browncorduroy: sdjfhsa yeah
10:27:42 AM browncorduroy: yeah
10:27:43 AM browncorduroy: eyharhesfi
10:28:19 AM Chrstofthemoment: oh my god
10:28:21 AM Chrstofthemoment: neville
10:28:23 AM Chrstofthemoment: i’m going to cry
10:28:27 AM Chrstofthemoment: they are torturing him
10:28:31 AM Chrstofthemoment: this is the worst thing ever
10:28:39 AM Chrstofthemoment: because even if Harry finds a way out of this
10:28:42 AM Chrstofthemoment: all his friends are hurt
10:28:42 AM browncorduroy: yeah
10:28:44 AM Chrstofthemoment: all of them
10:28:44 AM browncorduroy: yeah
10:28:46 AM browncorduroy: ;(;(;(
10:28:47 AM Chrstofthemoment: this is the worst thing ever
10:28:51 AM browncorduroy: worst thing of all time
10:28:54 AM browncorduroy: just
10:29:11 AM browncorduroy: forever
10:29:51 AM Chrstofthemoment: oh my god
10:29:55 AM Chrstofthemoment: Moody
10:30:10 AM browncorduroy: 🙁
10:31:53 AM browncorduroy: where are you up to now oh god
10:31:54 AM browncorduroy: asdfjashdfajsd
10:31:55 AM Chrstofthemoment: this is so fucked up
10:31:57 AM browncorduroy: yeah
10:32:10 AM browncorduroy: just
10:32:12 AM browncorduroy: the worst
10:32:26 AM Chrstofthemoment: oh my god
10:32:32 AM Chrstofthemoment: THE PROPHECY WAS SHATTERED
10:32:33 AM Chrstofthemoment: OH MY GOD
10:32:35 AM Chrstofthemoment: OHASDF;OJDS;FLKJSDA;LKFJA;SLKDFJA;SLDKFJ;ALSDJF;SADJF
10:32:55 AM browncorduroy: WHERE IS YOUR DARK LORD NOW
10:32:57 AM browncorduroy: aileruhqwekrhouadhs
10:33:13 AM Chrstofthemoment: sirius!!!!!
10:33:15 AM Chrstofthemoment: oh my god
10:33:24 AM Chrstofthemoment: oh my god
10:33:35 AM browncorduroy: eyah
10:33:36 AM browncorduroy: yeah
10:34:26 AM Chrstofthemoment: hjsdlllfsdkjfsdalkjfasldkfjasdlfjkasd
10:34:28 AM Chrstofthemoment: kasper
10:34:31 AM Chrstofthemoment: i have tears in my eyes
10:34:34 AM Chrstofthemoment: i’m going to die
10:34:42 AM browncorduroy: oh god
10:34:44 AM browncorduroy: did you get to the end yet
10:34:45 AM browncorduroy: oh god
10:34:46 AM browncorduroy: sdfjksdhfas
10:34:57 AM browncorduroy: if you didn’t have tears in your eyes you probably would not have a soul
10:34:57 AM browncorduroy: sdfjpwiejhsdfs
10:35:50 AM Chrstofthemoment: i just want you to know
10:35:56 AM Chrstofthemoment: i just fell on the floor and started sobbing
10:36:03 AM Chrstofthemoment: this is the worst thing of all time
10:36:05 AM Chrstofthemoment: of all time
10:36:05 AM browncorduroy: oh god
10:36:05 AM Chrstofthemoment: ever
10:36:07 AM browncorduroy: 🙁
10:36:08 AM browncorduroy: it is
10:36:09 AM Chrstofthemoment: like
10:36:11 AM Chrstofthemoment: kasper
10:36:16 AM Chrstofthemoment: i don’t want to read anymore
10:36:18 AM browncorduroy: so completely fucking devastating
10:36:19 AM browncorduroy: sdhjfhdsfhsd
10:36:23 AM Chrstofthemoment: because this is even worse than Cedric
10:36:23 AM browncorduroy: yeah i do not blame you
10:36:25 AM browncorduroy: sdfdsjfhdsf
10:36:26 AM browncorduroy: yeah
10:36:26 AM browncorduroy: yeah
10:36:28 AM browncorduroy: it is
10:36:29 AM browncorduroy: because
10:36:32 AM browncorduroy: sirius
10:36:33 AM browncorduroy: sdhfjdhsfdsfds
10:36:34 AM Chrstofthemoment: HOW COULD YOU DO THIS ROWLING
10:36:42 AM Chrstofthemoment: YOU DIDN’T EVEN LET HARRY LIVE WITH HIM DURING THE SUMMER
10:36:47 AM Chrstofthemoment: oh my god
10:36:51 AM Chrstofthemoment: the fucking tragedy kasper
10:37:04 AM Chrstofthemoment: that is the worst thing that has ever happened ever ever ever ever
10:37:13 AM Chrstofthemoment: oh my god i am still crying
10:37:25 AM browncorduroy: oh god i know
10:37:34 AM browncorduroy: the closest thing harry ever had to a parent andfkjehfewioudfhjklewilhskdfgjcvo4iulersghpw340otuhijlrsbdfknvc
10:37:36 AM Chrstofthemoment: ;(
10:37:38 AM Chrstofthemoment: YEAH
10:37:42 AM Chrstofthemoment: HIS PARENTS ARE DEAD
10:37:45 AM Chrstofthemoment: HE GETS ANOTHER ONE
10:37:49 AM Chrstofthemoment: KILLED IN FRONT OF HIM
10:37:51 AM browncorduroy: oh god do you even realise how much it pains me that i can’t hug you right now
10:38:02 AM browncorduroy: because I KNEW WHAT WAS COMING AND YOU DIDN’T AND OH GOD
10:38:03 AM browncorduroy: oh god
10:38:04 AM browncorduroy: i know
10:38:05 AM browncorduroy: sdhfjkdshfdsf
10:38:07 AM browncorduroy: whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
10:38:16 AM browncorduroy: it’s just so fucking horrible
10:38:16 AM browncorduroy: like
10:38:22 AM browncorduroy: it’s so awful
10:38:24 AM browncorduroy: the worst
10:38:32 AM Chrstofthemoment: literally the worst
10:40:23 AM Chrstofthemoment: jesus christ
10:40:25 AM Chrstofthemoment: i am destroyed
10:41:11 AM browncorduroy: yeah
10:41:12 AM browncorduroy: yeah
10:41:15 AM browncorduroy: i knew you would be
10:41:18 AM Chrstofthemoment: ugh
10:41:26 AM Chrstofthemoment: i loved Sirius so much
10:41:30 AM browncorduroy: like i legit feel awful for you right now
10:42:08 AM browncorduroy: i just want you to know
10:42:23 AM browncorduroy: that i had to IM my friend anwen just to tell her how awful i felt about the fact that you were about to read that
10:42:31 AM browncorduroy: oh god it’s like an endless chain of misery
10:42:45 AM Chrstofthemoment: 🙁
10:42:46 AM Chrstofthemoment: UGH
10:42:52 AM Chrstofthemoment: well AT LEAST I HAVE STOPPED CRYING
10:43:02 AM browncorduroy: OK THAT IS GOOD
10:43:05 AM browncorduroy: ILU FYI
10:43:28 AM Chrstofthemoment: thank you SIR
10:43:31 AM Chrstofthemoment: I APPRECIATE IT
10:44:31 AM browncorduroy: oh god how are you even going to review this
10:44:33 AM browncorduroy: asjkdshdjashd
10:44:34 AM browncorduroy: SIRIUS
10:45:31 AM Chrstofthemoment: I DON’T KNOW
10:45:37 AM Chrstofthemoment: there’s so much action
10:47:19 AM browncorduroy: i know
10:47:23 AM browncorduroy: and so much AWFULNESS
10:57:30 AM browncorduroy: 🙁
10:57:40 AM Chrstofthemoment: pretty much
10:57:51 AM Chrstofthemoment: it is a pleasant day here in Oakland and rowling has ruined it
10:58:35 AM browncorduroy: oh god i know right
10:58:42 AM browncorduroy: ps see my latest tweet TYVM
10:58:53 AM browncorduroy: PLZKTHX
11:07:35 AM browncorduroy: like honestly just from re-reading this i now just want to hide in my room forever and i had read it before
11:07:38 AM browncorduroy: several times
11:07:39 AM Chrstofthemoment: 🙁
11:07:51 AM browncorduroy: i mean i was already feeling like morrissey shat in my head
11:08:00 AM browncorduroy: so this is not helping thanks a lot jk rowling
11:08:08 AM Chrstofthemoment: HAHAHAHAHAH THAT TWEET
11:14:41 AM browncorduroy: WHHHHYYYYYYYYYY
11:14:57 AM browncorduroy: i feel like i should go re-read the first book or something
11:17:18 AM Chrstofthemoment: oh god because there is no tragedy?
11:17:21 AM Chrstofthemoment: it’s just cute!
11:17:25 AM browncorduroy: yeah!
11:19:19 AM browncorduroy: ughhhh
11:19:24 AM browncorduroy: UGHHHH
11:19:29 AM browncorduroy: is it too early to start drinking
11:20:13 AM Chrstofthemoment: probably not
11:22:10 AM browncorduroy: good
11:22:16 AM browncorduroy: because it’s alcohol or seppuku
11:27:28 AM browncorduroy: like i am so desperately unhappy that i had to update my facebook status
11:27:53 AM Chrstofthemoment: oh god
11:28:23 AM browncorduroy: and i would update my livejournal if i wasn’t planning on leaving the goddamn thing
11:28:25 AM browncorduroy: also
11:28:30 AM browncorduroy: i want to die
11:28:43 AM Chrstofthemoment: hahdsfjkhasdfjkshdflkasjhfd
11:29:09 AM Chrstofthemoment: i think i might try to go outside
11:29:16 AM Chrstofthemoment: so i don’t hurl myself off the roof of my building
11:29:16 AM browncorduroy: what is this “outside”
11:29:19 AM browncorduroy: hasjdhfasd a
11:29:21 AM browncorduroy: omg het just got home!”
11:29:23 AM browncorduroy: COMPANY
11:29:29 AM browncorduroy: also please don’t do a suicide
11:29:55 AM Chrstofthemoment: omg
11:29:56 AM Chrstofthemoment: HET
11:30:00 AM Chrstofthemoment: PLEASE HANG OUT WITH HET
11:30:05 AM Chrstofthemoment: i am going to be social with Rich
11:30:10 AM browncorduroy: omg
11:30:12 AM Chrstofthemoment: since I have been SOBBING AT MY COMPUTER FOR LIKE AN HOUR
11:30:14 AM Chrstofthemoment: A;SLKDJF;ADSJKF
11:30:18 AM browncorduroy: oh god WHAT IS RICH SAYING
11:30:19 AM browncorduroy: IS HE THERE
11:30:19 AM Chrstofthemoment: i jsut posted my review of 33 as well
11:30:20 AM browncorduroy: ASHDJSAHASJDHSA
11:30:21 AM browncorduroy: omg
11:30:24 AM Chrstofthemoment: IT IS NOT SAD AT ALL
11:30:27 AM Chrstofthemoment: AND IS A BULLETED LIST
11:30:32 AM Chrstofthemoment: AND LISTS ARE AWESOME AND NEVER SAD
11:30:33 AM Chrstofthemoment: READ THAT
11:30:45 AM Chrstofthemoment: omg brb
11:30:59 AM browncorduroy: omg
———————————————————————
After I read this chapter, I sat on the floor for a few minutes and kept wiping tears away, thinking how stupid I felt for crying, and then realizing that it wasn’t really stupid because this was seriously one of the most disturbing things I’d ever read. So I told my friend we needed to get outside immediately because I could not read any further or attempt to formulate any coherent thoughts for a review.
We spent a couple hours skateboarding around Lake Merritt up here in Oakland and talking about the differences between where I used to live and he still does (Los Angeles) and the Bay Area. And I had that stupid EPIC SAX WALRUS song stuck in my head the whole time. THAT IS MY FAULT, OK. We made a full revolution around the lake before coming back to my apartment, where I proceeded to avoid even looking at Order of the Phoenix, let alone attempt reviewing it.
I made pizza, cleaned and vacuumed, did some organizing, played my guitar way too loud, and eventually realized I wasn’t going to leave the house until I committed to writing SOMETHING down, even if it wasn’t that good.
My friend Laureli (who’s been following my reviewing for a long time now and always has something interesting to say in the comments) IM’d me as I sat down at the computer.
—————————————–
3:02:01 PM Laureli: ARE YOU READING THE NEXT CHAPTER RIGHT NOW?
3:02:07 PM Mark Oshiro: i just did
3:02:08 PM Mark Oshiro: ;(
3:02:11 PM Laureli: oh no
3:02:12 PM Mark Oshiro: i haven’t recovered
3:02:15 PM Mark Oshiro: ugh
3:02:13 PM Laureli: 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁
3:02:17 PM Mark Oshiro: just typing this
3:02:19 PM Laureli: ohhh noooo
3:02:21 PM Mark Oshiro: i want to start cyring again
3:02:24 PM Mark Oshiro: crying*
3:02:26 PM Mark Oshiro: i read it like
3:02:29 PM Mark Oshiro: 3 hours ago
3:02:33 PM Laureli: oh god
3:02:37 PM Mark Oshiro: and i haven’t figured out a way to review
3:02:37 PM Laureli: now I’m going to start crying
3:02:45 PM Mark Oshiro: i am so utterly devastated and destroyed
3:02:58 PM Laureli: post a bunch of sad gifs
3:03:00 PM Mark Oshiro: jesus christ, it’s just nothing but tragedy
3:03:06 PM Mark Oshiro: oh god
3:03:07 PM Mark Oshiro: hmmmm
3:03:08 PM Laureli: and we’ll have a Sirius party in the comments
3:03:11 PM Mark Oshiro: there’s an idea there
3:03:56 PM Mark Oshiro: i think you actually just disrupted my brain freeze
3:04:13 PM Laureli: this is a good thing, yes?
3:04:35 PM Mark Oshiro: yes, it is
3:04:37 PM Mark Oshiro: but also
3:04:39 PM Mark Oshiro: ;(
3:04:44 PM Mark Oshiro: jesus christ i am destroyed
3:04:50 PM Laureli: 🙁 ;( ;( ;(
3:05:14 PM Laureli: JKR never gives up her hold on your heart
3:05:24 PM Laureli: you were doomed from the first page of Sorcerer’s Stone
————————————————————
In a way, she’s right. I never, ever expected these books to affect me on such a personal level, and it’s been a really long time since a book has hit me this hard emotionally.
What distresses me about the events of chapter 35 so much is that there’s no return from how awful the entire thing is. I had hoped, naively so, that there’d be some victorious comeuppance for Umbridge, and that the end would involve some sort of feeling of hope. But as I said in the AIM review, even if Harry found a way out, it didn’t matter anymore.
Hermione is unconscious. Ginny has a broken ankle. Ron is being choked to death somewhere. Neville no longer has a wand and has a broken nose. Moody is possible dead.
And Sirius is gone. Forever.
When Harry kept thinking that Sirius would just appear on the other side of the veil, I honestly believed he would too. Rowling couldn’t do this to him.
“There’s nothing you can do, Harry….nothing….He’s gone.”
I still can’t believe it. I can’t believe Harry could face anymore tragedy. But he has, and perhaps the worst of it all.
It hurts. I’m still devastated. But I’ve at least escaped the sensation that I legitimately wanted to quit this book and just disappear for a week or so. Much like Harry, I have to face the reality of a world filled with evil. And what the Death Eaters have done in this chapter is pure evil, plain and simple. The fact that they take such glee in causing mayhem, pain, and death fills me with rage.
But it’s just a book and these people aren’t real, I have to remind myself. They may seem like wonderful substitutions for things that enrage me in the real world, but this is just a book.
I don’t know when I’ll post the next review, but it might not be until tomorrow morning. I should finish the book Tuesday evening. We’ll do our liveblog this upcoming Saturday, September 11th, 2010, at 10AM PST. I’ll have other posts to fill in the space until then, so don’t worry about there being a gap in things to post on for those three days.
Ugh. I’m gonna go outside again. In the meantime, let us hold a party of sad gifs and Sirius macros/gifs. He deserves it.
OTHER TOPICS WE SHOULD DISCUSS AS WELL:
– Luna being a BAD ASS.
– “DUBBLEDORE!”
– WHAT THE FUCK ARE THOSE BRAIN THINGS
– Baby heads.
– Kingsley being a badass
– Lupin being a badass
– Badassery in general
OH GOD I AM TEARING UP AGAIN ~what have i become~