The Beatles lied to us, and they did it IN SONG!

All you need is love, love
Love is all you need.

Bull.  Shit.

Despite what you may have been told by music, movies, television, books and pretty much pop culture as a whole, love is NOT all you need.  Trust me on this one.  It is totally possible for you to love someone and yet not be able to be in a relationship with them. Not because of distance, or age, or anything like that, but purely because it just doesn’t work, no matter how much you love each other.

I really wish all you needed was love.  It would make things a lot easier.  But instead, love is just part of the package deal.  You need a few other things as well.

  1. Trust: I cannot stress this enough.  Trust is a completely seperate thing from love.  You might love someone with all your heart, but can you trust them not to lie to you about stupid things?  Even if they’re doing it to prevent a fight, they’re not doing either of you favors because there’s going to be a bigger fight when the truth comes out.  Then there’s the bigger issue of can you trust that you are the only one in their life?  Love and lust are different things and while you might still lust after other people after you’ve fallen in love, you have to trust that the person you are with isn’t going to act on that lust.  And then blame you for it.
  2. Independence: That’s right.  You need to be able to be your own person.  Even if you love someone, you can’t be so dependent on them you can’t do anything without them.  You both need to have your own interests, your own friends, and your own time to be alone.  If you can’t still exist as individual people and exist only as a couple what are you going to do when you have problems?
  3. Similar plans for the future: Hypothetically, let’s say he wants to move back to his fairly rural hometown, live 5 minutes from his parents, teach martial arts, have 2 kids by the age of 30 and have a wife who doesn’t mind staying home to take care of kids.  Meanwhile, you want to travel the world, avoid his parents, live close to a major city so there are more writing opportunities for you and kids don’t figure into any of this.  TRUST ME ON THIS ONE: it doesn’t bode well.
  4. Respect for each other’s issues: You’re a firm believer in gender equality in sports and a woman’s right to choose.  He mocks the WNBA, watches women’s soccer for Mia Hamm’s breasts, and doesn’t understand why you freak out over pregnancy scares because “my mom will help us raise the baby!”  Run the fuck away.

There’s tons more.  But the important thing is that the myth of love being the only thing you really need?  It’s just that, a myth.  It’s a great start, but you can’t fall back on it forever.

*Currently celebrating 2 years of independence*

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