My (Bisexual) Pitch to MTV!
Dear MTV Executives,
Recently it came to my attention that not only were you planning a second season of A Shot At Love, your so called “bisexual ‘reality’ show,” you also had the audacity to refer to this show as “ground breaking” and “stereotype shattering.”
I’m wondering what sort of stereotypes you consider yourself to have shattered. If it’s the idea that bisexuals don’t exist, I guess MAYBE I can give you some leeway. But as far as I can tell, all your show did was RE-ENFORCE the following stereotypes:
1) Bisexuals are just indecisive about whether they’re gay or straight
2) Bisexual girls are WHORES
3) Bisexual girls = hot male wish fulfillment, bisexual guys = TOTAL FAGS!
So it looks like you believe that by slapping the term “bisexual” and “reality” on a show, you suddenly make it groundbreaking. Well, with that in mind, I would like to pitch to you MY bisexual reality show, guaranteed to be 50% MORE bisexual than A Shot At Love and 33% more reality.
The show follows me on my every day adventures as a bisexual woman. It sees me working, shopping, hanging with friends, and, like every bisexual woman, stopping the forces of the Rift Dimension from invading Earth and enslaving humanity.
When in times of trouble I transform into my alter ego (also bisexual) and call upon my friends, the (lesbian) Lorelei, a battle hardened warrior, the (sexually confused) Amber, a young woman who is just beginning her life as a warrior, and the (totally straight, don’t worry!) Bryan, the man who must both fear and protect me.
The Rift Dimension, as everyone knows, is ruled by the (bisexual) queen Dyanna, who has a habit of wandering around in revealing outfits and damn near humping everything in sight (like bisexuals DO, you know?). I’m sure by mid season she will have captured me and tortured me at least once, but about halfway through the torture session it will turn out that, hey, I’m LIKING it (because, bisexual = kink freak, duh!). My friends will save me but I will end up being drawn to Dyanna, calling into question the side I have chosen in the war (just like my actual sexual orientation is in question! It’s TOTALLY metaphoric!).
I’ll also be riding into battle on my Battle Panther named Bloodfang. PETA should relax, however, because she has assured me through our telepathic link that she serves me under her own free will. Also, we’ll probably try to have sex at some point because, remember, I’m bisexual and will fuck anything.
I will be awaiting my first check and camera crew by the end of the year. Looking forward to working with you!