Gerard Way Hunts for a Car on Twitter, Threatens to Kidnap Jonas Brothers

DISCLAIMER:  This post is about cars, not babies.  So your comments should be about cars, not babies.  Baby-related comments will be deleted because, to be quite honest, I don’t want to read them.  And, for the record, Breesays has given me permission to do so.

Gerard Way, along with the rest of My Chemical Romance, got a Twitter a few months back.  So far, the band has used their Twitters to update us on the Desolation Row music video, the status of their album and other music related things. 

They’ve also done things like post pictures of a dog’s genetalia.

And now?  Gerard is using Twitter to find himself a new car.

The original series of Tweets looked something like this:

Is anyone selling a 1979 Trans Am?

I’m serious btw

T-tops a plus. Silver body/red leather interior ideal. I also like faded or bombed out Nocturne Blue or a lousy Red. Already checked eBay

Needs to be in California preferably close to LA. No brown or brown interior…it looks like old people candy. No Gold. No Smokey/bandit

Fastest engine possible for that year hopefully.I am interested in other interiors like black. Chicken on the hood optional

For those of you unfamiliar, this is the car Gerard wants to buy:

For anyone who thought Gerard was kidding after all that?  He posted a blog listing his color preferences for the exterior and interior.

Exteriors (in order of awesome):
Silver, the color of steel, and the eye of the falcon.
Faded, slightly shitty, or semi-bombed out looking Nocturne Blue. This color looks great with some age.
Mad-Max Black.
Shitty bombed-out Red/Orange

Interiors (again in “awesome order”)
Red leather (combined with a silver exterior is an ideal car for me- like a fucking Mach-5 red-velvet cupcake with Terminator 2 frosting)
Black leather (of course)
Blue (cuz it’s cool, but this limits what I can paint the exterior if I choose to do so)
Interior material is not as much a deal breaker as a bad color.

However, as anyone who has ever tried to buy or sell a car on Craig’s List or Ebay knows, there are always people looking to scam you.  In many cases, it’s this whole mess with “I send you a money order, you send me back the extra, did I mention I’m a Nigerian Prince?”  No, seriously.  I ran into this a few times at an old job.

But with Gerard, he expresses his fear that someone would set up a kidnapping by promising to sell him a car (probably well-earned, since, you know, people like me FANGIRLS).  He however, proposes an alternate solution:

I’m not important enough to kidnap, but if you’ve got the right car and the right “vibe” I can find us someone important enough to kidnap together- IN-THE-CAR-YOU-JUST-SOLD-ME. Like, for example, the Jonas Brothers. I have been on T.V. and I have access.

“Oh, hello there nice man in the Trans Am.  What’s that?  You have CANDY?”

Gerard, the question here is: once you kidnap the Jonas Brothers, what are you going to DO with them?  Ransom them?  Shave their heads?  Take them to a strip club?  Other activities that might result in the loss of their purity rings?  You never, never, never, NEVER kidnap someone without a plan.  You have read enough comics in your time to KNOW this.  Would Lex Luthor kidnap someone without a plan?  Not if he wanted to be SUCCESSFUL. 

However, I have to admit, kidnapping the Jonas Brothers and running off with Gerard Way in a 1979 Pontiac Trans Am would be pretty bad ass.  It would be like all those “Demolition Lovers” related fantasies I’ve had, only, you know, in a Trans Am rather than a ’69 Mustang Cobra.  A red ’69 Mustang Cobra.  See?

So, Buzznet, if you could kidnap a Jonas Brother with Gerard Way, which Jonas would you kidnap and why?  Answers will be graded on spelling, punctuation, creativity and, as Gerard would say, awesome.