Raising Bronx Mowgli Wentz

Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson are parents now, and despite the tough name (Bronx Mowgli) they gave their little bundle of joy, let’s not forget that a newborn is a fragile, high-maintenance being. Seeing as they’re both working musicians, we have some suggestions on how to divvy up the baby chores and beyond! Because it takes a village—or in this case, a Decaydance family.

• Changing diapers: Jessica Simpson. “Was this chicken, or was this tuna?”
• Bathing: Anyone but Pete. He needs to learn to bathe himself first
• Having the Birds and The Bees talk: Travis McCoy. “You have to take her clothes off, to have a good time…”

—Submitted by Christine (trendysecret)

• Taking the baby pictures: Peter. (BUT KEEP HIS CLOTHES ON, PLZ.)
• Singing the lullaby: William Beckett. (One song… about a… baby.)
• Teaching him to walk: Gabriel Saporta. (“SHAKE THOSE HIPS, BRONX!”)
• Teaching him how to say “William Eugene Beckett”: Guy Ripley.
• Buying the clothes: Patrick VAUGHN Stump. (“Do they make this hat in MY size?”)
• Teaching him to read: Ryan Ross. (“Come on, no one’s ever too young to read Chuck Palahniuk!”)

—Submitted by Evey (laryngitisxxlullabies)

• Staying awake with: Ashlee. Because she never dreams alone
• Teaching the facts of life: Ashlee. “It’s a bittersweet world.”

—Submitted by me (breesays)

But there are so many more duties, and so many more “family” members. Whatchu got, Buzznet?