Mark Reads ‘Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone’: Chapter 17

In the seventeenth chapter of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, KL;AFSDL;IOUL4 ;539 ADFJK90234 JK $%#A rjfkadfkl;j$#%klj LDKFG’ SDFGOP[IER,T ‘ ‘DFGSPOIURT;JS SM,./ BM,SDORTPORE I$#%54 QQ #$%Q$ HSF;JXBVCJ J()* 904KAJ ‘ K;;LAFHKJDFDFJ AKL;ADFSKL ;ADFKLJG HFL;A;LDKF FA A. Intrigued? Then it’s time for Mark to read Harry Potter.

CHAPTER 17: THE MAN WITH TWO FACES

• It was Quirrell.

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WHAT????????

• “But Snape tried to kill me!”

  “No, no, no. I tried to kill you. Your friend Miss Granger accidentally knocked me over as she rused to set fire to Snape at that Quidditch match. She broke my eye contact with you. Another few seconds and I’d have got you off that broom. I’d have managed it before then if Snape hadn’t been muttering a countercurse, tying to save you.”

WHAT THE HOLY WHAT

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• “Why do you think he wanted to referee your next match? He was trying to make sure I didn’t do it again. Funny, really…he needn’t have bothered. I couldn’t do anything with Dumbledore watching. All the other teachers thought Snape was trying to stop Gryffindor from winning, he did make himself unpopular…and what a waste of time, when after all that, I’m going to kill you tonight.”

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• “I have a special gift with trolls–you must have seen what I did to the one in the chamber back there? Unfortunately, while everyone else was running around looking for it, Snape, who already suspected me, went straight to the third floor to head me off–and not only did my troll fail to beat you to death, that three-headed dog didn’t even manage to bite Snape’s leg off properly.”

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• It was only then that Harry realized what was standing behind Quirrell. It was the Mirror Erised.

  “The mirror is the key to finding the Stone,” Quirrell murmured, tapping his way around the frame. “Trust Dumbledore to come up with something like this…but he’s in London…I’ll be far away by the time he gets back…”

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• “I saw you and Snape in the forest–” he blurted out.

  “Yes,” said Quirrell idly, walking around the mirror to look at the back. “He was on to me by that time, trying to find out how far I’d got. He suspected me all along. Tried to frighten me–as though he could, when I had Lord Voldemort on my side…”

JESUS CHRIST HOLY SHIT ;lasjd;klads a;klas;2348 23LK4JA;SDKFU KJ; LKQ#$%GDF SSD SDFGIS %TSRS FDG AADFDFSDAASDADSKFSD

• “But Snape always seemed to hate me so much.”

  “Oh, he does,” said Quirrell casually, “heavens, yes. He was at Hogwarts with your father, didn’t you know? They loathed each other. But he never wanted you dead.”

  “But I heard you a few days ago, sobbing–I thought Snape was threatening you…”

  For the first time, a spasm of fear flitted across Quirrell’s face.

  “Sometimes,” he said, “I find it hard to follow my master’s instructions– his is a great wizard and I am weak–“

  “You mean he was there in the classroom with you?” Harry gasped.

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• “What does this mirror do? How does it work? Help me, Master!”

  And to Harry’s horror, a voice answered, and that voice seemed to come from Quirrell himself.

  “Use the boy…Use the boy…”

WHAT IS HAPPENING HOLY GOD ;LKdkls;;fjklsd as;dfoiuds kfal:KL: :KL LS KL:D)&*DFG&*( :KDP*&(D ^&%*&(DFHJKLDS^&*

• He saw his reflection, pale and scared-looking at first. But a moment later, the reflection smiled at him. It puts its hand into its pocket and pulled out a blood-red stone. It winked and put the Stone back in its pocket–and as it did so, Harry felt something heavy drop into his real pocket. Somehow–incredibly–he’d gotten the Stone.

GOOD LORD WHAT AKL;SL;FS ASF;LKASDFIO;FDSJKL;AS )(*OIUFDOIUPFDOJFD SKL:DSFUDFS:K J:SDL: DKL:DFSS DJO:DFSDFS

• “Potter, come back here!” Quirrell shouted. “Tell me the truth! What did you just see?”

  The high voice spoke again.

  “Let me speak to him…face-to-face…”

  “Master, you are not strong enough!”

  “I have strength enough…for this…”

  Harry felt as if Devil’s Snare was rooting him to the spot. He couldn’t move a muslce. Petrified, he watched as Quirrell reached up and began to unwrap his turban. What was going on? The turban fell away. Quirrell head looked strangely small without it. Then he turned slwoly on the spot.

  Harry would have screamed, but he couldn’t make a sound. Where there should have been a back to Quirrell’s head, there was a face, the most terrible face Harry had ever seen. It was chalk white with glaring red eyes and slits for nostrils, like a snake.

HOLY FUCK HOLY SHIT HOLY FUCKING GOD WHAT THE FUCK THE TITLE OF THIS CHAPTER IS LITERAL, NOT METAPHORICAL JESUS CHRIST HOLY FUCK

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• “See what I have become?” the face said. “Mere shadow and vapor…I have form only when I can share another’s body…but there have always been those willing to let me into their hearts and minds…Unicorn blood has strengthened me, these past weeks…you saw faithful Quirrell drinking it for me in the forest…and once I have the Elixir of Life, I will be able to create a body of my own…Now…why don’t you give me that Stone in your pocket?”

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• “How touching…” it hissed. “I always value bravery…Yes, boy, your parents were brave…I killed your father first, and he put up a courageous fight…but your mother needn’t have died…she was trying to protect you…Now give me the Stone, unless you want her to have died in vain.”

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• Harry sprang towards the flame door, but Voldemort screamed “SEIZE HIM!” and the next second, Harry felt Quirrell’s hand close on his wrist. At once, a needle-sharp pain seared across Harry’s scar; his head felt as though it was about to split in two; he yelled, struggling with all his might, and to his surprise, Quirrell let go of him. The pain in his head lessened–he looked around wildly to see where Quirrell had gone, and saw him hunched in pain, looking at his fingers–they were blistering before his eyes.

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• Quirrell rolled off of him, his face blistering, too, and then Harry knew: Quirrell couldn’t touch his bare skin, not without suffering terrible pain–his only chance was to keep hold of Quirrell, keep him in enough pain to stop him from doing a curse.

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• He felt Quirrell’s arm wrenched from his grasp, knew all was lost, and fell into blackness, down…down…down…

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• He blinked again. The smiling face of Albus Dumbledore swam into view above him.

OMG YES dkls;fadl;f kljdsf:SDJFDLKJ:L FDSL:KL:DF:JLDFS:()$(U#$ O !!!!!!!!

• “Not the Stone, boy, you–the effort involved nearly killed you. For one terrible moment there, I was afraid it had. As for the Stone, it has been destroyed.”

  “Destroyed?” said Harry blankly. “But your friend–Nicolas Flamel–“

  “Oh, you know about Nicolas?” said Dumbledore, sounding quite delighted. “You did do the thing properly, didn’t you? Well, Nicolas and I have had a little chat, and agreed it’s all for the best.”

  “But that means his he and his wife will die, won’t they?”

  “They have enough Elixir stored to set their affairs in order and then, yes, they will die.”

🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 k;asdjkl;fdsja df;ioas;asdfadfls;elwKL:#R&Y#$ QYl;feljk SAD;ioufdhjlKLJFO fa

• “To one as young as you, I’m sure it seems incredible, but to Nicolas and Perenelle, it really is like going to bed after a very, very long day. After all, to the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure.”

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• “No, Harry, he has not [gone]. He is still out there somewhere, perhaps looking for another body to share…not being truly alive, he cannot be killed. He left Quirrell to die; he shows just as little mercy to his followers as his enemies. Nevertheless, Harry, while you may have only delayed his return to power, it will merely take someone else who is prepared to fight what seems a losing battle next time–and if he is delayed again, and again, why, he may never return to power.”

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• “Your mother died to save you. If there is one thing Voldemort cannot understand, it is love. He didn’t realize that love as powerful as your mother’s for you leaves its own mark. Not a scar, no visible sign…to have been loved so deeply, even though the person who loved us is gone, will give us some protection forever. It is in your very skin. Quirrell, full of hatred, greed, and ambition, sharing his soul with Voldemort, could not touch you for this reason. It was agony to touch a person marked by something so good.”

OMG THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER k;LDFLKJDFS :OIU%W()*KL:DSFLKJ CVNMCVMN<>:SDHF D SFI:SDFLJ SSD:LFKJOIY

• “…Quirrell said he [Snape] hates me because he hated my father. Is that true?”

  “Well, they did rather detest each other. Not unlike yourself and Mr. Malfoy. And then, your father did something Snape could never forgive.”

  “What?”

  “He saved his life.”

  “What?”

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• “Nah. Dumbledore gave me the day off yesterday ter fix it. ‘Course he shoulda sacked me instead–anyway, got yeh this…”

  It seemed to be a handsome, leather-covered book. Harry opened it curiously. It was full of wizard photographs. Smiling and waving at him from every page were his mother and father.

  “Sent owls off ter all yet parents’ old school friends, askin’ fer photos…knew yeh didn’t have any…d’yeh like it?”

  Harry couldn’t speak, but Hagrid understood.

OH MY GOD MARRY ME ON THE ASTRAL PLANE IMMEDIATELY HAGRID ;lkdskl;asdjf ;a;kls asfkl;J: KL:DF:DFIOUjkldsfkl; f)(@!$)&$@%#$*(_jklsdf ;klasdjjk fdsa;lk Sdlkuadsfoiukl ;sadkl;asdf l;oipuadsfll ;sadkl;asdfl;afdsjsadf; a;sfjklas

• “Ahem,” said Dumbledore. “I have a few last-minute points to pass out. Let me see. Yes…”

  “First–to Mr. Ronald Weasley…”

  Ron went purple in the face; he looked like a radish with a bad sunburn.

  “…for the best-played game of chess Hogwarts has seen in many years, I award Gryffindor House fifty points.”

HOLY SHIT ;ldsf;klasdf asd;lfl;j;asdlkjas dsad;fklasdkl;adlsadfsafjks

• “Second–to Miss Hermione Granger…for the use of cool logic in the face of fire, I award Gryffindor House fifty points.”

THIS ISN’T HAPPENING k;sdafkl;adfskl;asdkl ;dsjklsd ;9032804389 @#$@#590u

• “Third–to Mr. Harry Potter…” said Dumbledore. The room went deadly quiet. “…for pure nerve and outstanding courage. I award Gryffindor House sixty points.”

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• “There are all kinds of courage,” said Dumbledore, smiling. “It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends. I therefore award ten points to Mr. Neville Longbottom.”

OH MY GOD!!!!! KL;ds;fasdjkldfsal;;klu ADSF;LKAJS 09234u23u019-48

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• “Hope you hever–er–a good holiday,” said Hermione, looking uncertainly after Uncle Vernon, shocked that anyone could be so unpleasant.

  “Oh, I will,” said Harry, and they were surprised at the grin spreading over his face. “They don’t know we’re not allowed to use magic at home. I’m going to have a lot of fun with Dudley this summer….”

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THE END

Author’s Notes:

To say I enjoyed Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone is an understatement. And perhaps coming from the Twilight series heavily affects this, but I don’t care. I expected this book to be silly, light-hearted, and sort of…disposable? I was wrong. The themes J.K. Rowling introduces in this first novel are complicated, mutli-faceted, intelligent, and incredibly positive. The anti-bullying archetype, naturally, made me smile in appreciation. I loved the touches on dedication and loyalty. I love that she hasn’t dumbed down difficult concepts like death, authority, friendship, and even something as cheesy as love.

What I loved most? How fun, exciting, and refreshing this world is. Everything magical and supernatural is not magical or supernatural here. It’s simply the reality wizards and witches live in. The nerd in me is incredibly satisfied.

So, before I finish this like I’m supposed to, a bit of an announcement: Mark Watches Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone will take place this Wednesday, June 2nd, at 12:00PM PST. That’s 3:00PM on the east coast of the States and 8:00PM in London. (I wanted some international friends to be able to participate this time!) So get your copies of the first movie ready and be prepared to follow along in the madness. I’ll link a journal here with the actual liveblog itself shortly.

I will begin Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets on Monday, June 14th. I leave this week to head up to San Francisco to participate in my third AIDS/Lifecycle ride. You can read all about it and donate right here on my page. I will be on a bicycle, far away from the interwebs, pedaling down the coast of California to raise awareness about HIV/AIDS here in my state. You can also follow me on Twitter to get updates about that.

Oh yeah, one last thing.

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone has more talent, creativity, and entertainment in any single page than all of the Twilight series combined and is a pretty fantastic read, so I basically can’t wait to read more SO THERE.