Mark Reads ‘Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince’: Chapter 11

In the eleventh chapter of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, Gryffindor goes through Quidditch try outs and the trio visits Hagrid. Oh, and Hermione BREAKS ALL THE RULES. Intrigued? Then it’s time for Mark to read Harry Potter.

CHAPTER 11: HERMIONE’S HELPING HAND

IN THIS REVIEW

* SKOOL IZ HARD

* Harry’s Hair is Full of Secrets

* Everything’s Fuck’d

* Quidditch?

* Leave me alone! I’m going to listen to Linkin Park

* Who are you and what have you done to Hermione Granger?

LET’S GO!

Skool iz Hard

• ommmmgggggggg i don’t even get to play on my break/recess
• omggggggg they swear like i’m in college or some shit
• whyyyyyyyy do i have so much homework
• nonverbal spells are the pits i want to diiiieeeeeee
• life is the worst
• ommmmggggggggggggggg
• HARRY STOP WHINING BECAUSE YOU HAVE A MAGICAL BOOK THAT GIVES YOU ALL THE ANSWERS.

Harry’s hair is full of secrets.

• How weird is it that Harry’s Hogwarts reputation constantly changes? He’s now the most interesting and intriguing person in the entire school. Again.
• What’s the count? He’s been hated thrice now: all through CoS, GoF, and OotP.
• lol acronyms. Sometimes I pronounce them out loud.
• oooooooootup.

Everything’s Fuck’d

• How depressing is the revelation that Stanley Shunpike was arrested and sent to Azkaban? (He operated the Knight Bus.)
• Oh, wait. Dumbledore isn’t around anymore either. Shit’s getting real. :/
• OH MY GOD. Hannah Abbot’s mother was murdered. 🙁 🙁
• Everything is fucked.

Quidditch?

• HARRY IS CAPTAIN
• I AM ORDERING YOU AROUND
• DO DRILLS.
• STOP HECKLING.
• YELLING. YELLING.
• OMG BATTLE.
• MCLAGGEN, I DON’T CARE WHO YOU ARE, YOU HAVE TO TRY OUT.
• HOLY SHIT, RON, YOU ARE THE NEW KEEPER.
• MCLAGGEN, YOU ARE A SORE LOSER. MOVE ALONG.
• RON, YOU DID SO WELL!
• Wait, Hermione, why did you blush when Ron mentioned that McLaggen looked Confounded?
• SUSPECT.

Leave me alone! I’m going to listen to Linkin Park.

• Aw, poor Hagrid. He’s hurt that Harry, Ron, and Hermione aren’t in his classes!
• YOU GUYS, HAGRID IS THE BEST. 🙁
• WHAT THE FUCK, ARAGOG IS DYING? omg can this book please not get any sadder 🙁 🙁
• omg Hagrid suggested they used Time-Turners to be in his class, but they are all broken.
• 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁

Who are you and what have you done to Hermione Granger?

• Honestly, I was pretty surprised that Hermione Confounded McLaggen. It’s incredibly out of character for how she normally acts, but there’s an obvious explanation.
• HERMIONE WANTS RON SO BADLY.
• omg RON/HERMIONE SHIPPERS UNITE.
• oh god JUST MAKE OUT ALREADY.