Mark Reads ‘Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix’: Chapter 15
In the fifteenth chapter of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Professor Umbridge continues to ruin everything and it is so painful and unbearable…until the reveal at the end of the chapter. Intrigued? Then it’s time for Mark to read Harry Potter.
CHAPTER 15: THE HOGWARTS HIGH INQUISITOR
12:51:32 AM Chrstofthemoment: also not to change the subject we can still talk about this
12:51:38 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): hjakshdjhdewadjhewqads
12:51:40 AM Chrstofthemoment: but i am reading chapter 15 in like 6 seconds
12:51:45 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): omg excite
12:51:57 AM Chrstofthemoment: sdfjlk;sdfj;askldj
12:52:17 AM Chrstofthemoment: oh
12:52:17 AM Chrstofthemoment: oh
12:52:18 AM Chrstofthemoment: fuck
12:52:20 AM Chrstofthemoment: fuck everything
12:52:21 AM Chrstofthemoment: fuck the world
12:52:23 AM Chrstofthemoment: fuck
12:52:23 AM Chrstofthemoment: fuck
12:52:25 AM Chrstofthemoment: kasper
12:52:25 AM Chrstofthemoment: fuck
12:52:26 AM Chrstofthemoment: FUCK
12:52:27 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): what
12:52:27 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): waht
12:52:28 AM Chrstofthemoment: WHAT THE FUCK
12:52:30 AM Chrstofthemoment: WHY
12:52:30 AM Chrstofthemoment: WHY
12:52:31 AM Chrstofthemoment: WHY
12:52:31 AM Chrstofthemoment: WHY
12:52:35 AM Chrstofthemoment: HIGH INQUISITOR
12:52:38 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): OH GOD
12:52:39 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): I KNOW
12:52:40 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): I KNOW
12:52:42 AM Chrstofthemoment: IS THIS THE SPANISH INQUISITION
12:52:43 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): pweiuhasdjklaHSDJKFHSDJFH
12:52:47 AM Chrstofthemoment: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS BULLSHIT
12:52:51 AM Chrstofthemoment: I HAVEN’T EVEN READ WHAT IT IS
12:52:56 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): BASICALLY
12:52:57 AM Chrstofthemoment: I JUST READ THAT THEY PASSED A LAW
12:52:58 AM Chrstofthemoment: THAT IS IT
12:53:03 AM Chrstofthemoment: AND I AM ALREADY MAD
12:53:04 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): KEEP READING
12:53:04 AM Chrstofthemoment: WHAT
12:53:05 AM Chrstofthemoment: WHY
12:53:06 AM Chrstofthemoment: WHYW
12:53:07 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): ASJDHFASD
12:53:07 AM Chrstofthemoment: oh
12:53:10 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): YOU ARE A TRUE ANARCHIST
12:53:11 AM Chrstofthemoment: i should probably do that
12:53:30 AM Chrstofthemoment: that might be a very reasonable thing to do
12:53:56 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): indeed i think so, sir
12:54:00 AM Chrstofthemoment: i want to die
12:54:03 AM Chrstofthemoment: FUCK PERCY
12:54:04 AM Chrstofthemoment: FUCK HIM
12:54:12 AM Chrstofthemoment: HOW IS THIS ANY OF HIS BUSINESS
12:54:18 AM Chrstofthemoment: “She was an immediate success”
12:54:28 AM Chrstofthemoment: I WILL IMMEDIATELY SUCCESS YOUR FACE
12:55:14 AM Chrstofthemoment: oh my god
12:55:16 AM Chrstofthemoment: kasper
12:55:24 AM Chrstofthemoment: she is going to JUDGE THE TEACHERS NOW?????
12:55:30 AM Chrstofthemoment: WWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
12:55:34 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): YEAH
12:55:34 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): YEAH
12:55:35 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): YEAH
12:55:41 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): also i deeply love your BURNING RAGE
12:55:41 AM Chrstofthemoment: OH GOD I AM ONLY ON PAGE TWO
12:55:43 AM Chrstofthemoment: THIS HURTS
12:55:46 AM Chrstofthemoment: kasper
12:55:47 AM Chrstofthemoment: kasper
12:55:48 AM Chrstofthemoment: kasper
12:55:52 AM Chrstofthemoment: they quoted Malfoy
12:56:03 AM Chrstofthemoment: that’s why he was at the ministry, wasn’t it
12:56:07 AM Chrstofthemoment: DON’T ANSWER THAT
12:56:09 AM Chrstofthemoment: OH GOD
12:56:17 AM Chrstofthemoment: OH MY GOD I AM SO FULL OF HATE
12:56:17 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): F U LUCIUS MALFOY
12:56:21 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): OH GOD I KNOW RIGHT
12:56:53 AM Chrstofthemoment: OH OH
12:56:54 AM Chrstofthemoment: OH OF COURSE
12:57:06 AM Chrstofthemoment: THE ONLY DETRACTOR HAS LINKS TO A SUBVERSIVE GOBLIN GROUP
12:57:08 AM Chrstofthemoment: also
12:57:15 AM Chrstofthemoment: i love you so much right now, J.K. Rowling.
12:57:24 AM Chrstofthemoment: BACK TO MY SEETHING MANGER
12:57:30 AM Chrstofthemoment: WHAT IS THIS BULLSHIT, KASPER
12:57:32 AM Chrstofthemoment: WHAT IS IT
12:58:14 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): yeah
12:58:15 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): I KNOW
12:58:21 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): IT IS SOME SERIOUS FUCKERY, THAT IS WHAT IT IS
12:58:37 AM Chrstofthemoment: OH GOD I DO NOT LIKE THIS
12:58:44 AM Chrstofthemoment: I HAVE A BAD FEELING ABOUT THIS
12:58:47 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): THE MAN IS LIKE TOTALLY OPPRESSING THE SHIT OUT OF EVERYONE
12:58:52 AM Chrstofthemoment: what do not judge me for quoting Star Wars
12:59:07 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): i would never dream of judging you for that
12:59:48 AM Chrstofthemoment: also
12:59:52 AM Chrstofthemoment: T FOR TROLL
1:00:01 AM Chrstofthemoment: Thank you, George, for making me laugh
1:00:13 AM Chrstofthemoment: even though I know I am going to never laugh again in this book
1:00:23 AM Chrstofthemoment: George is my only hope for true happiness
1:00:30 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): oh god that is beautiful
1:00:43 AM Chrstofthemoment: i hope he knows that
1:00:50 AM Chrstofthemoment: “Mark, he is not real, what are you doing”
1:01:06 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): i love you very deeply
1:01:41 AM Chrstofthemoment: oh god
1:01:46 AM Chrstofthemoment: umbridge is in Trelawney’s class
1:01:56 AM Chrstofthemoment: I suddenly like Trelawney a whole lot more now
1:02:00 AM Chrstofthemoment: I WONDER WHY THAT IS
1:02:33 AM Chrstofthemoment: Life’s greatest mysteries, I tell you.
1:04:08 AM Chrstofthemoment: man i hate Trelawney’s lessons, but Umbridge makes me wish she could actually predict the future
1:04:14 AM Chrstofthemoment: just out of spite FYI
1:04:17 AM Chrstofthemoment: btw
1:04:20 AM Chrstofthemoment: jsyk
1:05:17 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): IKR
1:05:27 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): i love trelawney, she is so silly and her lessons are so pointless
1:05:37 AM Chrstofthemoment: hahahahahaha see i love her as a character
1:05:55 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): haha yeah totally
1:06:00 AM Chrstofthemoment: but she just reminds me of my friends who are all BUT MARK, MERCURY IS IN RETROGRADE WHY ARE YOU NOT SEEKING YOUR TRUE LOVE
1:06:06 AM Chrstofthemoment: Hey friend: STOP TALKING TO ME
1:06:19 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): hajshdsahdjashdas
1:06:44 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): that friend sounds very annoying
1:07:42 AM Chrstofthemoment: that person is no longer my friend.
1:07:45 AM Chrstofthemoment: FYI
1:07:48 AM Chrstofthemoment: BTW
1:07:50 AM Chrstofthemoment: JSYK
1:08:10 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): that is probably a good thing
1:08:12 AM Chrstofthemoment: also that sounds like I am not their friend solely based on their interest in horoscopes
1:08:15 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): FYI
1:08:16 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): hajshdsajhasdhsa
1:08:28 AM Chrstofthemoment: which that is not the case i am not a zodiac bigot
1:08:36 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): whatever mark you totally are
1:09:00 AM Chrstofthemoment: they ended up being a really shitty person completely separate from their childish and bizarre obsession with birthdates and planets
1:09:08 AM Chrstofthemoment: i mean what what
1:09:17 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): how were they a shitty person
1:09:49 AM Chrstofthemoment: oh my god
1:09:52 AM Chrstofthemoment: kasper
1:09:59 AM Chrstofthemoment: she was one of those people who like
1:10:19 AM Chrstofthemoment: completely co-opt and appropriate everyone else’s lives and cultures to make herself interesting
1:10:21 AM Chrstofthemoment: like
1:10:25 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): ew that is so gross
1:10:28 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): why am i not surprised
1:10:30 AM Chrstofthemoment: I AM TOTALLY MEXICAN IN SPIRIT WITH YOU
1:10:37 AM Chrstofthemoment: No. You are white. Stop.
1:10:38 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): oh EW
1:10:42 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): yeah fuck that
1:10:44 AM Chrstofthemoment: like
1:10:45 AM Chrstofthemoment: oh god
1:10:46 AM Chrstofthemoment: kasper
1:10:54 AM Chrstofthemoment: she was a SUPER SPESHUL ALLY
1:11:03 AM Chrstofthemoment: Who wanted super speshul ally cookies
1:11:06 AM Chrstofthemoment: ALL THE TIME
1:11:16 AM Chrstofthemoment: she couldn’t do nice things because they were right.
1:11:23 AM Chrstofthemoment: she did them so people could pay attention to her
1:11:37 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): oh god that is so fucking gross
1:11:40 AM Chrstofthemoment: literally, she once told someone off for using the word “gay” in a derogatory way
1:11:40 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): i deeply hate people like that
1:12:15 AM Chrstofthemoment: AND THEN IMMEDIATELY WENT HOME AND POSTED A MYSPACE BULLETIN ABOUT HOW MUCH THAT WORD “DEEPLY HURTS HER” AND HAS BEEN USED “HISTORICALLY TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE ME FEEL LIKE SHIT”
1:12:17 AM Chrstofthemoment: kasper
1:12:20 AM Chrstofthemoment: guess who was not gay
1:12:23 AM Chrstofthemoment: take a guess
1:12:26 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): what
1:12:32 AM Chrstofthemoment: is this really hard for you
1:12:40 AM Chrstofthemoment: is this a difficult conundrum
1:12:41 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): yeah sorry that word has not been used to make straight girls feel like shit sry2say
1:12:54 AM Chrstofthemoment: HISTORICALLY
1:13:07 AM Chrstofthemoment: apparently history is full of straight girls being called gay?
1:13:07 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): HOW ABOUT I HISTORICALLY YOUR FACE, MOTHERFUCKER
1:13:10 AM Chrstofthemoment: HASDFH;SLDKJF;ASJFADF
1:13:13 AM Chrstofthemoment: EXCELLENT
1:13:16 AM Chrstofthemoment: OH SHIT
1:13:19 AM Chrstofthemoment: HARRY POTTER
1:13:22 AM Chrstofthemoment: A;DSFJ;ALSKDFJ;ADLKFJA;LKDSFJA;KDLSFJA;SKLDFJADKL;SFJADSKL;FJAS;DKLFJASDK;LFJA
1:13:31 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): AHJDFHASDHQWJISA WHERE ARE YOU UP TO NOW
1:13:44 AM Chrstofthemoment: HAHAHA
1:13:50 AM Chrstofthemoment: I HAVE NOT READ ANY FURTHER SINCE OUR TANGENT
1:13:58 AM Chrstofthemoment: this is clearly why we are the best people ever
1:14:15 AM Chrstofthemoment: i’m still at her “demanding” a prediction from Trelawney
1:14:35 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): we are the greatest people of all time
1:15:53 AM Chrstofthemoment: oh god they are going to Umbridge’s class now
1:15:56 AM Chrstofthemoment: i feel horrible
1:16:03 AM Chrstofthemoment: i don’t want to read the inevitable disaster
1:16:22 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): oh god
1:16:29 AM Chrstofthemoment: oh my god
1:16:32 AM Chrstofthemoment: hermione
1:16:38 AM Chrstofthemoment: i love her deeply
1:16:40 AM Chrstofthemoment: FYI
1:16:52 AM Chrstofthemoment: I was always the douchey kid 2343 chapters ahead of the class at all times
1:17:00 AM Chrstofthemoment: what i liked to read
1:17:04 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): hajshdass i know right
1:17:07 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): it’s ok i don’t judge you
1:17:11 AM Chrstofthemoment: reading was awesome
1:17:16 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): i was like that in primary school but then i stopped
1:17:28 AM Chrstofthemoment: and when you assign me S.E. Hinton’s The Outsiders, which is like…18 pages long
1:17:29 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): lol i peaked in 5th grade
1:17:35 AM Chrstofthemoment: I’m sorry, I’m going to read it all in one sitting.
1:17:45 AM Chrstofthemoment: Take that, Ponyboy.
1:17:45 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): i read that in one sitting too, fyi
1:17:49 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): though not in school
1:17:49 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): ahiwhuedjqwaskdhasjdkhsa
1:17:57 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): also i am pretty sure it is not literally 18 pages long
1:18:13 AM Chrstofthemoment: also I am pretty sure that book turned 18 kids a year into shitty greaser kids
1:18:23 AM Chrstofthemoment: i knew I mixed my numbers up
1:18:23 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): what you say that like it’s a bad thing
1:18:27 AM Chrstofthemoment: that’s true
1:18:43 AM Chrstofthemoment: they were usually very attractive to me and my burgeoning Smiths love
1:19:13 AM Chrstofthemoment: I was like WHY DO ALL SMITHS FANS DRESS LIKE CHARACTERS IN THE OUTSIDERS
1:19:18 AM Chrstofthemoment: Oh. Oh.
1:19:23 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): dear mark did you know that you are a gay mexican-american morrissey fan
1:19:33 AM Chrstofthemoment: dear kasper are you judging me
1:19:44 AM Chrstofthemoment: dear mark WHY ARE YOU A GIANT STEREOTYPE
1:19:44 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): what i would never judge you
1:20:16 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): dear mark i am a puny white massively gay scandinavian indiekid with a morrissey tattoo
1:20:36 AM Chrstofthemoment: jesus does your hipster irony hurt at times
1:20:49 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): i’m sorry are you judging me
1:20:50 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): alisdhasjkda
1:20:51 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): safhjdahfd
1:20:52 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): oh god
1:22:09 AM Chrstofthemoment: i literally have nothing to say to that
1:22:14 AM Chrstofthemoment: So I’m going to change the subject
1:22:40 AM Chrstofthemoment: because Harry just called out Umbridge’s defense of Quirrell because Voldemort was sticking out of the back of his head
1:22:53 AM Chrstofthemoment: and she just gave him another week of detenion.
1:22:55 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): hasjdhsajhdsa oh god i know
1:22:59 AM Chrstofthemoment: and detention I CAN SPELL
1:23:06 AM Chrstofthemoment: i don’t want to turn the page.
1:23:12 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): oh god
1:23:13 AM Chrstofthemoment: i don’t want to know what happens
1:23:14 AM Chrstofthemoment: oh god
1:23:17 AM Chrstofthemoment: I AM DOING IT
1:23:56 AM Chrstofthemoment: oh this is fucking miserable
1:24:02 AM Chrstofthemoment: i don’t even know what to say man
1:24:11 AM Chrstofthemoment: how on earth is this like
1:24:11 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): oh god i know
1:24:14 AM Chrstofthemoment: even remotely ok
1:25:02 AM Chrstofthemoment: oh shit
1:25:08 AM Chrstofthemoment: MCGONAGALL VERSUS UMBRIDGE
1:25:10 AM Chrstofthemoment: oh my god
1:25:14 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): YEAH
1:25:14 AM Chrstofthemoment: this is going to be fucking amazing
1:25:25 AM Chrstofthemoment: i just got goosebumps in anticipation
1:25:25 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): FUCK YES MCGONAGALL
1:25:26 AM Chrstofthemoment: jesus
1:26:23 AM Chrstofthemoment: oh god McGonagall is the very best
1:26:31 AM Chrstofthemoment: also she has been teaching 39 years WHAT
1:27:13 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): i know right
1:27:42 AM Chrstofthemoment: OH GOD more detention PLEASE KILL ME ALREADY
1:27:59 AM Chrstofthemoment: god like
1:28:08 AM Chrstofthemoment: there had better be some sort of sweet fucking vindication
1:28:25 AM Chrstofthemoment: i don’t care if I have to wait for the last sentence of Deathly Hallows to get it
1:28:35 AM Chrstofthemoment: this is so fucked up and it is making me uncomfortable
1:29:00 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): yeah for real it is really fucked up
1:30:25 AM Chrstofthemoment: oh god hermione
1:30:30 AM Chrstofthemoment: she is seriously the best friend ever
1:30:39 AM Chrstofthemoment: whenever Ron and Harry are snappy to her I just go
1:31:00 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): oh god i know
1:31:04 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): ILU HERMIONE
1:31:26 AM Chrstofthemoment: head
1:31:28 AM Chrstofthemoment: kasper
1:31:29 AM Chrstofthemoment: my head
1:31:33 AM Chrstofthemoment: my head just exploded
1:31:35 AM Chrstofthemoment: oh my god
1:31:41 AM Chrstofthemoment: oh my god
1:31:43 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): ogm omg
1:31:43 AM Chrstofthemoment: Harry
1:31:45 AM Chrstofthemoment: teaching
1:31:45 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): what
1:31:49 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): yes
1:31:50 AM Chrstofthemoment: Defense Against the Dark Arts
1:31:50 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): YEAH
1:31:51 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): YEAH
1:31:52 AM Chrstofthemoment: oh my god
1:31:57 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): hermione is a genius
1:32:40 AM Chrstofthemoment: holy shit
1:32:50 AM Chrstofthemoment: they are turning 15 chapters of Harry whining
1:32:58 AM Chrstofthemoment: about how he has done SO MUCH MORE THAN THEM
1:33:08 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): yeah
1:33:08 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): yeah
1:33:10 AM Chrstofthemoment: into a positive, proactive situation
1:33:14 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): yes
1:33:20 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): and oh god harry
1:33:24 AM Chrstofthemoment: this is fucking amazing
1:33:25 AM Chrstofthemoment: like
1:33:34 AM Chrstofthemoment: completely validates all of his whining
1:33:43 AM Chrstofthemoment: ok maybe not ALL CAPS Harry
1:33:49 AM Chrstofthemoment: but most of it
1:34:43 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): yeah
1:34:50 AM Chrstofthemoment: omg
1:34:52 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): pretty much
1:34:54 AM Chrstofthemoment: he yelled at hermione
1:35:01 AM Chrstofthemoment: and then she spoke Voldemort’s name
1:35:09 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): harry potter: angst bucket
1:35:11 AM Chrstofthemoment: AND HE WAS ACTUALLY ASHAMED AT YELLING AT HER
1:35:13 AM Chrstofthemoment: HAHAHHAHAAH
1:35:16 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): YEAH
1:35:20 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): OH GOD TEENAGERS
1:35:23 AM Chrstofthemoment: Harry Potter: Like A Small Infant
1:35:26 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): hjashdjahdasd
1:35:33 AM Chrstofthemoment: Harry Potter: Fuck You I Don’t Wanna
1:35:43 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): Harry Potter: All Alone In His White Boy Pain
1:35:44 AM Chrstofthemoment: Harry Potter: Could I Be Louder
1:36:09 AM Chrstofthemoment: Harry Potter: How Can I Rub My Past In Your Face
1:36:21 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): Harry Potter: You Just Don’t Get It, Do You
1:36:49 AM Chrstofthemoment: Harry Potter: Y’all Don’t Know What It’s Like, Being Male, Middle Class, and White
1:37:15 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): Mark Oshiro: The Greatest Human Being Ever To Live
1:37:34 AM Chrstofthemoment: Kasper: Are We The Same Fucking Person
1:38:09 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): Mark: I Am Pretty Sure We Are
1:38:42 AM Chrstofthemoment: Kasper: Can I Please Use This As A Review Because It Is Our Best Conversation Ever and I Really Want To Read Chapter 16
1:39:55 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): Mark: How Could I Ever Deny Your Genius The Outlet It Needs
1:40:28 AM Chrstofthemoment: Kasper: Thank You, You Are The Best, I Am Going To Stop This, It’s Getting Hard To Compose Actual Thoughts
1:41:09 AM KASPER (rudolfnilsen): shit goddamn, we are the best of all time
