Mark Reads ‘Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix’: Chapter 34

In the thirty-fourth chapter of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Harry and his group fly to the Ministry of Magic aboard thestrals. When they arrive, they find the Ministry mysteriously empty. And then, shit begins to get realer than ever before. Intrigued? Then it’s time Mark to read Harry Potter.

CHAPTER 34: THE DEPARTMENT OF MYSTERIES

9:22:56 AM Chrstofthemoment: kasper

9:22:58 AM Chrstofthemoment: kasper

9:22:59 AM Chrstofthemoment: kasper

9:23:04 AM browncorduroy: omg

9:23:05 AM browncorduroy: omg

9:23:06 AM browncorduroy: what

9:23:07 AM browncorduroy: what

9:23:12 AM Chrstofthemoment: i cannot stop watching this

9:23:13 AM Chrstofthemoment: //www.youtube.com/watch?v=BY6mpaVEaTg

9:23:41 AM browncorduroy: you showed me that a few days ago

9:23:49 AM browncorduroy: not that i mind i love it deeply

9:24:35 AM browncorduroy: also

9:24:43 AM browncorduroy: are you going to read chapter 34 immediately

9:25:23 AM Chrstofthemoment: um yes

9:25:37 AM Chrstofthemoment: after I make you watch the other vide I am obsessed with

9:25:37 AM Chrstofthemoment: //www.youtube.com/watch?v=oSQNry_U7oA

9:26:00 AM browncorduroy: omg what

9:26:22 AM browncorduroy: omg walrus

9:26:23 AM browncorduroy: omg

9:26:23 AM Chrstofthemoment: just watch until like 0:50

9:26:23 AM browncorduroy: om

9:26:24 AM browncorduroy: omg

9:26:37 AM browncorduroy: oh shit this is amazing

9:27:29 AM Chrstofthemoment: i know

9:28:37 AM browncorduroy: ok just let me know when you are ready, sir

9:29:00 AM Chrstofthemoment: I am opening my book RIGHT NOW

9:29:12 AM browncorduroy: YEAH

9:29:13 AM browncorduroy: omg

9:29:22 AM Chrstofthemoment: hahaha omg thestrals

9:29:31 AM browncorduroy: omg i know

9:29:34 AM Chrstofthemoment: my friend Sonia yesterday told me she once saw a bumper sticker that said

9:29:38 AM Chrstofthemoment: I SEE THESTRALS

9:29:42 AM browncorduroy: AHJSDHASHDAS

9:29:45 AM browncorduroy: THAT IS BEAUTIFUL

9:29:54 AM browncorduroy: most goth fictional creature ever y/y

9:30:04 AM Chrstofthemoment: seriously

9:30:10 AM Chrstofthemoment: I bet it listens to The Cure.

9:30:44 AM browncorduroy: thestrals probably prefer joy division because at least one of them was goth enough to die

9:30:57 AM browncorduroy: oh god i am literally going to hell

9:31:20 AM Chrstofthemoment: ok that was wildly inappropriate, kasper, and I laughed really hard.

9:32:28 AM browncorduroy: sahjdfhaedfawjekdhsjdsa

9:32:56 AM browncorduroy: i am not proud but i am a comedy genius

9:34:02 AM Chrstofthemoment: oh god this chapter.

9:34:04 AM Chrstofthemoment: like

9:34:07 AM browncorduroy: oh god where are you now

9:34:14 AM browncorduroy: what is happening

9:34:15 AM Chrstofthemoment: I CANNOT IMAGINE HOW WEIRD IT WOULD BE TO FLY ON AN INVISIBLE HORSE

9:34:19 AM Chrstofthemoment: that has to be so fucked up

9:34:22 AM browncorduroy: OH GOD I KNOW RIGHT

9:34:26 AM Chrstofthemoment: though

9:34:36 AM Chrstofthemoment: ron and hermione should be happy not to be able to see them

9:34:46 AM browncorduroy: that is probably the eternal dilemma

9:35:05 AM browncorduroy: and i like how harry goes all “DO YOU MIND” *GRUMPYFACE* whenever one of them says they wish they could see thestrals

9:35:31 AM Chrstofthemoment: hahaahahahah

9:35:36 AM Chrstofthemoment: you are being insensitive

9:35:43 AM browncorduroy: maybe you could use some sensitivity training, ron weasley

9:35:52 AM Chrstofthemoment: Harry Potter and the Why Don’t You Care About My Feelings

9:36:08 AM browncorduroy: Harry Potter and the My Friends Just Don’t Understand

9:36:09 AM Chrstofthemoment: Harry Potter and the My Feelings Are A Delicate Flower

9:36:15 AM Chrstofthemoment: a;lksdjf;lasdjf;asdljfa;lsdkjfas;dj

9:36:17 AM Chrstofthemoment: oh god

9:36:30 AM Chrstofthemoment: I bet everyone thinks I despise Harry Potter at this point

9:36:40 AM browncorduroy: Harry Potter and the Deep and Very Special And Unique Pain That No One Could Ever Possibly Understand

9:36:52 AM Chrstofthemoment: BUT I DO NOT. I JUST LIKE TO MAKE FUN OF HIS PAIN BECAUSE IT IS MY PAIN AND THIS IS HOW I DEAL WITH TRAUMA

9:37:01 AM Chrstofthemoment: oh kasper, that is the best working title for this book EVER

9:37:05 AM browncorduroy: PRETTY MUCH HATERS, YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO

9:37:06 AM browncorduroy: sdhiljfhawkdhawksjdhsd

9:38:11 AM browncorduroy: ok BOOK. READ. ARE YOU READING, SIR

9:38:48 AM Chrstofthemoment: i am

9:38:55 AM Chrstofthemoment: They are descending into London right now

9:39:05 AM browncorduroy: omg

9:39:59 AM Chrstofthemoment: ugh

9:40:02 AM Chrstofthemoment: i am filled with dread

9:40:17 AM browncorduroy: and so you should be, sir

9:40:32 AM Chrstofthemoment: hahaah RON FELL OFF

9:40:42 AM Chrstofthemoment: also i like how Luna is a TOTAL EXPERT AT THIS

9:40:48 AM browncorduroy: hjasdhas RON WEASLEY: PERPETUALLY RUBBISH

9:41:05 AM browncorduroy: dude she probably rides thestrals around over the forbidden forest all the time just for fun

9:41:24 AM browncorduroy: or some fucked up shit like that because that’s just how she rolls and i deeply love her for it

9:43:58 AM Chrstofthemoment: OH GOD I KNOW

9:44:27 AM Chrstofthemoment: LUNA LOVEGOOD IS SO FIERCE

9:44:47 AM browncorduroy: SERIOUSLY

9:44:56 AM browncorduroy: I LOVE HER SO MUCH SHE IS ONE OF MY VERY FAVOURITES

9:45:09 AM Chrstofthemoment: hahsdjfhasdfkjhad

9:45:09 AM Chrstofthemoment: omg

9:45:11 AM Chrstofthemoment: the badge

9:45:14 AM Chrstofthemoment: RESCUE MISSION

9:45:30 AM Chrstofthemoment: THAT IS SO HILARIOUS TO ME

9:46:14 AM Chrstofthemoment: oh shit

9:46:16 AM Chrstofthemoment: kasper

9:46:16 AM Chrstofthemoment: why

9:46:16 AM browncorduroy: HASDHJAS I KNOW

9:46:20 AM browncorduroy: omg

9:46:23 AM Chrstofthemoment: why are there no security agents???

9:46:25 AM Chrstofthemoment: oh my god

9:46:33 AM browncorduroy: oh god i know shit is so fucking eerie

9:46:52 AM Chrstofthemoment: also

9:46:54 AM Chrstofthemoment: my god

9:47:00 AM Chrstofthemoment: WE ARE GOING INTO THE DEPARTMENT OF MYSTERIES

9:47:06 AM browncorduroy: yes

9:47:10 AM browncorduroy: YES WE ARE

9:47:10 AM Chrstofthemoment: lulz my predictions were 100% true

9:47:30 AM browncorduroy: omg are you a Seer, mark

9:48:17 AM Chrstofthemoment: oh what the fuck

9:48:21 AM Chrstofthemoment: THE DOORS MOVED?????

9:48:24 AM Chrstofthemoment: WHAT IS THIS SHIT

9:48:25 AM browncorduroy: YEAH

9:48:29 AM browncorduroy: FOR EXTRA MYSTERIOUSNESS

9:48:31 AM Chrstofthemoment: IS THIS LIKE A DISNEYLAND RIDE OR SOMETHING

9:48:32 AM Chrstofthemoment: hahahahahahahah

9:48:42 AM browncorduroy: WHAT DOOR DID THEY COME IN THROUGH NO ONE KNOWS OH SHIT

9:48:46 AM Chrstofthemoment: I like that idea, that the Department of Mysteries turns everything into a mystery

9:48:51 AM browncorduroy: IT’S LIKE A DISNEYLAND RIDE BUT IN REAL LIFE

9:48:53 AM Chrstofthemoment: Kinglsey, where is my coffe?

9:48:56 AM Chrstofthemoment: coffee*

9:48:59 AM browncorduroy: hjashdajshdasjhdsadsa

9:49:08 AM Chrstofthemoment: WHO KNOWS dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

9:49:25 AM browncorduroy: sjkdhasjhdjaskdhas

9:49:42 AM browncorduroy: Harry Potter And The Mystery Of The Disappearing Office Supplies

9:50:19 AM Chrstofthemoment: Harry Potter and the Where Did My Pocketknife Go

9:50:36 AM browncorduroy: Harry Potter and the Who Stole My Quill, I Need That To Write This Report

9:52:09 AM Chrstofthemoment: Harry Potter and the I Really Hope Dobby Didn’t Take Another One of My Socks Because I Really Hate Going Barefoot In The Common Room

9:53:10 AM Chrstofthemoment: sdfkjsa;lfjas;djf

9:53:53 AM Chrstofthemoment: what the fuck

9:53:54 AM browncorduroy: hjsdhfsajhdsahdsajhdas

9:53:55 AM browncorduroy: omg

9:53:59 AM browncorduroy: what

9:54:04 AM Chrstofthemoment: why is there a tank of brains in the Department of Mysteries?

9:54:14 AM browncorduroy: i don’t know, it is a mystery

9:54:16 AM browncorduroy: ashiduahdajhwqjadhsjdsa

9:54:26 AM Chrstofthemoment: hahahaha I FORGOT THAT

9:54:34 AM browncorduroy: DO YOU SEE NOW, MARK

9:54:36 AM browncorduroy: DO YOU SEE

9:55:21 AM Chrstofthemoment: OH GOD

9:55:26 AM Chrstofthemoment: THIS IS SO DISORIENTING

9:55:32 AM browncorduroy: WHERE ARE YOU RIGHT NOW

9:55:38 AM Chrstofthemoment: They are in the room that’s like an amphitheater?

9:55:38 AM browncorduroy: YOU NEED TO TELL ME THESE THINGS SO I KNOW HOW TO REACT

9:55:42 AM browncorduroy: omg omg omg

9:55:47 AM Chrstofthemoment: with the veil on the stage/center?

9:55:50 AM browncorduroy: YEAH

9:56:43 AM Chrstofthemoment: oh my god

9:56:46 AM Chrstofthemoment: what the fuck

9:56:51 AM Chrstofthemoment: Whispering behind the veil???

9:56:57 AM Chrstofthemoment: and luna can hear it????????

9:56:59 AM Chrstofthemoment: WHAT THE FUCK

9:57:07 AM browncorduroy: this is all very mysterious

9:57:08 AM browncorduroy: asfjoehafjksd

9:57:09 AM browncorduroy: BUT YEAH

9:57:29 AM browncorduroy: I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY BECAUSE BASICALLY YOU THINK YOUR BRAIN HAS EXPLODED BUT YOU STILL HAVE BRAINS LEFT TO BE EVEN MORE EXPLODEDED

9:57:48 AM Chrstofthemoment: OH GOD

9:57:53 AM Chrstofthemoment: SIRIUS’S KNIFE MELTED

9:57:58 AM Chrstofthemoment: WHAT THE SHIT IS HAPPENING

9:58:14 AM browncorduroy: YEAH

9:58:28 AM browncorduroy: THIS IS SOME FUCKED UP ULTRA SERIOUS SECURITY MEASURES SHIT

9:58:42 AM Chrstofthemoment: oh shit

9:58:44 AM Chrstofthemoment: THEY MADE IT!!!!

9:58:46 AM Chrstofthemoment: OH GOD

9:58:47 AM Chrstofthemoment: OH GOD

9:58:48 AM Chrstofthemoment: OH GOD

9:58:58 AM browncorduroy: YEAH

9:58:59 AM browncorduroy: YEAH

9:59:18 AM Chrstofthemoment: OH GOD THEY ARE IN THE ROOM WITH THE ORBS

9:59:57 AM Chrstofthemoment: OH GOD ROW 97

9:59:59 AM Chrstofthemoment: OH GOD

10:00:00 AM Chrstofthemoment: wait.

10:00:01 AM browncorduroy: OH GOD

10:00:02 AM Chrstofthemoment: he’s not there?

10:00:04 AM Chrstofthemoment: what?

10:00:07 AM Chrstofthemoment: hmmm.

10:00:09 AM Chrstofthemoment: i don’t like this

10:00:17 AM browncorduroy: and you really should not, sir

10:01:09 AM Chrstofthemoment: oh

10:01:10 AM Chrstofthemoment: oh my god

10:01:14 AM Chrstofthemoment: oh my god kasper

10:01:21 AM browncorduroy: yeah

10:01:21 AM Chrstofthemoment: WHY IS THERE A SPHERE WITH HARRY’S NAME ON IT

10:01:30 AM browncorduroy: BECAUSE

10:01:43 AM browncorduroy: BECAUSE THIS BOOK IS AN ENDLESS HEADFUCK, THAT’S WHY

10:01:56 AM Chrstofthemoment: WHAT

10:01:57 AM Chrstofthemoment: THE

10:01:58 AM Chrstofthemoment: FUCK

10:02:06 AM Chrstofthemoment: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

10:02:07 AM Chrstofthemoment: KASPER

10:02:10 AM Chrstofthemoment: WHAT DOES THAT STAND FOR

10:02:21 AM browncorduroy: IT MEANS SOME SHIT IS GOING TO GO DOWN

10:02:31 AM Chrstofthemoment: oh my gopd

10:02:32 AM Chrstofthemoment: SDLKJF;LKDSAJFASDJKASDJF

10:02:33 AM Chrstofthemoment: ASDKFJAS’D;LF

10:02:34 AM Chrstofthemoment: SDAF;ASDKLFJASD

10:02:34 AM Chrstofthemoment: FSADKLFJAL’SDFO

10:02:35 AM Chrstofthemoment: PASDF;AKLSDJFA

10:02:35 AM Chrstofthemoment: S[PDFAS;DKLFJAL’KDSF

10:02:36 AM Chrstofthemoment: SADFK;HLADSJFAKS:”LDF

10:02:39 AM Chrstofthemoment: ‘WHO THE FUCK IS THERE

10:02:41 AM Chrstofthemoment: WHAT THE FUCK

10:02:42 AM Chrstofthemoment: WHAT THE FUCK

10:02:54 AM Chrstofthemoment: OH MY FUCKING GOD

10:02:56 AM Chrstofthemoment: WHAT THE FUCK KASPER

10:02:57 AM browncorduroy: YEAH EVERYTHING IS FUCKED UP AND AWFUL AND WHAT EVEN AND WHY AND ALSO FFFFFFFUUUUU–

10:03:18 AM Chrstofthemoment: JESUS CHRIST, THIS FUCKING BOOK

10:03:18 AM browncorduroy: i think you should read the next chapter immediately, that is what i think

10:03:20 AM browncorduroy: YEAH

10:03:21 AM Chrstofthemoment: HAHFHAJKDSFHASLDHFSA

10:03:21 AM browncorduroy: YEAH

10:03:24 AM Chrstofthemoment: wait so like

10:03:28 AM Chrstofthemoment: something is clearly wrong

10:03:30 AM Chrstofthemoment: because

10:03:37 AM Chrstofthemoment: WHY ARE THERE NO PEOPLE INSIDE THE MINISTRY

10:03:41 AM Chrstofthemoment: this is bothering me deeply

10:03:47 AM browncorduroy: yes

10:03:50 AM browncorduroy: everything is wrong

10:03:54 AM Chrstofthemoment: like JESUS WHYYYYYYYYY

10:03:55 AM Chrstofthemoment: also

10:03:55 AM browncorduroy: and there is only one way to find out what is happening

10:03:56 AM browncorduroy: like

10:04:00 AM browncorduroy: I CANNOT TELL YOU ANYTHING

10:04:01 AM browncorduroy: so

10:04:05 AM Chrstofthemoment: Luna is the only joyous thing in this chapter

10:04:16 AM Chrstofthemoment: i like how she was like OOOH I KNOW WHAT THIS IS

10:04:16 AM browncorduroy: luna brings great joy to my heart

10:04:18 AM Chrstofthemoment: MY DAD IS RIGHT

10:04:35 AM browncorduroy: I KNOW ALL THE THINGS

10:04:42 AM browncorduroy: THEY JUST HAPPEN TO MAKE NO SENSE TO YOU MERE MORTALS

10:04:43 AM browncorduroy: SFDIJSAKHDASJKD

10:06:17 AM Chrstofthemoment: SHE IS THE BEST

10:06:27 AM browncorduroy: SHE TRULY IS UTTERLY WONDERFUL

10:06:45 AM browncorduroy: oh god see i knew you’d want to keep reading immediately

10:06:52 AM Chrstofthemoment: oh god

10:06:54 AM Chrstofthemoment: and guess what

10:06:57 AM Chrstofthemoment: i totally am

10:06:58 AM browncorduroy: but BE FOREWARNED, YOU WON’T WANT TO STOP FOR AT LEAST A COUPLE MORE CHAPTERS