Delicious Nomz & Hearty Thank Ye’s

Some time ago, Paxgitmo and I had a conversation about the most delicious of nomz: Tamales. If you are un-savvy in the world of Mexican/Latin nomage, allow me to elaborate on these “Tamales.”

I will spare you any actual cultural information about the tamale, as I don’t know the true nature of its origin. Being that I was born here in these troubled States, I am devoid of any cultural background other than Saturday morning cartoons and all things that desensitized me at an early age. I imagine that long ago in a land I know nothing about, some people that I resemble in only appearance conjured up this mighty nom.

The tamale is rather ingenious in its design. It is basically a little pouch of food that carries a flavar. The outmost layer of this nom-pouch is a corn husk (or a banana leaf, depending on your tamales country of origin). Inside this corn husk is the second layer of deliciousness: “masa.” Masa is a ground up corn meal/dough like substance. Inside the masa is the heart of the tamale. The filling can be all sorts of crafty concoctions of delectible delights. Usually, there are things like meats, chikunz, or more masa (as is the case with the sweet tamale. This tamale is usually all masa with bits of raisins or pineapple mixed throughout). Also, the tamale is traditionally served around the Christmas holiday, although you can usually find them all over the place in L.A at any given point during the year.

The reason that ol’ Pax and I were having this discussion about tamales was because the tamale is evil. Yes. You read that correctly. The tamale is a siren that calls to your sense of smell and lures you to the rocky shores of a coronary bipass. For those of us that are vegan/vegetarian, the tamale is often times unedible. It has been many Christmas times since I last devoured a batch of what I refer to as “Satan’s Coin Purse.” My people are more notorious than Biggie Smalls for their use of all things animal in everything they cook. You have a better chance of finding Michelangelo in a whore house than finding a Mexican nom that doesn’t have something slathered in something an ingredient that came from something with eyes.

Masa usually contains lard, the rendered chubs of some hapless animal that gave a farmer the wrong look. Said animal then ended up under some sort saw and then in a giant boiling pot of hot water. The filling usually contains chickens that crowed too early or some other bovine like creature that scuffed someone’s new pair of boots.

Paxgitmo then user her mighty skills as Swedish Chef to create a mighty set of F*ING VEG*N TAMALES. I must also note that this was her virginal batch of tamales. I totally wish she sent me 72 tamales so I could make some crass religious joke but I suppose I can just make due. Paxi sent me the ingredients list but I left it at home. I cannot begin to regale you with the joy that my mealy mouth encountered upon eating these tamales. The masa was nice and soft, the flavar was balanced between a strange bit of spice and sweet. The vegetables inside did not mush together or overpower any of the flavor of the red sauce that was inside. They were a true feast of max deliciousity.

I have enclosed some photos to show you what you cannot have and you what you are probably totally jelliz about:

So, mostly this is a giant thank you to Suzanne, the Paxgitmo. I owe you a many hugz and stuffs. That is all. TTFN