The Scene Boy Rating Scale
So, Gin and Tacos.com ran an asshole rating scale in response to an extremely offensive article about how guys rate girls. And my immediate response?
THERE NEEDS TO BE A SCENE VERSION OF THIS.
Please note: it’s really best if you don’t go into this without some sense of humor. I take a lot of shots at the scene and guys from the scene in it, so if you can’t laugh about it, don’t bother reading.
1: Any guy classified as a 1 actually has some musical credability, he just also likes to wear tight pants and listen to Panic! at the Disco. See also: Alexander DeLeon.
2: 2’s are the scene guys who wish they could be into heavy metal but have to settle for Bring Me the Horizon. They’d totally get a tattoo on their neck if it didn’t hurt so much. Secretly reads Perez Hilton daily.
3: It is the universal law of 3’s that you must be the only guy at a concert in a “Free Ronnie!” shirt. A lot of girls will talk to you because of this, but won’t do anything else because you don’t have nearly enough product in your hair.
4: All 4’s have a secret love of hip hop but have to pass it off as totally ironic around their friends. Some 4’s are very open about it, but thinks this gives them some sort of street cred. Are the most likely to use “gay” as an insult. Example of your typical 4: Cash Colligan.
5: Your typical 5 is still in denial about the Fall Out Boy breakup. He brags about sending Pete Wentz his band’s demos, but you’ve never actually met the other members of this supposed “band.” When asked what their music sounds like he just shrugs and says “We’ve got a lot of different influences…” and then proceeds to name a bunch of random bands from the 1980’s.
6: Anyone classified as a 6 hasn’t yet heard about Metro Station splitting up, but is bound to be devistated when they find out.
7: A 7 doesn’t sleep, he uses those precious hours to study exactly how the members of BrokeNCYDE get their hair to look like that. Calls The Millionaires “a bunch of whores” but thinks BC13’s lyrics are, like, totally awesome. Does not see the irony in this fact. Does not see the irony in anything. Cannot define the word “irony.”
8: The only known 8 is Gabe Saporta. Take this as you will.
9: A 9 is either Jeffree Star or any guy who aspires to be Jeffree Star. Doesn’t understand that there’s no real way for a skinny white kid to use the word “n*gger” ironically. Spends more time taking pictures of himself at terrible angles than actually researching the gay rights issues he claims to be so passionate about.
10: A 10 is a member of Blood on the Dancefloor. Prepare your mace.