Guess Who’s Live Blogging The Oscars?

This Sunday, as Hollywood’s brightest stars walk the red carpet in designer clothes that cost more than I make in a year, I will be safely cocooned indoors on my computer live blogging!

Basically, this live blog will be our vengeance upon the great Hollywood machine. We can throw comments to those on our telly’s and pretend we are at some rowdy showing of “The Taming of the Shrew” throwing old produce. Mostly, I don’t even know what has been nominated. I plan on having some pre blog libations so that should be even extra fun. I plan on using horrible grammar (like in this post) and being really inappropriate.

Feel free to join in the rebel rousing and come toss your saltiest comments to our lovely live blog. See you kids on Sunday. Wait. Does anyone know what time this starts?

3:46 PM – George Pinocchio bothers me. Schmoozing commences.

3:51 PM – Technical difficulties LOL and now Marc Brown does the traffic and points to the NON FAMOUS people LOLOLOL

4:25 PM – Natalie Portman ILUBB

4:45 PM – I thought this was an awards show not the “Hear my lame opinion on your outfit while people interview you while they put their head up your bum” show. GAH

Just tell us who’s awesome at acting and making movies.

4:53 PM – Who is this twit judging people for “posing?” Get over it dude.

5 PM – Here we go!

5:03 PM – Sarah Jessica Parker is cute. Sometimes. She looks like fun.

5:15 PM – MYLEE!!!! SQUEEEE!

5:23 PM – Oh! 530 start time! I need to see someone trip.

5:26 PM – The stage looks amazing. Swarovsky crystals? WUT

5: 30 PM – OMG Hugh Jackman’s accent <3’s it. He isn’t too bad on the eyes, either. I will Wolverine him when he isn’t looking. Razor raaaah!

5:32 PM – I am confused about this opening. Get it Hugh! This is ridic on so many levels. I love this dude! Bro grabs!

5:37 PM – Hugh Jackman is amazing. Best Oscars opening ever. HI-larious.

5: 42 PM – What’s going on with all these amazing actresses on stage? Viola Davis. Yes. She was amazing in Doubt.

5:45 PM – Best actress time?

5:46 PM – Penelope Cruz! Eek! About time! She is so amazing. 45 seconds is a long time. She did a wonderful job.

5: 50 PM – OMG Best Animated is up soon. Wall E!!!

5: 52 PM – Steve Martin & Tina Fey. A+! They are presenting Best Screenplay. ooo In Bruges SO GOOD. Milk Wins!

5:58 PM – Yow. Acceptance speech was pretty amazing till he got all God-sy on us.

6:03 PM – Jack Black’s Pixar comment hurt a little. Hurt only because I laughed so hard. It’s funny cos it’s true!

6: 05 PM – Best Animated – Wall E!!!!!!!! YES! I love that film SO MUCH! Amazing!

6: 07 PM – Jack Black you are such an amazing terd.

6: 15 PM – Art time! Best Art Direction – The Curious Case of Ben Buttons – Donald Graham Burt and Other Guy who’s name I didn’t catch.

6: 24 PM – Um I just got DAZZLED. Hey you two, GTFO.

6: 31 PM – Ben Stiller excuse me WTF r u doin? Is he being Bob Dylan or something or just unfunny as usual? Best Cinematography goes to…. Anthony Dod Mantle FTW

6: 43 PM – What is this Pineapple Express business? It’s kind of funny like an ONOETHEYDI’NT kind of way

6:53 PM – Wow! Beyonce and Hugh! They sho is workin that stage!

7: 02 PM – Ok lots of leading men on the stage. This means big news. But not bigger than any of the previous amirite?

7: 07 PM – HOLY SOILED SHEETS BATMAN Heath Ledger wins the Oscar!

7: 14 PM – Best Documentary presented by Bill Mahr.. award goes to Man on Wire.. :: scratches head ::

7: 24 PM – Action time is presented by loud music and things blowing up. Rejoice men that love cinema, Will Smith, your God, is now on stage.

7:34 PM – Will Smith is still presenting for subjects no one really pays attention to. Foley guys, get a grip.

7: 42 PM – Dear Oscars, while Jerry is an amazing activist for MD, he is not so much the thing you make him out to be except in like.. France.

7: 50 PM – The Oscars would like you to have a quick nap, maybe grab a snack, or visit the loo if you have yet to.

7: 59 PM – Just enjoyed a Bollywood medley with John Legend and a talented man who’s name I didn’t catch. Cheers!

Oscar for Best Original Score goes to A.R. Rahman and Gazule (sp) for Slumdog Millionaire!

8: 06 PM – Best Foreign Language film goes to “Departures” from Japan. An out of work classical musician becomes a mortuary worker. Interesting indeed!

8: 13 PM – Queen Latiffa sings a song! Her voice is amazing. She is an amazing and inspirational woman.

8: 18 PM – Reese WitheredSpoon is on stage talking about director this or that. I don’t pay attention to her unless she has a chihuahua by her side.

She’s presenting Best Director.. Danny Boyle wins for Slumdog! w00t!

8: 24 PM – Is it Best Actress time?

Wow. Oscar goes to Kate W… Wow.

8: 35 PM – Best Man Actor time.. I am not impressed with the nominees this year. Just sayin. The ladies BROUGHT it this year.

8: 41 PM – Mickie Rourke was amazing in The Wrestler. Fingers are definitely crossed for this guy.

8: 43 PM – Sean Penn for “Milk.” Awesome! At least it wasn’t Pitt. You know, because you really need to have EVERYTHING.

8: 50 PM Best Picture time.. du meine gutte!

The winner is.. OMG.. SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

9ish.. This concludes our broadcast thing. Till tomorrow! C ya! Thanks all for commenting!